And in other news....

The world black pudding throwing championship (which was due to be held this month in the town of Ramsbottom, UK) has unfortunately (due to coronavirus) been cancelled.

National Doughnut Day happened. No one celebrated it because of the virus. There was no parade, not concert, no one played Pin The Tail on Hitler, it was awful.

Production of Wagon Wheels and Jammie Dodger biscuits could be halted at an Edinburgh factory this month as staff strike over pay, a union has warned.

Cadbury leaves customers crushed with chocolate bar announcement.

Main road blocked due to overturned tractor and 'potatoes on the road' near Altrincham.

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Pope Useless the XXVII celebrates the return of THE VIRUS.

The Edge starts singing: Give War a Chance.

President Gilmore Chutney reelected.

The decorators of the communal area painted my front door shut.

Absolute chaos broke out tonight in the Western residence when a butter knife accidentally got placed in the wrong compartment of the cutlery drawer.

The residents association was immediately called out to the scene but unfortunately they were unable to attend.

In a statement the leader of said association admitted that her front door had been painted shut by halfwit painters.

The issue of butter knives finding their way into the fork compartment of cutlery drawers is an ever increasing problem in our inner cities.

Rare rufous bush chat in UK for first time in 40 years

Birdwatchers have descended on a salt marsh to see a bird not seen in Britain for 40 years.

The rufous bush chat was spotted at Stiffkey, north Norfolk, prompting up to 100 birdwatchers to go to see it.

Native to southern Spain, Africa and the Balkans the bird, also known as the rufous warbler and rufous bush robin, is rarely seen in northern Europe.

Dick Filby, of Rare Bird Alert, said it "would have been heading for a tropical climate and went the wrong way."

He said the last time the bird was spotted in Britain was at Prawle Point in Devon in 1980.

"In 1998, one was seen in Jersey (part of the British Isles but not classed as part of Britain)."

Mr Filby said he hoped birdwatchers would be wearing masks and keeping socially-distanced as they enjoyed the view