Sleep? What's that?

I never sleep. I'll go three days without sleeping unless I have my anxiety meds prescribed. I'm messed up. I'm a night owl/angry fn person.... why? Because I'm jealous of the 99% of the population that ACTUALLY sleeps. And REM, I go through it with eyes wide open, then come to it and am like, "wtf?". I can't be on most meds cuz I've been date/gang raped twice and fear falling into a trance. Waking up, IF I sleep, is terrifying because I was held captive and sold with sex by a monster and I get scared he's gonna kill me and it re traumatizes me every morning while I'm scared to death of any footsteps or knocks on my door. I become OCD with locks and the sticks. I wake up wide awake. No coffee needed with me because I usually go into a panic state upon awakening. Trouble going to bed... trouble waking up.
That's me for ya... ONE of my issues from ptsd

Wow your post was truly intriguing, and yet I have compassion and empathy for you. I have personally experienced alot of trama myself that doesn't allow me to sleep well during the night hours. Your so brave for being open about what makes it difficult to be awake or asleep for you. My insomnia issues to have a ripple effect in every aspect of daily life. I have been prescribed meds had tons of therapy hours and appointments but nothing truly helps. So lately I've just suffered through the insomnia only to get a few hours in a weeks time. I've stopped taking the meds because I am challenging myself to face fear of being vulnerable during sleep. I was abused and tortured for years growing up every night. So if I sleep its always during the day never in bed and always alone behind at least two doors. I prefer the closet which I've turned into like a safe room. No windows one door no knob on the outside.