i can't take this anymore.

I'm so fed up. I just feel desperate, i'm out of control.
I have extremely supportive family and friends but i feel like I can't cope with this Hypochondria anymore.

IN MY HEAD i am riddled with cancer (bowel, breast, skin, non hodgekins lymphoma, mouth, cevical) and god only knows what else. No amount of reassurance from other people can convince me that i'm fit and healthy and absolutely fine.
I can't sleep and when i finally do i wake up at 4am, panicking and crying. I ache all over because i am constantly prodding and poking myself, checking for lumps and whatever else i can think of. I try and avoid the internet but if i succomb i absolutely freak out.
I am 30 years old and terrified of dying, i have GAD too which doesnt help...this cannot go on as i am ruining my life. people tell me i'm ok but then i just think "what if youre all wrong?"
this illness (which it IS) is suffocating me and when i've got a bee in my bonnet about something (which is all the time) it absolutely occupies all my waking thoughts, i can concentrate on nothing else - first thought in the morning and last one at night.
i'm so glad i found this forum as now i don't feel so alone....other people suffer in EXACTLY the same way which, in a weird kind of way, gives me hope that perhaps it IS all in my mind.
I'm seeing a hypnotherapist tommorrow evening....i am desperate, i really really hope she can help me. apparently she is going to do some cognitive behavioural therapy with me too so...fingers crossed. I'm also looking into seeing my doctor, i'm very interested in taking prozac as i've read that it can be quite helpful - i am SO tempted.......anything to lessen this fear which is all encompassing.
What do you guys think? could you give me any advice, words of encouragement as i feel very fragile and frightened at the moment - is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

best wishes to you all - many thanks in advance,

Ax

I've read your post, and also some of the posts here... reminds of myself a few months ago.

You'll get over it man, you have to realize that the internet (or whatever is the source of your thoughts) is full of rare diseases, which are also unlikley to happen in your age. And the more it is severe the more sources you'll find.

I am sure that Psychotherapy will help, I am not sure though that prozac is the right thing - I suggest that instead of panicking about types of cancer that are very rare (and thus ruin your day because you obviously have other stuff to worry about) read about the bad stuff prozac do to you, and understand that you have to pull yourself off this situation.

I know I try to do it, I am not taking any sedutives or a-depressants, and I am a lot better.

I had hysteria attacks, thought I had MS of course, tumors and other stuff...

MS is the number one for the hypochondriacs, but it won't be so for long...

this german scientist found anti-bodies that show if you'll develop MS given symptoms,

anyways,
I'll be happy to discuss your symptoms with you or with anyone, I am interested,

Koras.

You remind me of myself a few months ago. My main obsessions were Breast Cancer and Skin cancer. I was obsessively checking my breasts for hours on end. I would check and then have to recheck to see if I did it correctl. I took anitdepressants on their own but they do not work. However when I took the anti depressant and ZYPREXA I saw an immediate improvement

Hi,

My name is Rebecca, and I just read your forum....for the past few years I have been struggling with symptoms all over my body. At first I thought I had tongue cancer, and then lymph node cancer, and so on. Just recently I am scheduled to have a colonoscopy and endescopy, because I'm having severe stomach issues, chest pains, rumbling and roaring, and upper back pains......

It never seems to go away. Something ends and something new begins....I constantly am checking and looking for things wrong, and it's a very troublesome disease. Everyone I know is so sick of hearing me talk about it. My sister and I have actually been fighting about it. I feel like there is nowhere to turn, and luckily I found this place;)

I have been to the doctor over 10 times, if not more, this year. I have been wanting to switch doctors, because it even seems that my own doctor is getting fed up with me.

Today in my psychology class I learned about psychosomatic reaction, and while listening to the lecture I found myself relating to all in which the teacher was talking about. He explained how the mind is so powerful that it overrides our body, and I've been researching ever since I got home. For once I am actually looking up things to address this problem rather than looking up symtpoms and diseases.

It's amazing....and scary to even think that our mind is powerful that it can actually cause symtpoms within our body. There's not a whole lot of research on it either. My father passed away a few years ago and he had cancer that had spread throughout his entire body. Before his death I have always had an issue with hypochondria, but after his death it has gotten much, much worse.

