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by **VernonJenkins** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:33 am

AmandaBroken wrote:A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist tells him that the condoms come in packs of three, nine, or 12, and asks which ones the young man wants. "Well," he says, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack!" The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he may give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, "Mother, I've got a stomach ache." "That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it." That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, "That's because it's empty," she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."

by **VernonJenkins** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:36 am

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a cat!" -

by **AmandaBroken** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:39 am

VernonJenkins wrote:Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a cat!" -

I already posted that joke...

-- Thu Mar 16, 2017 6:40 pm --

A mother went to pick up her daughter from elementary school and found her doing handstands against the wall. When they got into the car, the mother said, "Darling, I wish you wouldn't do that because the boys can see your panties." "Okay, mommy," the little girl replied. The next day, the mother noticed her little girl's hands looked dirty, so she asked, "You haven't been doing handstands again and letting those boys see your panties, have you?" "Oh no, mummy," the daughter replied. "Honestly! I took them off first."

by **VernonJenkins** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:43 am

Oh.

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

by **AmandaBroken** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:45 am

Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

by **VernonJenkins** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:46 am

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

by **AmandaBroken** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:48 am

A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tombstone, the works. Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?" the husband says, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!"

by **GuyVinces** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:49 am

One man was sad because his 10th wife betrayed him. His neighbor and friend, who was a carpenter, said he had the solution: make a wooden wife.

Everything worked out the first day, until the man spoke to his friend:
- That did not work!
- Because?
- Termites ate her!

by **VernonJenkins** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:49 am

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

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