Let's write a story?

Even his enquiring mind wouldn't allow him the privilege of finding out so he proceeded to nibble the stale crust of an old cheese sandwich that he found in the glove compartment.

Outside, tension grew and as the Kings ketchup arrived General phlegm was cut loose and dropped into the pit.

For five and a half minutes the crowd silenced and then all at once there ecoed "The burp of Arby's" and the general shot up out of the flames of the pit.

Panic ensued and the crowd ran this way and that in an attempt to avoid the general landing on top of them. Clubs and axes took to the air as warriors flung them in an attempt to knock the flying general out of the sky.

The King yawned as he had seen it all before. This kind of thing always happens at mardi gras. The only surprise was was that it normally happens after the malibu.

HSS peeped one eye out of the Toyota only to see...

... the shadows of the aforementioned camp of mutating carrots and the weird creature (that had been waiting with the box containing three holograms and an Ancients' letter outside of Eve's and Alex's home) - [page 5]

This peaked HSS' curiosity, and they finally extracted themselves from under the Toyota.

"But.... but... how?" for HSS remembered the foretelling of the camp of mutating carrots - and the requirements of their summoning.

The weird creature nodded in appreciation, "The name's Casey Jones, and as you can see by the manifestation of the carrots, I know how to use the powder correctly..."

His sentence was abruptly cut off by a fit of hacking. Trying to force oxygen into his lungs, his eyes watered and face turned from red to blue. Casey doubled over, and from his pretty little fanny pack, fell out a box of baking ingredient, a lighter, a spoon and a mutilated pop can half covered in ashes.

Casey straighted out and tried to appear dignified, but he'd peed himself a little too.

Through this entire cluster ###$ of a $#%^ show, Datura was sitting in a corner overstimulated, devastated and rocking.

At first it was only because she didn't understand what was going on, and she needed to understand things; she needed things to make sense.

But then, HSS had withdrawn at the sight of the worms because it must have been one of the earthworms that she'd combed out of her hair when she dislodged her head from the inside the ground.

"I scared them away," she rocked "I never mean to scare people." "Why am I so creepy?"
Her angst was now so intense she'd stopped rocking and lay on the ground half catatonic.

The hamburglar, the giant purple butt plug looking dude, and the rest of Ronald Macdonald's gang, who'd been staying out of things up until then, cavorted over to her and started patting her head and stroking her.

HSS, who was now over with Saucy, Manners, Oblivion, and the rest of them, said over their shoulder without looking, "stop being a drama queen, Datura, and come here. We need to examine Hermes' scroll."

Datura, with hope renewed, eagerly scrambled up to rush over, but tripped and fell on her face because in her earlier distress, she'd begun to sprout roots into the earth again.

She looked around in trepidation, hoping the Reaper-bot and their scythe didn't see her because she had suspected she may be stuck for a while.

While she grappled in the background with the problem she created for herself, the others...

...hungrily encircled the Hamburgular and his gang. Wielding forks and knives, they began to poke and chop at them. Blood and bits of flesh sprayed everywhere. Ronald MacDonald was the last to go down,
shielding his clownish face from the onslaught. At last, he was dead. It was then that Saucy straddled his corpse, still stabbing and slashing his lifeless body like a Manson acolyte. The others had to pull him off, but he broke free, and leapt back on the dead clown, stabbing and slashing still. Finally, he stopped, shakily regained his footing, and hobbled over to a nearby tree which he leaned against weakly, sobbing.

"It's PTSD." Manners whispered to Oblivion. "He's remembering the burger wars from his home planet. It was a horrid thing, and none of the Saucypeople will ever be the same. It's forbidden to mention."

Oblivion considered this and looked at Saucy with pity. He walked quietly over to Saucy who was, at last, composing himself.

"Hey Saucy..."Oblivion said gently. He leaned in and with his mouth just inches from Saucy's ear, he said "Quarter Pounder with cheese!"

Saucy began wailing again, pounding his fists on the tree until they bled.

"That should keep him occupied for a while." Said Oblivion. "Come on, guys, let's dig up Datura."

But it was too late...