This is not a way to live! It takes over everything else, and keeps you up all hours of the night.

Anyways, I really am happy that I read your post. I can most definitely relate to your experiences, and sometimes it just helps to know that your not alone. My overall goal right now it to get rid of this....I don't want to be troubled with it anymore. We can actually cause ourselves death over this, because sometimes we can actually get what were constantly fretting about.

My psychologist told me that as I work through my emotional troubles and road blocks this too "shall pass". I have been a codependent for many years, and stress has played a large role in many of my illnesses. Even though I could be wrong, I'm sure it's that way for majority of us.

TLC to ourselves should be priority, along with lots of excercise;) Easier said than done, but being aware is the first step. Hang in there, and take care of yourself. We can all work on this together!

I know exactly how you feel. I'm only 16, and my suffering began when i was about 14. I first thought i had testicular cancer, after just learning all about it in my health class. I checked myself constantly, and i did feel what i thought to be "lumps". I was horrified, and i didn't know what to do, telling my mother who i wasn't very communicative with wasn't really an option. I began looking at information on the internet, treatments for it, stories people had about it, and anything related, which only caused the pain to grow. It was affecting my daily life, and after about 2 months i had my mother take me to a doctor. After going to a urologist and all these exams done, they assured me it was nothing.. and after that the worrying stopped.

But then came something else, we learned about breast cancer in health class, and then skin cancer... I thought i felt more lumps, more symptoms, but i never told anyone because i right away picked up it was in my mind, but i still couldn't fix it, even knowing it wasn't real. I thought i was alone, i didn't even know what hypochondria was, i thought my mental illness was a one of a kind, and i was doomed to suffer.

After that came muscle spasms and half-second blackouts, and i saw a doctor about them because i actually saw the spasms, and i actually saw the blackouts... But the doctor had no idea what it was, he said it could be stress-related. This didn't help me at all, and still now i have some spasms..

It went on for 2 years, now i feel things that i don't even think exist, festering knots in my body that keep me up at night. But one day in English, i saw the vocabulary word "Hypochondriac: One who suffers from imaginary illnesses." and i felt inclined to do more research, and found myself here.

It really relieves me to know I'm not alone.

I think my boyfriend has this. Everyday and sometimes a couple different times a day there is something wrong with him and it's something different every time. It drives me nuts. I have been researching Hyperchondria and I don't know what to say to him or how to even bring it up....

Ax I know all to well how you are feeling. I am 35 and I have been living with the feeling of impending death since I was about 23. I remember shaving one morning and feeling a small lump on my neck. Shortly after that I was in a bookstore and started to look up the symptom of "lump on neck" for whatever reason I convinced myself it was Hodgkins disease. I thought about it from time to time and then when I was about 30 the idea of cancer and this disease started to consume me. I thought about it all the time. I looked on the internet and started really getting anxious. Then one day I was doing laundry in the laundry room in my old apt building and there was a fiction book laying there so I picked it up. The first page I opened to said that one of the characters died of.........Hodgkins disease. I was sick to my stomach and was and have been consumed by this ever since. I did however go and get a biopsy done on my neck, it turned out to be nothing. But I still cant help myself from feeling the way I do. I still think about it all the time, a thousand times a day. As sad as it sounds somtimes I just wish I would die and my sleep and get it over with. I cant explain my fears to anyone because they just wouldnt understand. I am a very rational person otherwise, but its just this thing I cant seem to negotiate in my mind. To all of you who have posted, I wish you nothing but the best-- its a horrible way to live--I know because I live it ----everyday. Well thats enough for now. Good luck to all of you.

adrix wrote:I'm seeing a hypnotherapist tommorrow evening....i am desperate, i really really hope she can help me. apparently she is going to do some cognitive behavioural therapy with me too

I dont know the details but generally a hypnotherapist wouldnt be qualified to do CBT with you so maybe check that out? I would suggest trying CBT tho, but maybe get referred by a doctor?

I would suggest trying CBT tho, but maybe get referred by a doctor?

I'd really recommend the CBT, a friend at school is being treated for hypochondriasis and she's doing CBT, she says it's really helping. Good luck though luv!