I was caught stealing!

Hello my name is Jim and am a 22 year old college student who attends the University of Minnesota. I have been diagnosed with severe Kleptomania by my psychiatrist, Dr. Gibbs. I am sure that I have stolen thousands of things in my life. I steal things that value from gum to basketballs hoops. Stealing is just a part of my life, and whenever I get the sudden urge to steal I have no choice, I just go out and do it to get the relieve the pain. However, there are some consequences to all of this stealing. Just last week I was going to steal a hair dryer at a local Wal-Mart, and the alarm at the front of the store went of as I was exiting. I saw the cop that was on guard start after me. I tore away to my car as fast as I could and threw the hair dryer in the back seat and sped away. I saw the flashing lights of the cops car light up behind me. I took a left down Robert Street. I was speeding at 80 mph and I almost ran over an old lady walking her dog. I was out in to the country roads now. The sun was just starting to set in the western sky. I must have gone down the road for 15 minutes before I saw a helicopter over my car. I knew that things were getting serious now. I heard the police start to shoot bullets at the wheels of my car. They hit my back right wheel and my car started to turn. I struggled with all of my might to keep the car on the road. All of a sudden, BLABAM! All four of my wheels went out. I quickly realized that they had put spikes out in the road. Those cops are good alright. Well now there were sparks shooting out from the back of my car and there was gas leaking all over the road. I stopped the car and got out. I surrendered to the police and was handcuffed and put in the back of the car. They then proceded to shoot tranquilizer darts into my neck and I feel fast asleep. I woke up back at the station and I had to pay a 250 dollar fine for this whole ordeal, but it was worth it because I managed to steal the hair dryer!

Kleptomania is a very debilitating disease. If you have it or suspect that you have it please seek help from a psychologist immediately.

Tranq darts? Whaaa? Most police agencies wont use that because they dont want someone to have a reaction to the stuff and sue the city

Wow.. that's insane!

Sounds like you're also a compulsive liar.

I may be wrong, but I don't think some of those things are used to catch shoplifters.
Well you were also driving recklessly so that could be why.

Ummmm, at college, are you also taking a FICTION writing class?

LOL! That was too good. You just made my day, mate.

But seriously. A helicopter? That must have been a pretty expensive hair dryer.

I mean, I can't believe you got away with a 250 dollar fine. No interrogation? No mind-altering drugs or torture? I'd be surprised if the CIA isn't after you as we speak, watching your every move.