I think my husband might have IED

Hi,

I came across this term last night and they seem to fit my husband. I thought in the past he was bipolar but he doesn't seem to fit that.

We will be having a nice normal conversation and out of the blue, he will explode. He raises his voice as loud as he can, he will get into name calling and he will rant for at least 10 minutes. It doesn't matter how calm I am, how quiet I am and forget trying to say, let's not fight, let's have a nice day. He will just take something I have said or done ( without me being aware I've done anything to upset him) and blow up.

It's always over something so insignificant. And each time, he gets angry, he is incapable of just being a little irrated or containing it to a minor disagreement. He needs to run with it and turn it into a full blown rage, hence the name calling etc, making it as worse as possible.

Episodes in a supermarket are usually, I have said I only need to get two mentioned items and I'm now looking at the cheese section. He drops the basket, storms out of the supermarket.

In a shopping centre, we are having a good time and I happen to say let's go into here and he will explode about he has had enough shopping and he will storm off and I won't know where to find him.

The other place is in the car, on the way to meet someone ( doesn't care if he makes me cry and in a state before we arrive) or on the way home from a really enjoyable day. The fact that his rant has ruined such a good day out, means nothing. It's got to be a full blown argugement.
I haven't been negative to him, I haven't said anything nasty. Usually it's I have misheard or misunderstood something he has said and he has had to repeat it. And it's very common that he will have an outburst on an outing.

Yesterday, in the car to meet up with a friend. He was stopping off at the cake shop. I asked where we going to get the friend a cake. He said we will get to park, phone her and than eat cake. So I asked, so we are eating before we see her? Well he started screaming at me, that I'm a moron and can't listen properly. He had four episodes yesterday , one at home, over him wanting to test a USB speaker. He asked me to go to music on my iPad. So I'm going to the music page and he said are you there yet? I said there now. He said why didn't you tell me you were instead of staying quiet like a rude asshole.

And I'm getting fed up.

He also has no problem having a go at me in front of only one close friends. Yet everyone else sees only his nice, calm side. And his mother and other people can say far worse or do far worse but only I'm on the receiving end of these outbursts.

Oh and the other weird thing, is after his rant is over, his mood switches back to normal and nice, as if it never happened. I then have to try and switch my unhappy mood to happy, so not to start another fight. If I later challenge him on the name calling. He will claim he doesn't remember saying it.

I'm trying to get myself into a positive mindset and I have to deal with his childish temper tantrums and walk on egg shells. Other than the sudden mood swing, he is actually loving and nice. He has never hit me or threatened violence and has a heart of gold. And is very protective and loving to our pets.

His mother controls all the men in her life with her the threat of her bad temper. My husband can be controlling and I wonder if he is copying her. Also he believes she has BPD. His dad is very cold and distant.

When we plan to go out somewhere. In the past, the night before he would stay up very late, even drink a bit, so he would be too tired to go, or he would wake up and say he wasn't feeling well. I have got him to look forward to going out now, however, getting him out of the house before noon is a miracle and then half the day has gone.

Do you think this sounds like IDE?

We can't diagnose here, but his behavior is abusive and inappropriate. He needs to see a psychiatrist ASAP. I personally would sever the relationship if he refused to seek treatment.

I don't see a heart of gold. Screaming at you, calling you a moron, gaslighting you...no. You're being abused severely. Emotional abuse is just as serious as physical abuse. Some think emotional abuse is more harmful. You have my empathy.

A psychiatrist needs to rule out physical problems, too. They usually start there and proceed to a full psychological exam if there is no physical cause.

If he seeks treatment, be supportive and involved. My psychiatrist likes when my partner accompanies me to appts.

I think you would benefit by having individual therapy for YOU. You need support. Take care of you and I hope things improve and he gets a proper diagnosis and treatment plan. I'd look into getting a therapist for yourself ASAP.

I have bipolar disorder 1, which is considered the most severe form of bipolar disorder. What you describe doesn't fit at all with bipolar disorder, but I am not a doctor. We can have rage, but it's episodic. He's all over the place too quickly for bipolar disorder, IMO. I have never exhibited the behaviors you describe, even during severe bipolar episodes.

I am not a doctor. My amature quess such as it is, is that your instincts are correct. The symptoms that your husband exhibits suggest a real possibility of Intermittant Explosive Disorder. He needs to get help as soon as possible if not sooner. Is he a combat vet? There must be something in his childhood or background that is he is angry about. My concern is first for your welfare. You should not tolerate this abuse. This abuse can escalate over time. He needs medical help. When he gets it, the situation may turn around. But he has to recognize that he has a problem. God bless, Shalom.

I feel for you i am living this. In my case I have been advised to get out or get him out. Im looking for answers myself so i dont have the best advice. But i relate and know how this feels.