When someone has given up all hope

Hi,

I am new to this site/forum. I don't see a forum for the 'care-givers' so this seemed to be the most appropriate place for me to post.

My son has bipolar; he was first diagnosed at 15 but never really took the diagnosis seriously and so tried to do normal things such as partying with friends, working, and going to college (not necessarily all at the same time)- life became harder and harder for him as he got older. Finally at 23 he was re-diagnosed and this time, I believe he was relieved to realize it wasn't 'him', and his life started making sense.

It has been almost a year now and although his mood is more stable, his sleep cycle is upside down and unstable and other anxieties like social anxiety have become debilitating and more prevalent.

He believes that he will never have any sort of fulfillment in his life until he significantly lowers the bar on what he would like his life to be like, and as far as he sees it, he will only get worse as he gets older.

There is never any talk of finding a way to live with his illness. He essentially is in the house (in his room if anyone is over), doing math, reading, playing piano or pc/video games. He has recently mentioned once or twice that he may want to take a class.

How should I, as his mom, act? I have MS and know what it is like to have to alter your expectations, and lose the ability to do things I once loved and defined myself by. But life demands that sometimes and I find it hard being ok listening to my son give up ( we talk multiple times a day and the discussions are occasionally positive but mostly they are circular, negative and depressing. I try and be sympathetic but sometimes all I can think to tell him is that over time he will find a way to make sense of all this.
Any suggestions?

Thanks in advance.

Hey,

I understand your great worry for your son. it was actually at around his age that my life started to really hit rock-bottom, and I had been 'sitting' at home for a year too, doing nothing. What is important to do is to take one step at a time. The next step in his life is to get his moods under control. However, if this seems unlikely to happen, the the show must go on despite his moods. He cannot stay there forever, and whether he likes it or not, he will have to make his own life some day. Focussing on his interests is important.

You mentioned maths, reading, and playing the piano...? Why not sign him up for piano lessons. That would force him to go out somewhere each week and to talk to someone (his teacher; and/or classmates). Alternatively, ask him what class (in another topic he would like to do, and then sign him up immediately. You have to keep pushing him, even if it seems like you are bothering him.

If things remain the same, then the future will be bleak. So, you must take action. Are you with me on this?

Take care,
Kevin