For folks who have had insomnia forever -- what causes it?

Hey!

I'm new to this forum, but I've had insomnia forever. Honestly, it just feels like everybody else has magically been able to sleep well from birth, and I just don't have that magic. It takes me, at my best, maybe an hour to fall asleep each night, but usually, it's more like three. And sometimes I just don't sleep for a couple days. No anxiety or anything, just no sleep. This has got to be typical, right? For people posting here, I mean?

Anyway, I stumbled onto the schizophrenia forum (I don't have schizophrenia) and noticed that they were posting some really interesting existential theories as to their condition, ranging from enhanced conscious awareness of reality to demonic possession. It seems like, whenever people talk about disorders, we treat them like problems to be fixed, without considering their source or what that means for our understanding of reality. After all, disorders are essentially issues with consciousness, right? People who experience consciousness/perceive reality differently? Maybe?

I'm wondering, all you chronic insomniacs out there (not sure if it would apply for temporary insomniacs, but maybe it could too), if we can take a step back from viewing insomnia as a brain problem to be fixed for a moment, and start to consider what else it could mean. Sleep is such a mystery. It's about consciousness switching focus completely somehow. What does it mean, if a person cannot willingly bring that switch about? What does that say about consciousness? About reality?

I don't have a theory here --- I just have questions. I've never been able to discuss this with anyone.

How do you feel when you can't sleep? Is it possible that you simply need very little sleep? I read about people who genuinely don't need to have that 8 hour sleep per night rest. Maybe you're one of them? Or do you feel extra tired in the morning?

I'm bipolar, and for me nowadays sleep is crucial. If I don't get my 8 hours, I am not just exhausted, but after a few days start going literally crazy. My sleep cycle, though, seems to be different from what society sees as "normal" -- ideally I'd sleep from 2am to 10am. Since that's hardly possible, I go to bed around midnight, sometimes after an hour have to get up to take a sleeping pill and try to force myself out of bed between 8 and 9am.

In my experience, sleep is all about letting go. I was an insomniac for 20 years. I want to doctor after doctor, tried different medications, hypnosis, acupuncture, over the counter herbal remedies, melatonin, SAD light therapy, you name it. Nothing worked.My insomnia was triggered when I had my baby and she had medical problems. She would throw up in her crib and I was always afraid she was going to choke, so I started being always hyper alert.

At one point I decided I had to get off all the medications, so I tapered down on them little by little. I found a sleep therapist who helped me with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). That started me on the road to wellness.

Then I found that if I let go of all of my anxiety around sleep (and I had A LOT of anxiety around sleep, accumulated over 20 years), that my sleep came naturally. We all have the ability to sleep inside of us, we just have to get to the place of knowing that we can sleep. We have to get to the place where it truly doesn't matter whether we sleep tonight or not, we're fine with it either way. Because that means we're truly not worrying about it, we're not focused on it one way or the other. Then sleep comes naturally. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but trust me, it works. Sleep is all about letting go.

For me after talking to a physiatrist (which took a lot of effort from my wife to even get me to go) I would have a difficult time with sleep as far as mortality is concerned. Apparently I have accepted that sleep is the cousin of death and as such, going to sleep is somehow ‘dangerous’. This is what caused my insomnia, I was actively fighting to stay awake.

My insomnia was triggered by a depressive breakdown. Before then I couldn've slept in a war zone, 8 hours straight through. Then my depression spiraled out of control and I just stopped sleeping. I actually went weeks without sleep. And although I did recover from the depression I was stuck with the insomnia. That was about 9/10 years ago. Now I take medication, but even then when the depression has dragged me down, I can get only minimal sleep.

Insomnia is usually caused by anxiety or stress. Some people have ptsd from tragic events that happened- or are currently happening- at night, such as abuse, and the nighttime causes the insomnia. I've read some places that if you do activities, like exercise or even just watching TV in bed, causes insomnia too, because your brain relates your bed or room to activities like exercise or TV instead of sleep. It could be a lot of things, really.

My parents got officially told I had insomnia or some sort of sleep disorder when I was four ( but we're told just to let me group up etc and it'll go away) however my mum says I never had the same sleeping patterns as any other baby she knew. 16 years later I still have insomnia, it's been called a whole range of things by doctor and psychiatrists their favourite word at the moment is idiopathic. Meaning they don't really have a clue. My parents only told me I had insomnia when I was ten I knew I slept differently but they didn't want me to think it was an illness as some people treat it to be or encourage it. I don't really know like the doctors what causes my insomnia.

I just think a lot and don't seem to need the sleep. About two years ago I started to go through a really tough phase of sleep anxiety and depression as I wouldn't get enough sleep and then I wouldn't allow My self to sleep (self harming through sleep deprivation) over the last six months or so I've curved that by changing when I sleep, sort of accepting it. I now sleep twice a day with an hour brake between he two sessions to ease me back into being okay with sleeping. I've never relied upon medication, My family have always been against taking medicine long term but have always promoted cognitive therapy . I'll take supplements around exams or if I'm in a rough patch but otherwise my family say it's not a illness, it's part of me and I have to learn to live with it and not let it isolate me. I'm really happy they've always taught me that. Sorry that was a bit long but oh well