Secretly losing all control, porn addiction turning worse...

So I am not sure how to write about this, I am a sex addict. I am sinking in my addiction alone, there is no one around I would trust to listen, who would challenge my lies, who could help me fix myself without me advertising to my problem.

So here is the story, I started masterbating at a young age, about 4th grade. Porn was always in the house, and then we got computers. I used to masterbate to porn daily, hiding it. My family held open views about sex, masterbating was never frowned upon. Id masterbate everyday, sometimes for hours. Then I highschool I got my first girlfriend, after 2 years of relationship never having sex or foreplay...we broke up. A month later she gave herself to someone. Then my sex addiction escalated. I looked for women on the internet, one night stands and secret friend with benefits. God I probally sleep with 11 or 12 girls before my next serious relationship at the end of college. I had one other relationship during college, about 3 months long, I was faithful. Then at the end of college, I found an amazing women, got into a great relationship. The most beautiful, sexy, smart, fulfilling woman.....6 months into it all, my sex addiction started getting worse. I started cheating....not with internet people either, people my social circle knew. Today a handful of my friends know I am a cheater. Then my masterbating got very addicting, I was masterbating for hours on end, daily. I joined an internet dating site, I started sending my pic out....to alot of people....trying to get them ok with being a mistress. Over the last 3 years or so of my relationship, I have had sexual relations with 10...maybe more women, since my 3 year relationship began. Additionally, my porn stash including pics of people I knew have been found by my girlfriend 3 times. Somehow I salvaged the relationship. I am living in a house of cards....ready to fall apart any day.

I dont want to lose my life, my job is threatened by my addiction and severe lack of focus. My soon to be siance....will be gone at the next lie I cant cover up. I have tryed to hid it all....I have tryed to quit. It all just keeps getting worse. I am sending my pic out to too many poeple, looking at too much porn, not covering my tracks. I dont want this. I want to stop quietly, and live normally. Enjoy the sex with my mate only, do things during the day other than maserbate. I need to find help, people to relate too, people I can talk with, people who have kicked this sucessfully.

I need to want to get out of my house, away from the porn and computer, away from the TV, involved in others lives. I also hope I can get better to helps others with this same affliction.

Hello, need2stop! You're right, it will help if you find something to keep you busy and away from your porn and computer. Have you thought about looking for a support group where you live? It sounds like you'd need some therapy to get rid of this addiction, there must be places where you can get help "in real life" too. I'm happy you've found this forum, having someone to talk to and give you a bit of support is good. How are you doing?
Do you have hobbies and interests? Try to concentrate on them and spend as much time as you can with your girlfriend.

HI there.. I too have an Addiction and like you it got worse over time... I looked online for addiction sited and the first step is to tell your spouse or closest loved one..That is the first step, secondly talk to your priest or bishop, or spiritual leader.... Thirdly look for porn blockers for the web, I found mine in the apps under manage add ons, Delete any trace off porn from your computer, rewire yourbrain to not look at porn, so basically turn off your computer and do something else for a while... After telling my wife, she was relieved I told her..She says part of her anxiety is wondering if I am doing it..And she wants to get better herself in the church etc(spiritually)and we want to get sealed in the temple... So getting this out in the open has helped out.. I only told my wife on Thursday just after 6pm and I went to see the Bishop at after 8pm that night... I am feeling better for it.. I still have a long ways to go to be cured.. It will take time....

Talking to someone helps alot....... I thought I was alone and would get booted out of the houssr, but it turns out I have family who are supporting me, I hope you have support, that is another key, friends and family that are there for you to help..If you need a friend for support, I will be there for you...

Don't be a stranger...I am here for support and help myself.......

hey ....

I've been reading alot of the posts today ... and i just read yours ... glad that tomsawyer1977 wrote back ...because his was one of the ones i was most inspired by and felt as though i had a similiar situation in a way......you should check out his post.....anyway.... where to start .... today is a new day..... and we are in this together .... you are not alone .....I am on this site posting along with a handful if not more of others struggling with this same issue .... I think that i've always considered myself a positive upbeat person .... trying to be a do gooder and this and that ...but here i am finding myself with this addiction ... did i ever see myself getting this way ? NO ... never would have thought....but i decided to check out porn one day ...and here i am three years later addicted ....it's a real bummer. this is not how i want to see myself ..... i don't want this to continue on and for the sake of being a good example in my own life i know i need to stop. I would venture to assume you don't want to see yourself this way either and so we have that in common and we can work towards the people we really want to be. ...... how to get there ? ... not exactly sure ...but I think joining this forum is def a start.

ill be checking back in on the forum

keep it positive.

Bonnie