Disturbances in my thought process (may be triggering)

Ok, this is gonna be long, so please bear with me. For as long as I can remember I have been having strange disturbances in my thought process. It's really hard to explain but I'll try.

When I was little I would get scared, and I would try to get my mind off of it by thinking of a cartoon that I had watched earlier in the day. While I was imagining these cartoons a character would get killed in a very gruesome way. I would replay the cartoon over and over in my head trying to make it go the way it went when I actually watched it. But, everytime the same thing would happen at the same point in cartoon. No matter how hard I tried to make it go the right way. For example one day I was scared so I started to think about the cartoon "hey arnold" that I had watched that day. At one part in thought (of the cartoon) Arnold's head got cut off. It was a very graphic image, very violent. So I would keep trying to replay the story in my head trying to make go right. But, it never would.

For the past couple of years I have been having unwanted thoughts of violence. Out of nowhere I'll get these thoughts and images about me or my loved ones getting hurt. I don't ever believe that these thoughts are going to happen, but they still scare me. And cause me to analyze and judge my own personality. This also causes anxiety. These thoughts get into extreme detail. For example, the other day, I had a thought that my sister's boyfriend (not Amy's) raped me. This thought was so detailed that it even went so far as to how I escaped and what I did afterwards. Another time I was laying in bed and I imagined myself sitting on my bed hearing and arguement between my mother and my stepfather (remember I was imagining this). Although I didn't see the images of the argument in my head, I knew what was happening. While they were fighting my stepfather pushed my mother into my door, and her head hit the door so hard that her neck snapped and she died. Athough I didn't see actual images of the whole fight, I did see the image of my mother's neck snapping. I knew the whole time that it was just a thought, and I was completely concsious the whole time. But it scared the $#%^ out of me.

Why is this happening? Could it be ocd? I'd appreciate any replies. This is really bothering me. If you actually got through this whole post, then, thanx for your time.

Kayty

still no replies

Hi Kayty,

It's hard for us to dx you, but the thoughts you are having must be very disturbing for you.

Let me get this right,K/ you are having visions ? nightmears? or hallucinations of these events?

OCD is complicated, did you also post this in the ocd forum?

you might do that or I can move it if you want. Let me know.

In the mean time hang tough, lil tough one.

Thanx for your reply. Yes I did post it in the OCD forum and I actually told my psych about these thoughts the other day and she said that I have OCD. She is sending me to her specialist to see what she is going to do about meds but that appointment is not until august 3rd. And to answer your question, they are more like visions or images, not nightmares, I am fully consious and aware of my suroundings when these thoughts occur.
Kayty

Do you want me to move you poll to ocd?

I actually already have this in the OCD forum. I put it in both when I posted it. Is that alright?
Kayty

I don't mind, it applies to both. right?

As long as a post applies to the forum it is in, except for spam, I personally don't mind it.

Now people get carried away mind you, and that is what the admin doesn't like, say for instance, three of the same posts in the same forum section. This can happen and we have to delete the duplicates. We've had the same post say 6 times in the entire forum, and there is no way it can pertain to that many sections.

So I'll just leave this here. If you are getting votes and input in both that is what is important. But let's try to just keep it at two.

ok...Thanx Ddee

Kayty, back to the subject. so you have these obsessions? These intrusive thoughts, have you ever considered that you might be obsessed with death.

You can tell this alot when we write poetry. You might go back to your poetry book and see if you see alot of this there. At your age, this is very debilitating.

I also obsess on death, I think it's one reason I don't leave home unless I have to, just one reason.

I worry about my family constantly, and obsess on the day they are gone, tho I try to push it away. Then it comes out in my nighmears. My subconscience is so strong that way.

Just a theory, but it can be related to ocd, when it is continuous.

That could be it, but although the thoughts about death are the ones that I talk about because they cause the most anxiety I also have stupid thoughts that I obsess over. For example I will think about something as simple as a book opening but in my thought the book will keep closing and I'll start to obsess over it, Replaying the thought over and over in my head trying to get the book to stay open but it never will. I know it's kind of weird but sometimes it is little stupid thing's like that.
Kayty