can i just give up?

if i put this in the wrong place please let me know so i can fix it (i'm new)

anyways. so i'm just about ready to give up on everything. I'm a paranoid schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder and major depressive disorder. and thats not all of it i have delusional thinking and i'm just all around nuts. on the plus side i am very very good at keeping it under control. unfortunately i have found out that i was born about 1000 years to late and so there is no place in this country (i've never been out of the country to know about the whole world) for me. i get punished by the "authorities" because other people are stupid. and i just cant take it anymore. i was going to just leave society and hike into the woods set up camp and live there for the rest of my life but apparently that is illegal. and my biggest problem with everything is that i'm to much of a wussy to just end it.

just a little background... i've been to 5 mental hospitals/rehabs, seen countless psychologists, seen probably about a dozen phsychiatrists been on 5 different families of medications and no one has been able to figure out what is wrong with me or been able to help even a little. this all started manifesting itself in the 3rd grade. and now i'm 20 so prolly like 12 or so years ago.

i feel like i am pretty much out of options. i cant function in society, i cant leave society.... so now i'm starting to think that the best idea of what i should do is check myself into a state mental hospital and just let out all the crazy so they wont send me away for lack of being able to pay and then any time they start thinking about letting me go i'll do something stupid and crazy so that i can put those thoughts to rest. that way i'm not really in society, all i have to do is sit around all day and hang out and i can spend plenty of time meditating.

anyone got any better ideas? cause i'm at the end of my rope here and suicide is starting to look like a really good option for me again. but i cant do that because of my... i guess you could say "religious" beliefs.

Hello dan42423. It appears that you're dealing with quite a load. Let me start off by saying that suicide should never be an option no matter how difficult or murky your situation gets. Easier said than done, yes. I believe you obviously care enough about your health and present life enough because you have sought treatment and still are at least seeking help (such as this site) and solutions that don't entail suicide.

If you are able to, I'd highly recommend re-entering or remaining in treatment through therapy. Medication may even be necessary, as people with schizophrenia and like conditions often almost require medication to help them through therapy and treatment. It's not completely necessary in my opinion, though, but I cannot say for a fact this is true for your situation, as I am not a trained doctor by any means, and don't know enough about your specific scenario or condition to really recommend too much.

It sounds like you know about meditation? This is a powerful tool in confronting feelings of defeat, as meditation enables you to "restart" or "refresh" yourself if done effectively. I've been known to fluctuate in my meditation habits, but I've read in several sources that consisted, even scheduled meditation has been reported to increase in the quality of its results to great extents. So I'd say it'd be smart to at least try to get yourself on a pattern of practicing meditation (if you aren't already) to see if this could be true for you.

When it comes to feeling overwhelmed, as it sounds like you are, it is important to remember that feeling overwhelmed is a perfectly normal experience for people dealing with any kind of psychological condition. Getting upset and stressed from being flooded with problems, side effects and symptoms is perfectly normal, though highly hindering and arresting. It's what you do with this fact that you are overwhelmed that matters more in seeking to improve your life.

Find some more ways you can learn to cope with anxiety and depression. Many find that consistent hobbies and a scheduled daily exercise time help in eliminating the side effects of anxiety, depression and other medical/psychiatric conditions and disorders. The intenseness of exercise has also been shown to increase the effectiveness it has in helping treat anxiety/depression/ect.. Just remember that safety comes first in exercise, as to avoid injuries and the like.

Please do not decide to just "give up." I believe you desire a healthy, happy life, and believe it's possible for you to achieve this. Being twenty years old also comes with its own array of stress and grief, as you are in a very sensitive point in life. Try to remember this, and remember that you are not alone in your quest for a fruitful life. If you are religious/spiritual or otherwise faithful in some belief, I'd highly recommend using this faith in aiding yourself. I know it's worked wonders for me.

encephalo wrote:If you are able to, I'd highly recommend re-entering or remaining in treatment through therapy. Medication may even be necessary, as people with schizophrenia and like conditions often almost require medication to help them through therapy and treatment. It's not completely necessary in my opinion, though, but I cannot say for a fact this is true for your situation, as I am not a trained doctor by any means, and don't know enough about your specific scenario or condition to really recommend too much.

i dont believe i'm schizophrenic. i am 100% convinced that what i see is real they are there and just because i happen to be more sensitive then most people to the spiritual realm doesnt mean that there is something wrong with me. that being said everyone else thinks i have problems when i tell them i can see talk to and boss around demons.

encephalo wrote:When it comes to feeling overwhelmed, as it sounds like you are, it is important to remember that feeling overwhelmed is a perfectly normal experience for people dealing with any kind of psychological condition. Getting upset and stressed from being flooded with problems, side effects and symptoms is perfectly normal, though highly hindering and arresting. It's what you do with this fact that you are overwhelmed that matters more in seeking to improve your life.

