What should I do?

I find it really hard to fall asleep and when I do, I wake up every few minutes and feel really tired when I 'wake up'. I'm always really tired during daytime because of this. The bad things is that my alarm is at 5 in the morning, because I have to go to school and I can't sleep before that. I want to sleep but it's like something is keeping me awake.. I don't know if this is because of the fact that I can't sleep, but I always feel really cold, distant and I don't want to interact with people. I can't really remember the last time I was happy, but I don't think I'm depressed because I'm not really sad too. I don't feel sad. I'm more .. neutral. Another weird thing is that I sometimes just start to cry, for no reason. I also have suicidal thoughts sometime but, doesn't everyone? I have lost my appetite but not recently, I haven't lost weight because of it, so I guess its okay. I'm sorry for my bad english. Maybe this is nothing to worry about, but I thought I'd ask anyway. I don't have any friends to talk about these things and I can't really talk with my parents. So, is this normal or ..? What should I do?

j159,
I am very sorry to hear of your trouble sleeping. It sounds severe, and I have suffered severe insomnia. The thing that troubles me the most is suicidal thoughts. No, everyone does not have those types of thoughts. Suicidal thoughts need attention immediately.

Other issues such as crying for no reason can be the result of severe sleep deprivation. However, the sleep deprivation can be caused by depression which would explain the existence of the insomnia. Depression can cause insomnia. On the other hand, insomnia can cause depression. At this point, you need treatment for both.

Depression is not really about feeling sad, but depressed people can be sad. Depression is often expressed as a lack of energy and/or a lack of enjoyment. A classic example is not wanting to eat because it is too much trouble. Eating is pleasant, but not for a depressed person. Then there is the 'too much trouble' part. A depressed person has no energy to perform basic activities.

Being depressed is not your fault, and in no way does it indicate a weakness on your part. It is an illness much like getting pneumonia. It needs professional treatment. You should see a psychiatrist (not a psychologist) immediately -today! Suicidal thoughts is a very serious symptom, and it won't wait a moment more. Please get some professional assistance right away.

no kidding....
GaryM

GaryM wrote:no kidding....
GaryM

I know I'm replying a little late, but I just really felt I should tell you to listen to what GaryM says. Because your story is so much like mine. How it started anyway.
I am depressed (very so) and it really does not mean I'm sad (well... sometimes) it does mean that I am, exactly as you describe, neutral. Which is not a good state to be in. Not all the time.

Weightloss only occurs after quite some time, especially when you don't have the energy to go out and do things. It took me about 3months before I started to lose weight, but when I did, it quickly became a problem (or so my therapists believe)

So really, GET SOME HELP. It is nothing to be ashamed of, trust me, every proffesional has seen this and proabably worse. And you won't be able to get a good nights sleep until you feel better.

So please, seek proffesional help, parents and friends aren't really in the position to help you here anyway. They can support you, but you have to make the decision to support yourself.

Just needed to say that,
Nerissi

Nerissi,
Thank you for thr kind reply for j159. This forum is about bringing our own experiences and relating our stories to help others. My words will not have the same impact as yours since I have not personally experienced depression, but I have friends and family who have suffered with it. It is not the same.

Your well expressed empathy and first hand knowledge may have helped. We do not always get feedback, but I want you to know I think you have made a wonderful contribution to this forum.

GaryM

Ditto what the other posters have said. It does sound like depression to me too and yes, you should get help quick. There is an upside to it if you do in fact have depression, which is two-fold:

1. there is a lot of good therapy and medication out there to treat or even possibly eliminate depression
2. if that is what is wrong you may have a cure for the insomnia.

I don`t have depression but I have chronic insomnia. I`ve spent a long time coming to terms with it and I am kind of at peace with it now.