... she'd already dug herself up to tend to Saucy's bloodied fists because these "amazing" souls had become her garden which was "everything [she'd] dreamt of and more!"
She planned to tend to them - and harvest, and feed off the fruits they produced forever and ever and ever
- even if it meant that she needed to deal with granny's chambers of glory holes - or their homicide attempts - or Rex wearing out his envenomated 'member' and thus starting up his ######6 grunting on a weekly basis -  or anything else.

She went over to where Saucy was now pounding on Oblivion's chest, and shoved a Xanax-coated cane toad into poor Saucy's mouth and a spliff into Oblivion's and pleaded, "Please hush you two, Rex is finally asleep!"

The quiet momentary success was accompanied by Datura getting pelted by one of severed heads, Manners' had pocketed earlier, leaving her covered in blood and entrails.

"Manners, you really like throwing things don't you?" muttered Datura, wiping blood out of her eyes, mouth, and nose.

But Manners wasn't listening because she was busy puffing off the joint Oblivion passed her with one hand and Saucy's Xanax coated cane-toad in her other hand.

*grunt* *grunt* *grunt*

Datura groaned, "See what you've done? You've gotten Rex going again"

They looked over to find that he'd gotten ahold of the severed head Manners had thrown at Datura.

With a barely reaching hand grasping each ear,

*grunt* *grunt* *grunt*

"Oh Rex, no! Manners, I'm not cleaning that up."

But Manners, Oblivion and Saucy were all roaring because that's not the only place where grunting was coming from.

Datura looked to where they were looking and saw that granny and Alex were both straddling corpses like Saucy had been.... just not for the same reasons.

Upon seeing this, Datura buried herself into the earth again because she didn't want to deal with it.

But the war had only begun, out of the sky came ...

A rubber chicken. It came down so hard and fast that it shook the whole of the forest. It shot right through the earth to the other side, taking with it 4 trees and Saucys hat.

Everyone just stood there stunned for 23 seconds (HSS was timing it and logging all the events).

"does this mean we're at war"? Asked Manners to Datura.

"I think we are" came the response

The war definitely had began. It was originally only a feud between to neighboring hamlets in North Wales about 1500 years ago. The feud had never been resolved and as the world grew then so did the feud and now in the year 3000 and something it was a full scale intergalactic fracas. The news call it a fracas just to play it down and not to cause mass panic.

"of course we're at war" snapped Oblivion whilst rolling up his sleeves. "we need to start digging". "we need to go underground"

"going underground" Manners started to sing quite gaily.

"stop that, stop that now, we need some...

....wait...did you just start singing "Going Underground?!" Oblivion asked.

"Kind of..." Manners said demurely.

"That's my favorite Jam song! That's like one of my favorite songs ever!"

Manners and Oblivion took to the stage and began to perform for the troops, who threw rubber chickens in appreciation as they ripped through the entire Jam catalogue. However they were unaware of the bucket of pig's blood that hovered above them, put in place by Claire, who was leading the chicken forces. She patiently waited for the last verse of "The Eton Rifles" before pulling the cord. Chaos would ensue, the troops would rebel, and victory would be handed to the chickens.

Or so Claire thought....

What she didn't know was that Alex had replaced the bucket of blood with a box of....

... chicken feed and roofies.
In one fowl swoop, the chicken forces were to be defeated.
(Alex and granny had grown bored of the corpses).

As the stage became overtaken by a tidal wave of poultry, Oblivion and Manners jumped off the stage, grabbing onto the ropes hanging down from the ceiling and swung over the crowd.

"We need to find a car to jack," noted one of them. They searched for a nearby vehicle to steal with no avail.

"Jackhammers? Did someone say they needed Jackhammers?" inquired Saucy, bouncing over on a fancy chrome model.
He tossed one to Manners and then one to Oblivion.

Datura saw this as the perfect opportunity to slip away. She put on her coat and sunglasses; tied her hair up, flipped up her collar and pulled out her magical Mary Poppins umbrella.

She had a situation that she didn't like to talk about.
A few years back she'd slept with the devil.
The baphomet to be exact.

Saucy had mistaken him for a centaur and called him her father - she hadn't appreciated that at all; so what if she occasionally liked older men?
Regardless, it enforced her dislike for one-night-stands.
Not only had she mistaken the baphomet's breasts for man-boobs, it never occured to her that it might have strange reproductive powers too - such as parthenogenesis (most commonly found in lizards) where an exact genetic replica could be created without pairing. Unlike lizards though, the baphomet needed an orgasm with another in order to activate the process.

