Let's write a story?

coerce this SquareDonutWheels to partake in a the group trust-building-exercise I'm about to have us all do," casting a furtive glance to her red hot priming oven, Manners went on to say,
"you only get one chance with the SDW, and if you fail, the SDW will....

...turn you into a pimple, pop you, and wipe you on her pants leg."

Saucy shuddered. He had been a pimple before.

"Then we shall find this Spare Donut Wheel and-"

"Square."

"We shall find this Spare Donut Wheel Square and she will join the-"

"Square. Square donut wheel you stupid ###$. Pull the $#%^ out of you ears for once."

Saucy's lip quivered. A lonesome tear made it's way down his cheek. He sniffled.

Alex glared at Manners and said, "Good going, Manners, you made him cry now."

"That's nothing!" Manners quipped. "You should see the time I made him..

*Thwack!* - a Buddha Toad had flown backwards and landed indignantly in Manner's mid-sentenced mouth.

From between his legs, Saucy had pulled out, and launched, another one of his rare Cane Toads (that little extra stash he always denied having when he claimed his very last one escaped - just like with the psychnurses back home who he chained to the old oak tree in his backyard).

Stalling for time, Saucy growled, "You just be grateful you didn't get the arrow, Manners!"

Exasperated, Alex whined, "You're wasting time! We need gather the rest of The Ancients! We need more than just Manners, HSS, and you, Saucy! Even once we round up SDW and Oblivion, it will still not be enough for what's coming"

"We have to find SDW! Manners can only open the portal, but after we enter the red hot oven, only SDW knows the way back to the realm that is forbidden to even speak of. The Ancients like Reaper, JOMP, SolemnlySworn, Zero, CinnamonCookie, Aeva, and all the other ones are now locked within the very bowels of hell by Hades. He's transformed his hellhounds into cutisie teddybears wearing onsies. These monsters laugh at and taunt them while perpetually keeping them on the edge of climax surrounded by 'love and light.' Laughing, laughing, always the goddamn maddening ######6 laughing!"

Saucy raised his eyebrows, "Where does Oblivion come in?"

"Jesus! Get with the program! You were there while HSS explained this to us," groaned Alex, pulling at his hair.

Muffled noises came from Manners dilated-pupilled direction.

"Yes, yes, I was just going to explain. Hush and enjoy your hallucinations," reassured Alex.

"You see, Oblivion is the only one who can show us how to enter the burning hot oven without our flesh melting off and incinerating us. You do remember Manners telling Oblivion that she won't allow the house to stink like that again, don't you?" Alex glared at Saucy who had stopped listening and was now smoking a "spliff" with Manners.

"Welp, where do we begin this tall order then, Alex?" 

"Then, this is our mission", said Alex. "Entering the dark greenwood when the sun is rising, we will find a golden road, formed by indestructible, little pebbles: it's easy to recognize them, as they are Eve's cornflakes... do you recall that they are from the ancient age, right?”
“That road leads to a vast expanse of hallucinogens mushrooms, but be careful there! If you eat the mushrooms, you will be transformed into blond cheerleaders!” continued Alex, watching at Saucygirl with some concern.
“...if we can pass that meadow being sober, we will find a cave. People say that there is a magical, phosphorescent parrot there, that can make the prophecies...”

"I don't know what to make of this" said Saucy. "it's like it's there but it's not, every time I try to grab it it just disappears and appears again over there. It's sending my head west".

"worry not young man" said HSS "this is normal in the land of The Disappearing Objects".

Just then Greebo showed up with a map that he made himself of an underground overground impossible endless maze. "if you can crack this then you're a better man than JOMP" he quothed.

"Amazing" said Datura who appeared out of one of the pages of a book. "this is everything I've dreamt of and more".

"well don't get to comfy" said Oblivion "we have a mission to achieve and if we don't pull Saucy out of his tree soon we'll....

we'll never see him again."
They looked over to see Saucy stretched out along a low hanging branch as the delighted tree popped sticky bits of cherry into his mouth with one of its thin flexible vines.

A coward he was not, and because of this, the tree had taken a liking to him - and him to it it. 

It reminded him of the old oak tree back home, and he reminded the tree of a particularly nourishing blond cheerleader that it had fattened up to fertilize itself with.

Off in the distance, Claire, the immortal chicken, watched them coldly. They had stolen her purpose. Her purpose had been all that she had left in this life.

