suicidal

Thanks.
Yes, my BPD is debilitating. So much so that the world is a baffling mystery to me. Basically, everyone seems to grasp that we humans are in control of the world, and the changes therein. I'm left shaking my head wondering "How? How can the people I see around me be responsibile for the world I see around me?"
No one else seems to have this incomprehension, so they connect to the world in a way I do not, can not, it feels like, and therefore are able to advance their lives, careers, etc, while I feel like I'm just along for the ride, lucky to keep holding on.
So debilitating that nothing seems really real, I can't seem to take ANYTHING seriously. Jobs, relationships, money, deadlines, bills, etc etc etc.
I need some kind of drug that makes you take life seriously, that makes you view the world the way everyone else does. Whether it;s an illusion or not, and sometimes I think it must be, if I viewed the world the way others do, I know I could have a chance at success. As it is, I'm not even sure I'll survive.
That's depressing for anyone, but especially someone like me who has been blessed with so much potential.
Anyway, maybe by sharing my story you can see there are others worse off. If I, someone good looking, smart, talented, ambitious, but who feels completely detached from reality, and therefore barely surviving instead of flourishing, can keep going, then so can you.
Also, what you said about a dog: I have a cat that's not mine but visits me daily. Sometimes that visit is all I have to look forward to. She accepts me and loves me for who I am. Doesn't care if I'm developmentally disabled and mentally ill.
I think people should act more like pets, sometimes. Always loving and non-judgmental.
After all, I have a lot going for me, am very kind and compassionate, and these problems are not my doing.
Must I be scorned on top of suffering with them?

I don't know what your religious or spiritual beliefs are, but I do believe what Jesus said in the Beatitudes in the Sermon on the Mount, which is reiterated throughout the whole Bible, which is that God has compassion on the oppressed, on the poor in spirit, on the contrite in heart, on the meek, and so on. Many people are born without any hope of ever having a "normal life," dying of starvation or being sold into slavery or any number of horrible things. I don't know if you will ever find the freedom you are looking for in this life. I hope you do. I will pray for you, and I hope you aren't offended by that (some people might be). At the very least, I know God has compassion for the afflicted and I have to believe that there's healing on the other side of this life.

By the way, I can kind of relate to the whole sense of confusion about other people making things of their lives. However, I think I am confused about how they seem to be content and find meaning in things which to me, have no meaning. How do they find someone with whom they want to spend the rest of their lives? How do they have friends? How do they have a family? There is no "normal," and everything is meaningless (as Solomon said in Ecclesiastes), except just trying to enjoy the brief time you have here while living for God.

Also, I don't think I've mentioned it yet, but I've come to the conclusion that success is not what we do with our lives in comparison with others, but what we do with what we've been given. We always have choices to make, which are going to be different from the choices with which others are presented, and if we decide to always choose what is better, that's all we can really hope for. For example, a lot of people would be better off if they realized that their choice was between dating/marrying the wrong person or staying single. Then they wonder why God cursed them with bad relationships, as if there was no other option. Anyway, maybe you'll never be rich and famous, but it doesn't matter in the long run anyway. Everyone dies and ends up the same. God isn't going to judge us by how much money we made or our level of completed education, but on how we invested what we were given.

I enjoyed the posts in this thread. I get depressed when experiencing feelings of emptiness and lack of purpose to my life. These feelings can cripple you and I end up spending large parts of my day laying around with aversion to doing anything due to constant emptiness and lack of purpose or meaning.

God doesnt really do $#%^ for me but I enjoy the concept of a higher reality because that is all I feel is really worth my time. Most of the mundane $#%^ people do I cant be bothered with and Id probably be homeless if my parents didnt let me do nothing all day in their house. Really I think my intelligence and comprehension is so beyond the grasp of this world that the only thing that can satisfy me is something greater than anything in the world. Day by day however, I get more and more nihilistic, which is obviously not a good sign for me.