watched the worst things on the internet

I have watched the worst kinds of porn as the title says. Like, every kind. I ###$ up bad. I even made fakes of people I know. I feel immense guilt and shame and I should. I know this will always be a part of my past (I'm done now), but ###$ that hurts. I feel like I don't deserve happiness or a love. Help me, please. I'm not even afraid of going back. I AM done. Never again. Watching the worst material was something I had done for months, heck, close to a year even. Please. Help. Me. Get. Over. My. Mistakes. Do I deserve to forgive myself?

You have to forgive yourself, if you want to be that better person. That is to say, you have to come to an understanding with yourself that you will be that better person that doesn't go back to whatever it is you watched, and part of being that better person is not constantly beating yourself up for what you can't change. Which isn't the same thing as not taking responsibility for one's actions, but after a point, remorse and self-flagellation become counterproductive, I think. Just my opinion.