Sleep used to be ok, but now it's a disaster.

Hello. I've had insomnia for as long as I can remember. I do okay at dealing with it, except lately has been bad.

I usually don't sleep without sleeping pills, and even then the pills don't have a very strong effect. Right now it's 5:30am and I took a pill 30 mins ago. So, frequently I'm getting from 0-2 hours of sleep, which is outrageous even for me.

I have theories on why. I recently had a loss that has given me the worst mental pain in my life. It's going to be lingering for a long time. I'm told by my therapist that I'm going through the stages of mourning over it. Maybe you can lose sleep with that. But why shouldn't I be okay with sleeping? There's nothing to lose.

And just a number of things are going to hell in ways I couldn't have imagined. I felt secure in this world, and now I'm feeling quite vulnerable most of the time.

Anyway, just, where am I losing sleep? I lie down without pouring over these things. Maybe I just have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes things hard? I don't know.

I have to show up to an event tomorrow, and I might have 2 hours of sleep. This is getting to be unsustainable. I'll try meditating, though I hate it. It's really awkward to "lose" your thoughts.

Thanks for any comments!

hi , how are you now ?

first of all sorry for your loss.
i can relate to you , i have problems with sleeping before 4 or 5 am at times . i dont want the other day to start, because the next day is another day where i have to deal with my anxiety, depression , people , etc . it just makes me nervous . i also worry about things that already happened and i cant change anymore ... i am going to take meds now , i only tried natural meds so far. which dont work for me anymore .

meditating and being in therapy are ofc really good things that could help or maybe already helped you ?