by MyFracturedMind » Mon Jan 06, 2014 9:33 pm
{b}I'm going to be more honest than in my entire life, which is probably longer than anyone's on this board. There isn't enough room for me to note all the items I've stolen or shoplifted from stores. So I will stick to the past month or so. I think the holidays and stress about an upcoming surgery triggered a rash of stealing. None was premeditated or even needed. I had money with me nearly each time or a credit card. I would just see something and be unable to resist taking it. From stores, public places and friends' homes: 6-8 pair of pajamas that I don't need or particularly like, bras that aren't my size or style, socks that were for children (I'm an adult with no kids), books that I would never read, earrings that I would not buy as they were too cheap, Christmas decorations from a public Christmas tree (I had no tree up at home, so threw away a few and gave away the others to friends who thanked me and had no idea they were stolen, pens, eye drops that I can't use, aspirin that I can't take, an electric travel toothbrush (have a better one), case for my cell phone (have a better one), a large tote to carry some of the stolen merchandise out of the store, boxes of canned cat food and dry cat food (had plenty of money and my cats don't eat canned food or the brand of dry food I took), moisturizing cream, mascara, lipsticks, concealer (from a friend's bathroom), foods from the cupboards of the same friend (had most of the same at home), a 3-foot high statuary Virgin Mary for an outdoors area (I'm neither religious nor Catholic, and live in a second-floor apt without a place to put it -- so I dropped it in a public dumpster), a handmade angel decoration to hang on something (I don't "do" angels), 30 pair of underwear, three coats of various sizes, gloves (not my size so gave as a gift), a few bottles of wine, Scotch tape (had plenty), figurine of boy angel (another angel thing), two 2014 calendars, magazines that I don't normally read, hair products, holiday cards -- seven boxes -- that I don't send as I don't celebrate the Christmas or other religious holidays, sequin top (gave to my sister as gift). pack of kitchen towels (gave to my sister-in-law), five pair of jeans (not needed and various sizes), about same number of leggings not my size, T-shirts (men's) that I can't wear, bag of coffee beans (no grinder at home), a life-size metal dress form (I can't even begin to think about why I took this item), spray paint (have no use for it), orange juice in large bottles, bags of candy bars and other candies, and on and on and on. I'm sure there is more, but these items are what I can remember. I got caught two days ago with the travel toothbrush and phone cover, and was arrested for theft. So I now -- for the first time in three years -- have a court date after the humiliation of being taken to jail for processing in handcuffs and total humiliation and panic. Both feelings have intensified since getting home. I don't have money for an attorney so asked for a public defender, knowing that never in the past has one truly tried to help me. I would say I've hit bottom, but have said and meant it a dozen other times. When a trigger occurs, I just can't stop myself. Not sure what I expect from this forum other than feeling better knowing that others have the same or similar problem. There aren't many posts or replies to posts on this topic, so that's a bit disheartening. But this is a topic that is one of shame and failure to most of those who are afflicted with it. Therapy and meds have never helped me. With therapy, I've never had a therapist or p-doc who understood kleptomania or the inability to control impulses. They just stuck me with a new different diagnosis and suggested cognitive behavioral therapy. I 'm feeling pretty hopeless, as I'm far from young and know that while I'm terrified and filled with self-loathing right now, the problem can arise again with whatever triggers it. Law enforcement isn't educated on this subject and most just lump everyone they arrest for stealing into the same category. I will appreciate all replies. Thanks for the interest.{/b}
{\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252
{\fonttbl\f0\fnil\fcharset0 ArialMT;}
{\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;\red0\green0\blue238;\red82\green44\blue27;}
\deftab720
\pard\pardeftab720\partightenfactor0
{\field{\*\fldinst{HYPERLINK "http://ii.paulayoung.com/fcgi-bin/iipsrv.fcgi?FIF=/images/paulayoung//source/A4535_1.tif&wid=1000&cvt=jpeg"}}{\fldrslt
\f0\fs26 \cf2 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0
\outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 \
}}\pard\pardeftab720\partightenfactor0
\f0\fs26 \cf3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0
\outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec3 \
\
}