Murder and cannibalism, this cannot be normal!

I get terrible urges to murder people, and also to cannibalise them, I finally got the courage to go to my doctors, he said urges to murder people are not psychosis! Surely this cannot be true, I asked him for anti-psychotics, and instead he said he wants to REDUCE my anti depressants down to zero, then give me a new one in a month.
I told him as clearly as I can about my feelings, and its taken me a long time to say it. I told him that I am not a violent person, I avoid people as much as I can, I have agoraphobia, and people scare me, every day I get terrible murderous urges where I want to murder people. I also get suicidal. I told him that I did NOT want to act on the feelings (obviously I do not want to go to prison) and that I hate feeling like this.

He said my feelings are not psychosis, and I just need different anti depressants. I am mortified by this, I have taken anti depressants since I was 17, and my feelings get worse. I worry if I might actually carry out these feelings, I would rather die than go to prison, I am in constant fear, I hate it.

Also when I get really hungry I immediately think of eating people. I know it sounds insane but I want to bite into flesh when I get hungry, even though it sounds horrible, Its a terrible urge, I dont know why I feel it. I didnt tell the doctor about the cannibal feeling because he didnt even seem to take the murder thing seriously.

If I am really hungry and someone puts their arm near me I bite it, I literally want to eat it. I live with my family and its just awful.

I have bipolar disorder, and I have a sex addicition which I am trying to control, and right now I am taking paxil and reducing it to zero on the doctors orders.

Please, please give me some advice, I feel like a terrible monster, plus I am trapped inside my own home in fear 24/7 like a prison of my own making.

I'm sorry that you have these feelings. I've got to be honest ive no idea if it psychosis. Maybe you can ask for a second opinion? Maybe its your mood stabliser as you mentioned you are bi-polar. What do you take for this?

All I have been given is paxil, and now my doc is reducing that, and then in a month i am to start a new anti-depressants.
I dont think this is related to my bipolar because I feel like this every day, not just if i am depressed or manic.

I'm not a professional, so anything I say is just my opinion! I don't know any labels for what you're going through. It must be very hard to deal with. It seems odd to me that your doctor would take you off meds, and that's it. It sounds liek you need more help. Could you maybe go back again, and explain in detail what's going on for you? I know it will be hard, but maybe your doctor would take you more seriously if they know more? Or maybe even ask to see a different doctor? Seems odd your only on anti-depressants when you're Bipolar. Maybe there's also some other disorder going on to cause these thoughts? It definitely sounds like there needs to be an assesment on your mental health. Sorry I can't be more help, but just wanted you to know I read.

Your doctor seems correct that you are not psychotic. If you were, you'd probably think that there was nothing wrong with cannibalization or murder, or have some kind of delusion to accompany it.

The fact that you have these thoughts, and you don't want to act on them, and they are present even in between mania and depression is reminiscent of OCD. I am not a professional, so I can't diagnose you, but what you're experiencing is called intrusive thoughts, which are most heavily symptoms of OCD, but can also occur with mood disorders.

The reason he is taking you off the SSRI seems to be that the one you're taking is not working (it's making it worse, as you say). It could end up being more worthwhile trying another one, because typically, low serotonin is linked to suicidal, depressed, aggressive, and OCD thoughts (which SSRIs are meant to treat).

I am also surprised that you are diagnosed Bipolar but you are only taking an antidepressant. I am curious why your doctor has not said anything about taking an anti-psychotic, but just that he wants to reduce your current antidepressant before starting a new one. It may be helpful for you, but I guess I understand why he simply wants to try a new antidepressant first before leaping to anti-psychotics.

Just be wary about how you're feeling for the next couple months after this new medication, and if it doesn't really help, you should talk to him more about an anti-psychotic.

I feel like I do have OCD, but I doubt if I would be given a diagnosis for it, my doctor is wary to diagnose anything.
I don't think murder is wrong, I do think cannibalism is wrong unless someone is starving, but I don't want to go to prison for murder, if there was some way that I could be invisible and avoid detection I would murder a LOT of people. But I really don't want to go to prison. A lot of my neighbours are really evil and deserve to be murdered.

I think there is a difference between wanting to kill because someone annoys you, and killing because you feel you are meant to do it for a specific reason. I don't think its psychotic but it could be related to your bi-polar, but again I'm no expert. My only advice is to print this off, hand it to your doctor, once your tried your new meds and feel like your not getting better I would then ask for another opinion.

What do you think it is as it sounds like you think you may know what it is?

I feel like its 'madness' like I am going mad. If someone else said it I would think oh my god they have gone mad. When I get the feeling I feel like I going mad, totally losing mental control, and I feel like theres a strong chance I could lose control and really kill people.

As soon as I kill 1 person its all over, my life is over, because I dont want to go to prison and I will have to kill myself. Its so mentally tiring to go through this mental battle every single day, often I just feel like I need to kill myself to get it over with, who would want to live every day feeling like this????

I think your doctor might be right - I got strange and bad urges like this (not quite the same but similar and very horrible) WHEN I was on anti-depressants. I was afraid I might actually carry them out. When I stopped those particular anti-depressants and changed to different ones, the weird urges stopped too. It was the pills, not me. Hope you feel better soon.

epiphani wrote:I think your doctor might be right - I got strange and bad urges like this (not quite the same but similar and very horrible) WHEN I was on anti-depressants. I was afraid I might actually carry them out. When I stopped those particular anti-depressants and changed to different ones, the weird urges stopped too. It was the pills, not me. Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks, I hope that is true because I cant stand feeling like this. I tell my husband I am going to murder him and stuff like that, its really not nice