i'm not overwhelmed anymore. i have been dealing with this so consistently for so long that a couple months ago i just completely gave up on being overwhelmed. it caused more stress to try and figure out why my life keeps turning to crap and trying to fix it then to just let my life be crap and accept that it will never get any better. its kinda freeing actually

encephalo wrote:Find some more ways you can learn to cope with anxiety and depression. Many find that consistent hobbies and a scheduled daily exercise time help in eliminating the side effects of anxiety, depression and other medical/psychiatric conditions and disorders. The intenseness of exercise has also been shown to increase the effectiveness it has in helping treat anxiety/depression/ect.. Just remember that safety comes first in exercise, as to avoid injuries and the like.

as far as coping with anxiety i'm ok. that part i have down good. and as for the depression... other then pot i havent figured out a way to counter it. regular exercise (which really is just a way of drugging yourself legally) didnt work and neither did any of the medications. so my experience has led me to believe that i dont actually have depression. i have situational depression and unfortunately the situation that causes my depression is being part of society. otherwise the medication would have worked at least a little bit.

encephalo wrote:Please do not decide to just "give up." I believe you desire a healthy, happy life, and believe it's possible for you to achieve this. Being twenty years old also comes with its own array of stress and grief, as you are in a very sensitive point in life. Try to remember this, and remember that you are not alone in your quest for a fruitful life. If you are religious/spiritual or otherwise faithful in some belief, I'd highly recommend using this faith in aiding yourself. I know it's worked wonders for me.

i put "religious" in quotes because its not really religion its just what i believe based on what lucifer has told me (yes he talks to me directly) and i am alone. because as far as i've been told (disclaimer this next part may make people hate me but i dont really care) that i am the only one strong enough to actually get into heaven and kill god. and btw the paranoid part comes in because god is trying to stop me by breaking me down before i have a chance to get to the point where i can kill him. luckily i have lucifer helping me out and i can set up shields to stop angels from getting to me. but now i'm just sounding crazy... oh well

normal stuff i can and do deal with fairly well (aside from my love addiction) i have so much on my plate for what i need to do when i die that "normal" anxieties and stresses just dont seem worth the effort.

No dont give up.

I would recommend this clinic because it sounds like you tried MANY things and nobody can figure out whats wrong with you yes.

http://www.amenclinics.com/

This clinic is very very skilled and knowledgable of what they do. They use SPECT, MRI, fMRI etc tyo scan the brain theyre working with. They work with each individual brain and they DONT use that all fit one diagnosis approach. Daniel Amen the founder of the clinic has maybe 30 years of experience and the clinic have maybe 20 and the clinic is said to have the largest collection of brain scans on the earth and thats probable or at least one of those with the most.

Many people who got treament from teh clinic has often it changed their lives. The clinics scans the brain to check for problems and then they use teh treatments ADN then again they check with brain scan IF the treatments actually work or does it even worse.

But the clinic is also private and it is in USA and its expensive. BUT if you have enough money or anyway good enough economy I would strongly recommend it. The clinic has experience with A LOT of different issues including Shcizophrenia, depression.

I dont know how much experience they have with personality disorders, BUT they can very probably check out many types of abnormalities in your brain, something which is always a fact in Schizophrenia and depression.




It sounds like youre sharp enough to know what types of problems you have and your english is quite good. Because if your condition were even worse it would be difficult to even schedule any treatment etc...

I suggest you check out Amen Clinics before your condition gets even worse or before you even choose to commit suicide which obviously is a pretty high risk now.

You know that Lucifer guy its pretty untrustworthy. I don't like him to much. He lies alot. He fooled me a couple times, sent some or rather a couple buddies of his my way. They were not too cool either. I suggest you get a more better friend. Like Jesus. He is a way better friend. He tells the truth and that sets you free. I hope you stick around, I'd love to help. Believe me you are being deceived. He is play,ing you and blaming God. Want to know how I know? Cuz Lucifer tried to take God s place once, he lost. So if he wasn't strong enough and if that is true, how are his angels going to protect you from God. Plus, I know God personally. He doesn't want to hurt you or beat you down. He wants to help you, heal you. Believe me I know.

I think your plan to "let your crazy show" and get into hospital is not a bad plan. But i don't think you would have to be in there forever because i think they will give you the help and support you need to help you cope with society. Then when you can cope effectively with being part of society you will be ok to leave hospital. X

You should never give up! Life is meant to be lived. Take it just a day at a time, and always think of your loved ones, and how much better your life can be in the future.

Hi. It's very important that you sort out medication for yourself. You say you're a spiritual person. If you take your medication, then you'll be in a much better place appreciate what is truly spiritual as you'll have a lot more clarity. It will feel like a weight has been lifted off you, your thought processes will be clearer and you'll have a lot more insight and you will begin to be able to lead a life with quality and enjoyment. For as long as you leave out your medication, you're missing out on life quality. You're missing out on knowing what is real and what isn't. You're creating emotional, psychological, spiritual and mental confusion for yourself. I once knew a guy who was an unmedicated schizophrenic. He believed he was having spiritual experiences, but these experiences did not enhance his life quality in any way and he lived a sad and lonely, chaotic existence. As soon as he began to take his medication, he said it was as if a veil had been lifted. He began to have clarity of thought, and the most profound thing that happened to him was that for the first time he gained a real spiritual awareness, unburdened by psychosis. He is now a Budhist monk and is the most peaceful, serene, wise and truly lovely person you could wish to meet.