Living with IED

After reading everyone's posts, everything sounds so familiar it is scary. I believe that my fiancee might have this disorder. And like it has been said before, not only am I scared for myself, but I am scared for the family that I so want to start with him. Here is my question though. When either your IED's have "outbursts" do they always remember them? There are times when my fiancee will have one of his "oubursts" and doesn't remember anything? Is this normal?

I stumbled upon this site by accident, and i'm glad that I did. My daughter was diagnosed recently with this disorder and since I never heard of it I figured I start researching it. After dealing with my husband for the past 20 yrs with outbursts and now my daugther I am relieved others have similiar stories and relieved there is treatment. Now that my daughter is diagnosed I am hoping my husband seeks help for his outbursts. After dealing with him for over 20yrs, having major problems within the marriage he has finally recognized his behavior as possible IED since our daughter was diagnosed....I was on the verge of separation due to my daughter's husbands outbursts as I couldnt handle it anymore and really didnt know what the problem was. I thought it was a monkey see monkey do type thing and wanted my husband to take control of his daughter as It was out of my hands. I am grateful my daughter made it thru high school with no major problems, actually she is very intelligent and was accepted into two colleges which she dropped out of due to poor choices.......Her outbursts didnt become major till recently, age of 23. Simple thing as making coffee in the morning, the noise would set her off. Her choices in music, type of people she associates with is something i'll never understand. She lost a lot of good friends and chooses to associate with people who she calls misfits. All I see is a lot of hatred coming from a lot of these people, the music is all about hate. My daughter went from playing violin to listening to hard core/satin like music.....We are at the beginning of treatment, Abilify 15 mgs is what she was given, and we're hoping this is the beginning of a positive change....

Dear concerned mother -- I'm a reporter at The Boston Globe, and am working on a story about IED -- that it's more common than had been realized, and that work on the causes and the best treatments is under way. If you would be willing to be interviewed, could you contact me at goldberg@globe.com or 617-929-3077? You don't need to give me your name unless you want to -- I just think your experiences illustrate so perfectly the pain that IED causes....Thank you and all my best -- Carey Goldberg (Health/Science reporter, The Boston Globe)

IED has me on my knees again.

My name is Cliff and I have IED!

My right hand is so mangled from punching people, walls etc, my fingers arn't the right length. I've lost count how many times I've had a cast on my right hand.

7 years working on intermittent explosive disorder. Ive gone from dozens of triggers a day, to one or two major meltdowns a year. I take paxil(generic) 40mg a day, now bumpedup to 60mg, neueronton 3, 300mg a day now, used to be PRN after I raised clenched fist or had thoughts of killing people.

Final med. is now seroquel, to knock my ass out, so I am not a treat to myself or others.

I had the WORST IED outburst of my life recently. Now one or two outbursts a year, just doesn't seem like few enough. I let warning signs go by and didn't take then as serious as I should have.

I have come to beleive that IED is incureable, so all we are left with is treatment.

First off what the IED person has is like an iceburg 90% is unseen. The 10%, the outburst of violence, is NOT the problem, it is the symptom. It may seem so by bleeding loved ones and the law, but it is not.

To truely understand and IED person's outburst, you must get into the head of the IED person.

Here it goes, this is a list that if I experience any of these it is what I call a first level breakthrough, and I, try to remove myself from the situation or have the person offending leave. The medication I then take is 2 300mg neurontons, 4 is I know I can sleep in that environment and I don't have to drive.

Draw an analogy to a slot machine, it takes 3 events('BAR') to win, in this case 3 "BAD'S" means a blowup. One BAD I use caution, two BAD's and I have to radically change my environment and medicate, three BAD's well we all know what happens then. I also have a pre-disposed attitude that women are worthless, especiallly in business and behind the wheel.

1a)Hyperatcive startle response, a loud noise makes me jump, then react with eye's of flame. OUTER PEOPLES DRIVING, WTF do people have to brake at the last possible second, making me believe we are going to crash. THIS IS HUGE FOR ME.

1b)Humiliation after being startled

2)A re-sentment. This get's to the 90% of the iceburg that no-one sees. Just so we are all on the same page with re-sentments. Latin it means re-feel. So when I am replaying in my mind something that happened or is purely fabricated, a response, or a pre-disposition to a persons worthlessness, so I then in my mind beat the living $#%^ out of the person.

3)low blood sugar, either long period between meals or just after a large meal.

4)Trapped by someone's thinking. This is somewhat subjective, but sales clerks, tellers, airlines, some type of transaction where I'm not getting the service I feel I should.


