Not sure what to make of all this...

A little bit about myself. I'm a 17 year old male currently a junior in highschool. I've always been a relatively quiet person. Not to the point where I can't talk to others, but known as "the calm laid back guy". For the past 4 years my life has changed a lot. My parents were divorced two years ago. A few of my very good friends have moved away. So on and so forth...

Last year I began to feel depressed. I slowly lost interest in things I had always loved (Such as baseball which I played for 10 years) and started to quit doing them. For the past 6 months or so I was extremely depressed but didn't really talk with anyone about it. I just dealt with it and took it day by day. I started to stay inside and do relatively nothing. I had random suicidal thoughts but nothing that I really took seriously. Mainly it was just thinking about what people would think and how they would react to the news. This really scared me after a while. I finally decided to talk it through with my parents and a few peers of mine. The fact that GPA (3.6) has fallen a whole point (now at 2.6 or so) because of this and it wasn't getting any better really frustrated me.

I'm very, very uneasy around women to the point where I can barely talk to them. I've only been with a small handful of them and the relationships never lasted more than a week or two. I can find some conversation possibly while in person. When calling them I begin to feel like I'm going to pass out and actually have to lay down a rest for a bit before I begin feeling normal again. I know anxiety is a common occurance between genders but this seems a bit extreme... I seem to want relationships when I'm not in one but immediately feel the need to end it right as it starts because of how much stress it causes me.

My mother and father make fair salaries and are far from being poor but I absolutely hate asking them for money. I rarely spend it (gas and 3 games of bowling a week is all I usually buy). I feel it can be put to better use. I know that I'm old enough that I need to find a job but I can't motivate myself to do so. I worked part time with my grandfather over last summer in the plumbing business working 30-40 hours a week. I see a "now hiring" sign and consider the job but I begin to start thinking about the negatives. I dream of having a job with very little social interaction with others where I can easily concentrate and work without outside distractions. I know that there isn't going to be anything like that available to me. I'm terrified of the thought of working as a cashier or something similar. I know this sounds dumb, and these thoughts make me feel pretty stupid. I just can't bring myself to apply anywhere

I have a very hard time concentrating on one certain thing for a long time. My mother and sister have been diagnosed with A.D.D. so I'm wondering if thats part of the problem. I don't even realize I'm doing it until I stop and think. This becomes very noticable in school. I have random thoughts and start day dreaming very easily.

Lately I have been experiencing random occurances where I become very angry over little things (such as droppingg things or making a mistake while writing something) and end up swearing out loud over it. I never used to do this! It is completely involuntary.

For the past month its been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I go from deeply depressed to extreme happiness back and forth. I get random bouts of high motivation to turn how I'm feeling around. I start back on a regular sleeping schedule and put a lot more time towards school work. This lasts for a few days then I revert back to feeling helpless with little will to do anything. Just today I noticed the transition. I remember earlier while I was driving home I felt extremely happy. I was relaxed, glancing up at the clouds and I kind of felt like I was in a moderate state of euphoria. Right now I am once again feeling down and unmotivated. It happens that quickly... My grades have come up a little but I'm not feeling much better about it.

I'd like to just feel normal and go about as an average human being but I find that I almost subconciously enjoy feeling this way. Perhaps because it is normal for me.

With all that information (I would like to thank you for reading all of it if you did so) it brings me to my question! What the hell is going on? This all seems like a slew of problems all intertwined with each other. My peers offered to get me in to a counselor but I really don't like the idea and once again it goes back to the money spending issue. Does anyone here have any suggestions or comments? I posted this hear because it really seems to be a mix of everything.

Thanks for your time!

why would we give a free advise to a miser?

This is a difficult time of life for anyone, because of the enormous life changes that are going on. You're expected to be ready for alot of things: Forming semi-serious relationships, going into the world, supporting oneself independently to some degree. The fact that everyone gets pushed through these experiences at the same time doesn't allow for the fact that not everyone is ready at the same time, which makes people who need more time look "weirder" relative to everyone else than they actually are.

That said, I do think you have sufficient grounds to see a counsellor. The rule of thumb is, is it interfering with your everyday life, and yes, your emotional state is interfering. Your grades have slipped, you are experiencing significant distress socially, and you have lost motivation and enjoyment in normal activities.

So, yes, you need a counsellor.

While you're doing that, however, keep an eye on the rest of your life, as it will help you to maintain your high level of function, and that in itself will help you achieve a better state emotionally more quickly. It is quite reasonable for you to be afraid of being a cashier, because that is exactly what happens to people who do not take care of the opportunities they are given, in terms of intelligence and education. You're very realistic in that fear; cashiers are made, not born. So. Focus for now and those things that will keep you moving forward toward a more secure future, so that when that future arrives, you'll be prepared, and you won't have to be a cashier. Socially, don't worry so much right now. Your energy needs to go towards you right now, not other people so much. When you're ready, that will come naturally.

Good luck.