Why do people want children?

Because it's just an instinct that some people have and others don't. Andno,the world wouldn't be better if people were born as adults, because adults are dumb and not nearly as adorable.

Children do have downsides. Everyone has a downside, a flaw. But children provide little moments of joy. Holding your newborn for the first time; snuggling up with your toddler; that moment when you get your teen to open up and talk.

Postperson wrote:I'm autistic too and the noise would drive me insane. I've moved to get away from neighbours with kids.

Children are not to blame for misbehaviour. Parents are. I have three children and I CANT.STAND.NOISE. therefore they are very quiet. Seriously, my two rats make more noise than my three kids.

Why do people have children?

All sorts of reasons.

People don't have them sometimes for good reason too. They don't get any free time. If their work situations aren't solid enough, or they don't have enough skills to be gainfully employed, they can suffer huge hardship and, likely, burnout. Kids need dentist appointments, new shoes, school fees, maybe doctor appointments, they eat like horses, etc, etc, They need a loving stable environment, as well.

I've told my ex early on in our relationship that if I was to have a child with her, we'd have to be able to afford hired help because I can't handle being a full-time daddy and working and blah, blah, blah.... I'd likely go nuts, literally and seriously. I need more rest than most people.

My friend just had a kid about 6 months ago. The baby is super cute and fun but I wouldn't want to have to run after him even for 1/2 time duties and pull in a decent income in the meantime. I can forecast a real burnout scenario for me. Luckily, my friend is in his mid-twenties and so is the mom, and they have lots of relatives around to help, so I don't worry about their abilities to physically handle the demands, but if you're like me and you're around 40, it's a different story. My friend and his woman aren't living together any more, either. They didn't know each other very well before this baby was born and it wasn't planned, and blah, blah, blah... a common story, I'm afraid.

I don't see how people can take the job of raising children so lightly. I don't hear a lot of talk of wanting to raise children. I hear a lot of talk of "wanting babies..." Yipee. And, you thought you had it rough raising a cute kid, just wait until they're teenagers and maybe they skip school every other day, maybe they steal your car, maybe you get a call from the cops at 3am because they were drunk driving... Wasn't quite the cute baby you pictured is it? Or, if they're a girl, maybe they get pregnant and then you can look after a grandchild for awhile as well.

I just wish a lot of folks would get real.

Sure, I wanted kids when I was young, but times have changed dramatically since the rosy, easy-breezy 1970's. So, now I'm a lot older and I've faced up to reality. I don't want to feel burnt out raising a child. Case closed. I've faced my situation head-on and admitted it. OK, so maybe I'll meet someone who is young, wealthy and wants to do it. I might consider it, then. Maybe.

I see a few folks I know in my inner circle who can't shake their "dreams" of "having a family." And, that's all they are, dreams. Well, dream on. If they wanted them in this life, they should've gotten their crap together years ago, met someone nice and if that worked out, then they could discuss it and do it without many of the headaches. I see them, in last ditch-efforts trying to forge some kind of relationship to foster this scenario. Or, they decide to do it on their own. It's shoddy, in my mind. It's like baking with sawdust! If I were to raise a child, I'd want to do it like a fine, artesan loaf of bread, cultivated carefully and done with lots of care and and some forethought. They say statistically most babies in this modern N.American culture aren't planned, like 75% or some crazy thing like that.... Sheeessssshhhhh.....

I didn't used to want any, and everyone told me "hoho, you'll change your mind in a few years, young man," and I'd laugh at them smugly and be all like pfaff whatever dude, you don't f-ing know me. I hate kids!

But now it's changed. For one thing, I think this to myself: dumber, poorer, less capable people than me have children all the time and it actually works out quite well for most of them. So what excuse to I have? Is that really something I can't do?

Do I want to be alone the rest of my life? No. And sure, some individualist will come on and say, oh, you should be able to be alone, that's the only healthy way to be. BS to that. Alone is not natural nor beneficial.

I noticed this while dating too. Since I tend to date older women, most of them have had no children. The ones who had no children at 30+ were all crazy. I'm serious. Having children totally brings people into a better space. I find it harder to get along with people who are opposed to having them, even though I have more in common with them than family types. The best women were the single mothers.

It's probably part of my borderline-ness, but my change of heart on the matter comes down to wanting people around me, but closer than friends. And I guess that's what family is supposed to be. I don't know why it's so uncool nowadays.

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SYL wrote:Do I want to be alone the rest of my life? No. And sure, some individualist will come on and say, oh, you should be able to be alone, that's the only healthy way to be. BS to that. Alone is not natural nor beneficial.

Some people do find it to be beneficial.

The ones who had no children at 30+ were all crazy. I'm serious.

And the only common denominator was lack of children, undoubtedly.

Having children totally brings people into a better space.

According to you "dumb and incapable" people have children all of the time. And even if this observation was true, child abuse and neglect (among other things) wouldn't exist. Unless of course, you're down with shaken baby syndrome.

Just because someone is stupid doesn't mean they're incapable of taking care of a child. That's my whole point. A whole lot of stupid people are great parents, and if they can do it, why does it have to be something to dread? This is not counting abusive people. Abusive people would be abusive with or without children and I'm not talking about violent people.

I didn't say the women I dated who didn't want children were psychotic or abusive. There's just something about them. Since everyone hates the word "normal" now, I can't use that. But there's something a bit crazy there.

And no, that wasn't all that was crazy about them. But to me it's obviously a sign of whatever else they have.

And I use myself as an example too. The better my mental health becomes, the more I find myself thinking about having children, whereas before it seemed out of the question and stupid.

why does anyone need to be criticised for wanting kids?

Why even ask this question? It's a biological thing completely normal to want kids.

That's not to say anyone should feel bad or unnormal for not wanting them. Nobody has to want kids.

Why does anyone care so much about what others do?

Personally I do not want children because it is dreadfully average, it would take up my time, I believe the world is overpopulated, I do not like young children, I have some very child-unfriendly plans in the world & I have other things in mind.
But does that mean there is something wrong with women who want to get married & have kids? No of course not.

I have a problem with women who say they got a real life when they had kids, that makes steam come out of my ears, my blood boil & commitment to non-violence be questioned.
Some women want kids, some don't, you shouldn't have to not have kids to be a feminist, and you shouldn't have kids to be fufilled.

But I always thought that if the desire ever arose I'd adopt from foster care & this would be when I'm at least fourty id not older.