Once I pass the point of no return there is NOTHING anyone can do or say. My advice to spouces and girlfriends, RUN! Get out, invoke the 24hr rule, talk in 24 hours. DO NOT attempt any communication.

My threashold for another outburst is lowered so another blowup is just inches away, SAY NOTHING other in we'll takl in 24.

I hallucinate with what looks like little sqiggly sliver lines, and I often can't remember what happened, anger blackout.

I hope someone reads this and can relate, I want to hear from you. I am having trouble finding medical professionals that really know about IED.

cliff

Hello All,
I came across this forum because of a newpaper article that I read this morning on an IED study. Although not clinicly teasted for IED I know that I have this very serious illness. I have had IED all my life, I am now 37 years old. I have been married to a "saint" of a wife for 14 years, I saw this because she has stuck by me all this time...I have been seeing professionals for 4 years now about many issues that I thought I had...when it all boils down to IED. I am very successful in my career and have only had outbursts a few times in the workplace. 99.9% of all my outbursts occur at home...over stupid little things that would not annoy a "normal" non IED person. I have read many great books over the last few months on anger...which have helped me see my issues. I have gone several streches without anger but I always fall back to anger as the only true emotion.

ENOUGH is ENOUGH I don't want to have IED anymore! I will beat it and control my outbursts. I have found that when I use a series of relaxation techniques, such as Tai Chi my body and mind are more centered and the problems of the day do not seem so hard to deal with.

I look forward to questions and comments as I join this forum to try to better myself and beat IED! I suggest that any one who suffers from IED or has a partner or spouse who suffers to get professional help immediately...

The first step is to admit there is a problem.

I would not advise anyone to have children under this situation. I relate perfectly to each of your posts. I have been with my husband for 20 years, and it wasn't so bad when I could just walk away, let him have his fit, and get over it. When I had children, I no longer had that ability to just "walk away". Which in turn prolongs the situation and makes it worse, but children SHOULD NEVER have to witness that. I am not comfortable leaving them alone at home with him because I never know when or what will set him off. When it became the most eye opening to me is when I noticed that my kids are becoming desensitized to it. They now make excuses for him and "rate" his behavior whether or not it's a "call mom" situation. After 20 years, I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to live a life of walking on eggshells. I don't want my kids thinking its ok to live your life this way. I don't want my husband thinking that he has an "excuse" to behave this way. He has just found out about this condition and plans to go to the doctor, but what happens when he decides he doesn't need to take his medicine anymore? What happens when his body develops a tolerance to the drugs? It's not a good way to live your life or raise your children...

edited by Admin STR, pm me if anyone has any questions

Frustrated57 - I share your pain. Been married 24 years and have had it. Walking on egg shells has been my path and I don't want to walk there any longer. My husband has tried so long to control it, and does better sometimes but then something sets him off and he screams the most vile language I've ever heard along with hitting or smashing something. The neighbors hear him, we have something else that needs to be fixed and it takes me about 5 days to get over it because it is over something that shouldn't cause that reaction and I'm taken by surprise each time. As much as I try to prepare for it - I can't.

When the kids were little I never left them with him so I never ever got a break, believe me there's a lifetime of resentment on my part. He never hit them or me, but his reaction scares them and me. We all used to run to our rooms and now we just walk away.

I consider him to be having a temper tantrum but it seems to be an illness. The only reason I've stayed is because I'm not perfect and the dust will settle, things will get better - until the next time it happens. Then the cycle starts over again. I just don't want to deal with it any longer and he says that he gets angry, gets over it, why can't I?

The part that is probably the most upsetting? He seems to do it just for our benefit,it's when he lets it all out. To all others, he's Mr. Perfect, the fun guy who makes people laugh. I call it the Johnny Carson syndrome - very popular and affable, but at home he's another person.

I was diagnosed with IED about a month ago, the symptoms became an apparent problem a few months ago, but they were episodes of intense, unprovoked guilt that slowly transformed into unbridled lapses of rage. My shrink put me on Depakote as a mood stabilizer, but they only seem to keep me from acting on my rage, letting it sit inside and fester and rot. I almost want to say it's worse for me, even though it's better for everyone around me. I just barely have enough control to stop myself from attacking the people I know, and it feels like a matter of time before I go nuclear and things get really ugly.

I live with a woman that occasionally destroys things. I've also been spit on, punched, slapped and of course verbally attacked. How do I tell if this is IED (great acronym, by the way) or something else without an official diagnosis?