I´m feeling so down

Currenlty I`m feeling lonely and completly dependent on alcohol... I can´t even leave my home anymore... my only distraction are watching movies, masturbation and food... ... my self estime is colapsed. Actually I`m taking this unexpected situation since 2001 when I´ve begun to drink with more intensity since I was on college and always surrounded of "friends" with similar behavior, but I quit from college some months later and never studied again, since then I´m taking a very atypical and boring life. From 2001 so far I´ve got about 61,6 lbs all due to thanks to this current behavior; previously I was always noticed around due to be a tall and handsome guy, now I`m a complete fat guy. Also, I´m an atheist and it has being another obstacle since it doens´t match with happiness at all, since we believe that life is life and death is just death, you just think your life is just a consequence regardless of anything...plus I`m a very cold guy, I can only express some feeling when I´m about to puke my rum... I can´t build a serious relationship with women; so far I only dream with women... I have a folder in my computer with pictures from women I DREAM to share my life seriosly, but they don´t really know I exist... well.. in short, it´s my life... and I´m wondering if it´s fixeable

first of all I'm sure you know your major problem, alacholism. (sp) Seek out therapy for it, or at least go to AA. Alot of the effort will have to be made on your part.

Its a struggle I know, it sucks but it is possible to get better.