Do Goals Make Us Unhappy?

I was reflecting on the concept of goals and I realised that it is our culture to constantly set goals. We set exercise goals, diet goals, relationship goals, work goals... Upon further reflection, I realised that most of the targets I set are based on arbitrary numbers.

We think: I feel I should make... hmm... how much more should I make in a year.. maybe an extra 2k per month? Yes. That's it! My goal is to make 2k a month more by end of next year

But is all of these goal settings coming in the way of our happiness? Is constant striving stopping us from feeling content? Are

You know, I had been thinking about the same thing last week. I came to the same conclusion. Whenever I have clear cut goals is when my anxiety/depressive symptoms become exaggerated, and I've noticed in other people that they speak about goals as though its required to not only have many, but to achieve as many as possible too.

Maybe it's just my mind looking for justification for wanting absolute freedom in a time that people have seem to given up on it and settled for partial freedom in exchange for society.

I have to slightly disagree with you. I say slightly because I do agree that unrealistic goals may actually be harming us more than helping. However, goal-less life can quickly put us in a dark place of hopelessness and life without purpose which in turn can slowly open the door for that nasty “is life even worth living?” question.

I believe that goals are necessary for our well being. I am not talking about some grand goals such as winning a Nobel prize or curing cancer, but rather some goals that are in tune with our mental, physical and emotional self. Or slightly above it. At times our goal will be nothing more than to shower in the morning and look presentable although we may feel miserable, other times it will be to get out of the house or to plan for something. But goals are what gives us hope, meaning, drive, what puts our life in perspective and forces us to look forward to something.

So to answer your question: I do not think that goals stand in the way of our happiness. On the contrary, I think that happiness cannot be achieved without goals. However, we need to wisely choose our goals, to live in tune with who we really are, to be gentle to ourselves when we feel that we need to slow down or when life becomes a little too much. A goal can be as simple as doing a small thing that would help us relive something beautiful; a goal can be anything that signals our brain that life is worth living. Do not feel ashamed or pressured if you do not have the same goals as other people. Find the ones that define you!

I would have to concur with Santorini completely. My most happy and productive periods in life have been when i have something to aim for and work towards. It gives me meaning and purpose. My most depressed periods have been when i have had nothing to strive towards, life just feels meaningless and i become preoccupied with dark thoughts. Likewise when i have been put in a position where i felt that i have been given goals and targets that are unattainable, there is nothing more demoralising than being given a goal that you cannot attain, it makes me feel worthless and a failure. So yes i think having attainable goals definitely makes me happier.

Thats if we cant reach them

That's a good point Toocreative. First of all goals can be very hard to find, at least life goals that inspire us to do things. Secondly, as you say achieving them can be another matter indeed and we don't always succeed. I do think though if we can find a goal in life it gives us some purpose, life seems pretty meaningless without it. They can be career goals or life goals. But yes i take your point, what we want to achieve and what we necessarily can achieve may not always match. Also our goals can change over time. What might have been important at one time may not be so important at another time. At some point career and money may be top of our list, then that may change and personal relationships may become more important to us. Money can give you a certain amount of satisfaction but friendship and love touch us more deeply than material gain ever can.

Goals could make us unhappy if we are not successful in achieving them, in a lighter part, we must not lose hope, as long as we are still alive, there are still many things we can do. It doesn't mean we failed, we are losers, but it means we are brave enough to face the challenge. We should at least lower our standards and our expectations.

The Ashtavakra Gita contains a reply to your question JustMing. It's a pretty short read,

http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Ebook ... a-Gita.pdf

Also spoken on YouTube,
http://youtu.be/HdqI4ju6PCw

To sum it up briefly: you're caught in a mind-game of your own creation that few awake from before death seems immanent; happiness is your true-self, but you choose to live in a projected world-situation due to having believed "you're not good enough -- try harder".

Goals on a daily basis are fine for me but long term goals are overwhelming and make me feel like a failure if I can't keep up. I have to work really hard at keeping a positive mindset when I cannot accomplish something. I have spent so much time berating myself because I didn't get something accomplished and feeling like a failure. It's something that I continually struggle with and yes, I blame society. We are told that we must always be busy, doing something that is constructive, devoting all of our time to our partners, children, home and work. There are so many women out there that feel like a failure if they so much as take time off for themselves yet most men don't have a problem at all with taking off for a golf game, napping on the couch or doing whatever their heart pleases whenever they can. I think that women are made to feel that way more so than men.

Anyway, the point is that yes, I feel that for me personally having too large of goals can make me very unhappy. I try to look at it within the realm of my reality and remember that I simply can't get everything done every day. Perhaps tomorrow or in a week but I can't always accomplish everything and some days, I accomplish nothing. It's an ongoing journey to be okay with that.

Goals can encourage us towards great achievements. If we have a goal then we are always trying to achieve that. It gives a meaning for our life. I know you are asking about what will happen if we are unable to achieve our goals. Yes, sometimes we might fail. That is the nature of life but we have to remember that will not happen again and again. Even if we have failed once in our life, we can learn lots of thing from that and try again with the corrections.