And to add insult to injury, these humanoids were interfering with how many of the local trees were purchasing her droppings for fertilizer. It was really cutting into her revenues and erotic video opportunities - luckily it was the videos of her seductively laying eggs that were the real cash cow.

If they had been searching for an archenemy to add to the $#%^ show, wish granted.

But first, she needed to...

..kill the Queen.

Her side job as an international assassin had been paying off well. Nobody ever expects the chicken.

But the Queen was a shape-shifting entity, and Claire knew she could have taken any form...Saucy, Datura, Manners, even the tree. For all she knew, it could even be herself. She would have to kill everybody.

But first, tacos. She had Taco Bell coupons that were about to expire, and despite the million dollar contract on the Queen, she couldn't resist a good two-for-one deal.

There were no Taco Bells in the Black Cherry Slurpee Forest, so Claire had quite a journey ahead of her.

It was then that a small, sweet voice rang out behind her: "Are you looking for Taco Bell?"

Claire turned. It was Dorothy Gale.

"Why yes, yes I am." Said Claire.

"Well we're on our way to find the Wizard. Me, Scarecrow, the Tin Woodsman, and Reaper. If we all go together, we might stand a chance of avoiding the wicked witch, and we could all become friends!" Dorothy said.

"That sounds lovely," said Claire. "Let me just put on my bonnet."

Claire reached under her wing, pulled out her Smith & Wesson .500 and shot them all dead. One of them could have been the Queen. After throwing their limp, bloody bodies in the river, Claire despaired. Now she would have no company on her trip to Taco Bell.

"Oh bother," Claire sighed. "Such a long way to go for such an old chicken.."

The journey would be perilous and fraught with suspense: she only had four hours until the coupon expired...

"How does no one notice me, a giant, vain, jealous, pyromaniac dinosaur?" mused Rex,
"I have to hand it to Claire, she knows her wing around a revolver."

Watching her methodically feather the shiny steel barrel, until it sprayed bullets all over that clan of Oz folk, was impressive enough for Rex to deem her a worthy opponent of that cheating bastard Barney's love.

He did wish Reaper had been spared though because he would have recruited a living black cloak and scythe like her onto his side.
He knew what they didn't: she had powers of echolocation when she vocally went off - it would've been a great advantage when navigating the black forest.

That Datura who'd appeared out the pages of that book, on the otherhand, was shady AF.

Datura's truly joyful exclamations of, "amazing!" and  "this is everything I've dreamt of and more!" in the face of darkness and evil and macabre individuals just wasn't decent.

Rex could swear he recognized her to be the ugly, old, purple Madam Mim from the 1963 Disney documentary, "The Sword in The Stone," about the days of King Author, Merlin, Hermes and the like. She'd always had an unrequited girl-version of a hard-on for that decrepit old, knobbly-kneed wizard, Merlin.

Madame Mim, too, was a shapeshifter, but unlike the queen, she preferred living underground or under bridges like a sexy beast of a troll.

He wondered if any of the others had noticed that once Manners recieved the magical, overly excited, phosphorescent parrot's instruction, directing them westward, it disappeared - and then and only then, did Datura arrive.

.........

While Rex was pondering all this way off in the shadows, HSS and Manners started trying to wrangle a reluctant Saucy out of the possessive tree, so that they could finally get going on their journey.

"Now where the hell did Oblivion get off to?!"

Alex giggled, "They got the munchies and spotted Claire off in the distance. They were going to try to fry her up, but remembered Claire is immortal, so they gave her some coupons and convinced her to go in search of tacos for them - Don't worry, Oblivion put a 4 hour time limit on it, so they'll be back soon."

"We should prepare for the feast of tacos then. Who shall go down to riverbank for our water?"

Suddenly, a distinctively Australian accent rang out.

"I'd go for the water but I have medical issues that slow me down."

It was Reaper. Apparently, the bullets had hit one of the many metal plates embedded in her head.

"What kind of issues?" Asked Rex.

"I'm not going to repeat myself. I have medical issues that slow me down."

Rex sensed something was wrong. He decided to play along.

"I'm awfully sorry to hear that, Reaper. What do you--"

"Come, join me in the darkness!"

"Uh..Sure, Reaps..."

"I don't give two ###$ about your opinion. What you have to say doesn't at all matter to me."

Rex swallowed. A dark realization had come over him. Reaper had come back alright, but as a bot. Engaging with her now could mean a lifetime of repetition and banality for anyone who dared to do so. He backed away slowly, unaware of the trap set behind him...