Internet addiction interefering with livelihood.

Hi all,

My significant Other is semi-retired, but his pension is nothing, so he still has to work. He can work, but he sits around surfing the internet all day! I've told him a number of times, that if he is not going to work on getting more freelance business, then he *is* choosing to retire, and he needs to really retire (as in, go on social security, even though he has not reached full retirement age).

It doesn't matter what I say or do, he just puts his head right back into surfing the internet.
He doesn't do porn, or gamble online, or anything like, it's just intellectual. But he's
not facing things.

I help him with his business, but I can't do it all. If somebody calls him to give him work, then
he gets it done just fine, but he has no gumption to get the business himself.

How can I get him to actually take this seriously????

One idea that comes to mind is: stop enabling him -- stop helping with his business. I don't know how your -- as in yours, not yours and your SO's -- finances would take that, but possibly separate them. When he asks "what's for dinner" respond "all you cooked today". A relationship where one half does everything and the other browses internet is obviously skewed -- give it a push the other way.

Big hugs -- I hope he sees the light (and not the one from the screen).

Thank you . I guess I need ideas on how to stop enabling him.
It's really hard, because it would be hard for me to just bail, since
I haven't worked at my own job for a while.

The first thing I'm doing, is to put together our monthly household
budget (done), and then show him how his monthly income is not
coming close to it.

He does need my help, he had a stroke 2 years ago, and does not do
detailed stuff like accounting very well. That is why he lost his good
paying government job. He's still the best there is at his main
skill, but he's sitting around surfing the internet.

I just don't understand why people would let it get that bad, that
will put their own survival at risk?

Addiction is an illness. Internet addiction is perhaps the hardest to beat because it literally doesn't require you to do anything. You just sit there and it's satisfied. And an addict's mind is not like a healthy person's mind. A healthy person thinks like this:

idea -> consideration -> work -> goal achieved -> satisfaction

Addict thinks like this:

idea -> skips boring bit -> satisfaction

And after a while the idea bit starts going down to "need more satisfaction" and the loop becomes very small -- hence your SO spending all time in front of the computer.

There may be other factors. The stroke might have affected him. He might be afraid of getting away from the safety Internet provides. Shame -- "why can't I be like I was before". I don't know enough. All my responses are based on the idea he is indeed an addict -- but perhaps he's suffering from depression? Sorry I can't be more helpful...

Well he does have mild depression - always has. He used to find it sufficient to
take St. John's Wort, but now he can't because of his blood pressure meds.

He's also always had this internet addiction,since the internet became a thing.
It used to be under better control because he had to get up and go to work every
morning. Now he just sits around and waits to be called.

I hate to ask him to start taking more meds, because the meds he has now are already
causing him to have serious side effects, which is making things very hard for the both of us.