How old are you?

I also found that I could relate to a lot of people here when I first started using this website. I am sure that it has contributed a substantial amount to my ongoing recovery in life. I mean, before discovering this website, I thought that I was the only person in the entire world who acted the way I act. As it turns out, however, there are many others like me.

No-one likes to be alone...

Kevin

"No one likes to be alone."

That's a fact. I got married once just so I wouldn't be alone.

Big mistake. If I had it all to do over again I think I'd get a pet goldfish. Or better yet, one of those fighting Betas. Put it into a big bowl instead of one of those crappy cups they're in.

Hey,

Did you seriously get married just so you wouldn't be alone? I have thought about whether or not I would do the same recently, but I came to the realisation that I would probably be more unhappy married to a person i didn't truly love than I would be if I just lived alone.

Why do you view yours as a mistake though?

Kevin

I found myself in a similar situation also. I was so close to doing it too it was almost scary. Luckily I came to my senses. At the time I was so, so lonely. I'm glad I stuck it out now. Singleitis as I call it, is not a bad thing. If we don't fixate on actually being single and enjoy it. I'm not single now but if it were to come around the corner and I had a case of singleitis again I honestly would embrace it.
Although I'm very happy in my relationship at the moment there are positives to being in a relationship and having a fix of singleitis.

Chucky wrote:Hey,

Did you seriously get married just so you wouldn't be alone?

Why do you view yours as a mistake though?

Kevin

I seriously did, in fact, I got married 3X for basically the same reason. All 3 marriages ended in divorce. Go figure.

At the time I thought I was *in love* but looking back after the third failed marriage I found the real reason was that I just didn't like the idea of being alone. All marriages ended in failure due to all 3 cheating on me. Didn't matter who they were, a woman I met in church, a woman who became a go-go dancer after we split up or a professional-career woman, they all cheated.

I'm married again and I might say very happily married too. Been with my current wife longer than anyone else and we'll probably stick together forever. It's still a mystery to me why she likes me but she does so I don't question it too much.

My advice would be to find a best friend, one you can trust and until then, stay single and keep an eye on your money.

My marriages were a mistake because I wasted a lot of time and money and though you can get more money you'll never get the time back. I'm not buying any existential stuff like 'look at what I learned' or 'I may have never found the right one' or any such hoodeehaa. Who knows how things would've been different if I didn't end up buying 2 houses and 30 acres of land for women. I say, if you're not the best of friends just don't do it. There's one celebrity, I think it's Rod Stewart, who says that instead of getting married again he's just going to find a woman and give her a house. I know how he feels.

Hmm, thanks for your insight into the world of marriage! Whilst I do hear a lot of negativity about marriage, it seems like one of those things that I have to try (just to see how bad it is for myself!) Ah no, I'm joking - If I get married, I intend it to be for the right reasons. You intimated that friends make the best partners, and I wholeheartedly agree.

As you are in your fourth marriage, do you think that people become more accepting of each other's differences as they get older?

Kevin

Chucky wrote:
...do you think that people become more accepting of each other's differences as they get older?

Kevin

I can't say I do. I've always been pretty accepting of differences. I don't think my age has much to do with it. My Mother always used to say, "Imagine how boring it would be if everybody was the same", so I was raised that way.

I meant in a relationship though and, actually, allow me to rephrase the question: Do you think that people become more accepting of each other's apparent flaws as they get older? No wait, actually, that's too harsh. What I'm trying to say is are you more accepting of traits that you don't like in your partner, as you get older?

For example, a couple in their 20's: The husband hates the way his young wife dyes her hair and dresses. Eventually, this bothers him so much that he wants out. This, in my opinion, would not happen at all in a relationship between two older people.

Kevin

Some people mellow with age and some people become more bitter. I've no idea why it's that way. A personal thing no doubt.

Are you more tolerant than you used to be when you were younger?

Yes, certainly, I am more tolerant of things in girls (hey, I'm 25 - Let's call them 'women'!) than I was in the past. What has changed is less concern about physicality, and more concern about mentality. I guess, when I look at a girl now, I analyse how well our personalities would match-up, rather than imaging what she'd look like with no clothes on. I'm not too pushy on looks at all now, in fact.