He didn't tell her until after the hellspawn were born, and to add a evil twist, he gave them Datura's eyes, so that he could force her to help take care of them.

He'd demanded she take custody of them for the Christmas holidays while he went to an all inclusive resort in Cuba with his brother Pan, Hades, Persephone, Hecate and Kali.

She was going to lawyer-up in the spring.
She never wanted children to begin with.

Before she slipped away, she smiled fondly at the bunch and was confident they'd have a lovely holiday destroying everything in their paths.

Saucy and Manners were riding their jackhammers like Harleys trying to run down Claire, Alex and Rex the same way seagulls ambushed bread crumbs at the beach.

Oblivion had detoured, wielding his jackhammer with glee, crushing, drilling, bouncing on a sole survivor of the Ronald Macdonald gang.

Manners took brief pause in order to hack into the live 24hour ongoing news bulletin board to replace the word "fracas" with "end of days" and adding, in bold flashing letters, "PANIC"

High-end escorts perched in the shadows outside the concert stadium, eyeing all three of them like starving vultures.
'Twas a wonderful Night Before Christmas

But then a transparent figure silently appeared, and then another and another and another.
Soon they were surrounded.

Were they the ghosts of the Macdonald gang's corpses?
Did Claire's chicken troops OD on the roofies?
Were they the ghosts of Christmas past?
Were they their consciences?

Who were they - and what did they want?

They were the h2o's commonly known as the intergalactic water people who had evolved from water droplets that had been sucked into space by the gravitational pull of a nearby black hole.

The water people had been monitoring the action of our planet since the very first bbc news broadcast in 1954. The sound waves took 100 years to reach them and ever since they have been travelling through space and time to astonish us with their magnificent transparency.

By now there wasn't much left of the once beautiful scene. Chicken feathers filled the air, visibility was poor and three raving lunatics were wielding jackhammers through trees, chickens, and the very last survivor of the macdonals enterprise.

"I won't miss your burgers" screamed Oblivion as he tore into the big fat burger monster. "you're over priced and what's more you've never satisfied my appetite. You're a fraud"

Datura turned round for one last look at the scene and without a hint of the nervousness she had previously felt she went to her pocket and pulled out a....

... fishing hat brimming with hooks and then set her Mary Poppins umbrella on fire.

"Screw dealing with the devil and his demon seeds," she thought to herself, "these h20 folk are more interesting than anything I've come across in ages."
She wanted to hear all about space, their travels, and their evolution.

As she tried to brainstorm a way of approaching them in a seemingly socially-competent manner, she also noted that they'd have to make sure no one used the words "nearby black hole" around Rex.

Datura looked over in the water folk's direction, urgently searching for something in their vicinity to fix her eyes upon.
She sighted a pebble, and purposefully strode over to it, not looking away from it even once.

With hands on her hips and conviction, she stared down at the rock.
She put on the mask of suspicion as an excuse to crouch down and examine the unnoteworthy pebble.

As Datura did so, she eavesdropped on the water people's conversation.
When the talk turned to the topic of their magnificent transparency, she forgot herself and started blatantly staring at them from the ground.

When they noticed her, they appeared disconcerted and side stepped away from her to continue their conversation.

She hastily turned back to the rock and started stroking it so she'd look natural, but she knew she was missing out, so she tried to remember how she'd been approached by strangers in the past - visions of white vans and candy danced in her head.

The h2os caught Datura's covetous stares again; it was now or never.
She stood up, put her palms face-up infront of her and strained to soften her eyes and mouth to portray a relaxed and friendly person.

"Does anyone know you're here? If not, I have a garage you could come rest in. It has waterproof buckets you may like,"
Datura tried to sound lighthearted and gay as she spoke so as to hide how much it meant to her.

It didn't go over the way she had hoped.

How could it have?

It's obvious they were deterred by:

Oblivion unrelentlessly battling it out with the dead and dying

Manners randomly launching severed heads at people

Saucy exposing himself by way of greetings

Rex, granny, and Alex's weird kinks

Claire's attitude problem

The water people were slowly backing away, but they could not be allowed to leave, they're presence on the battle grounds was vital because....

.