onychotillomania, dermatillomania, and trichotillomania

I have all three, and truth being told, I enjoy it while I'm picking my skin, or pulling my hair, or even ripping off a toenail. I find razors and I cut off little moles or skin tags. I dug a wart out or my hand once. I loved it. But I don't love it afterward. It hurts when I walk because I tear off my toenails, if not all the way, at least down the sides on most of them. I rip the pinky toenails right off. Then I eat the soft tissue that once connected it to my foot. I bleed a lot from this, and often get blood on the carpet. I tear out clump of my head hair, and have bald spots. I pull from my pubic area, and sometimes space out because of it, and take a long time to get back to work during the day. People have noticed at various jobs I've had throughout the years. I have been asked if I'm doing drugs in the bathroom. It disrupts my life. It makes me weird. As if I weren't already. I pick my skin. In most instances, I pick my face. It's an absent minded thing sometimes really. Just a scratching that somehow turns into something more. I often enough will pick at my chest. Not that anyone cares, but I would say that I have breasts with a beautiful shape and size. I am afraid to show it with shirts or dresses with plunging necklines because my picking has made them ugly, and scarred. I hate these things I do, and yet they are comforting to me. I feel like I have to do it.

It would be an understatement to say that I am weird. I find myself thinking that I am stupid (almost like I have mental retardation) all the time. I am fat. I am ugly. I have always had trouble making friends. I am afraid to talk to people because I was bullied in school for the entire time I went. I dropped out as a senior. I feel as if I am not worthy enough to be noticed by the people I view as intellectuals. I am always second guessing the things that I do. I work with people with developmental disabilities. I am a counselor. I love what I do...... But I often wonder if I am effective at all. I hate myself. Sometimes I binge (for a good few days) then I fast. Then I try to make myself throw up, but can't because I have short fingers. I am a mess. A big, giant, fat, ugly, f**ked up mess.

I just had to get it out. I am always comforting someone else. I am always dealing with someone else's meltdown. I tell my residents not to pick. I remind them. I prompt them. Hell, I even use rewards based incentive programs to teach them not to pick... But I know the truth. It wouldn't work for me. Why would it work for them? Because my company tells me it will. Who am I to tell them $#%^ about it? FML

I think I need help. There are other issues. I won't get into my life story, but I fear there may be something more really wrong with my head. Thoughts anyone?

That's quite a load. I'm sorry you are suffering with so much. Right now I am reading this book, Forever Marked by Angela Hartlin, and I find it insightful. It's not the greatest written book, but I identify with a lot of her problems. It goes through her treatment, so I'm curious to finish it and find out how she overcomes it.

Maybe you need to just take some time to yourself. I'm not sure who your "residents" are, but you need to take care of yourself before other people. If you don't take care of yourself, you might not even be ABLE to take care of anyone else at all.

I'm sorry I'm not more help, but I do know how you feel as I experience all these same things (except hair pulling, I guess I was spared). Please try to be kind to yourself because I'm sure you are not all the bad things you say.

Dear Mrs Monett,
I understand what you are going through (to some extent). I too suffer from Dermatillomania and Trichotillomania and, like you. (At the time of doing it) I admit i enjoy popping my pimples. Although, pulling oou my hair is not so enjoyable - just uncontrollable. I do not pull out big sections of hair - but i could spend hours locating and pulling out my bits of frizz. Like you - i will also be counselling someone else one day, as I am studying to be a Counsellor. I understand your need for help and it must be hard not practicing what you preach when you encounter a client mith Obessive Compulsive tendencies.

There is no cure. It just takes willpower... willpower that we dont have. I know it is hard ... once your realize your picking you have already been doing it for half an hour.... (or three hours)!!! but there are a few things that can really help control your detmatillomania. I found that covering up any mirrors in the house helps, wearing tights all the time (so your legs are not exposed) and also, if there is at any point where you come back into consciousness while picking (DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR) and close your eyes and count to 10. Most of the time, once you have opened your eyes you come back to your senses and walk away from the mirror.

I have to admit that trichotillomania and associated symptoms are hard hard hard to give up. Unlike all other symptoms of OCD, this one feels really good.

Here's my list of guilty pleasures:
1) hair tweezing on face and body
2) eyebrow pulling with fingers
3) zit squeezing on face and body
4) Skin peeling (this is especially satisfying after a good suntan)
5) Scab picking
6) cuticle pulling with a tweezer
7) Playing with my top lip

And here's my advice. No one is perfect, and you wouldn't imagine what might go on behind some people's closed doors. So don't feel guilty about it. Enjoy it, because it truly is the only part of our disease that brings us any pleasure.

I have always been afraid of getting an ingrown toenail so I have torn off and picked apart my toenails ever since I was little. I tear at my finger nails when I'm anxious and also pick at hang nails and what not.
I have also always pulled and I am very much balding which sucks since I am only 16 and female.

I'm going to sound really ignorant here but I do these things and I didnt see them as a "disorder". A habit maybe, but not a disorder. hmmm.

I dont pull hair from my head (unless they were grey, but I stopped doing that the more greys I got as I didnt want to pull all my hair out!).

I use tweezers to pull out unwanted hair elsewhere.

I pick at scabs, unless it's really big/bad and then i let them heal. I thought everyone did that :s

I squeeze spots (dont get them so much now Im older but got them really badly as a teen and in a lot of places - i do have some scars from it).

I have always bitten/picked at my fingernails.

Don't do it so much with toenails.

Never pulled my eyelashes out or plucked my eyebrows out so none remain. I dont like how it looks without eyebrows so wouldnt do that. I dont feel compelled to either.

I do feel compelled to squeeze spots or use tweezers to get hair from where I dont think it should be. Like if I get a hair or 2 between my belly button and my pubic area I will pull that sucker out.

I thought that was normal behaviour :s

My ex, he did the same, but he took it to an extreme (especially for a man I thought). He did not like hair anywhere on his body other than his head and his pubic area. He naturally didnt grow hair under his armpits, which was unusual I thought, but he hated hair on his legs and would constantly pull it out (he never shaved them or waxed them but I think he wanted to deep down but to him that would be gay (his words) so he would never agree to that. He would pick scabs that shouldve been left to heal no matter how big and he would rip toenails off or dig out corns etc himself.

I think speaking for myself that I just want to be as perfect as I can be (not that I am, but flawless skin was always an ambition of mine since a child). I have had moles removed because I found them so upsetting that I would hide them with clothes.

So for me some of it is due to me wanting to be flawless and perfect skinwise (although the resulting scars have not helped that quest!) and the biting fingernails is a habit (although could be an anxiety driven activity if I need to look for a deep routed cause).

But dont most people do these things? or at least 1 or 2 of them?

mrsmonett wrote:
It would be an understatement to say that I am weird. I find myself thinking that I am stupid (almost like I have mental retardation) all the time. I am fat. I am ugly. I have always had trouble making friends. I am afraid to talk to people because I was bullied in school for the entire time I went. I dropped out as a senior. I feel as if I am not worthy enough to be noticed by the people I view as intellectuals. I am always second guessing the things that I do. I work with people with developmental disabilities. I am a counselor. I love what I do...... But I often wonder if I am effective at all. I hate myself. Sometimes I binge (for a good few days) then I fast. Then I try to make myself throw up, but can't because I have short fingers. I am a mess. A big, giant, fat, ugly, f**ked up mess.

I think you're being a bit hard on yourself. There are literally millions out there with these disorders. I think that its important to accept this as part of you first, this is the first step to recovery.
But please, dont be so hard on yourself. It's not worth it, just makes it worse.