One life and a new start....

What I always feel before, life is emptiness but now I can feel Life. It doesn't empty anymore. It's just a mystery and complicated. I don't really know what have been waiting for me and what I am going to feel. I can feel life isn't so hard sometime now.

What have been happened to me that make me feel that way. All my life, I live life as I'm someone that I don't really know.

I was born in a family that want a son more than a daughter. I am a second daughter. What I want from my parents, just to love me as the way I am but when it didn't happen so I just changed myself to be someone that they want.

They don't like a daughter so I don't like myself as being a girl. A good child have to do what the parents tell us to do and I did. My mother accused me of being sensitive so I just stopped crying. She accused me of being a bad kid so I just stopped to be angry. Finally, I didn't know how to express my fear. All my feelings I just kept them inside me, inside myself.

I got my answer now, it's not worth at all to change myself to be someone that I am not because they still don't love me that way anyway and I have lost my happiness along the way.

Since then I promise myself, I am going to be myself. I've tried hard to find who I am and finally I find myself in many pieces and start to feel again. What I need to do right now is try to put them together. I do hope I can find every pieces of me and I will be able to live again.

Now here I am and hoping I will be able to live a wonderful life.

All the best,
Ray

I totally know where you're coming from with the whole good daughters listen to their parents. I'm in a similar situation where my mother is constantly dissatisfied with who I am.

Your post gave me a little bit of hope. I hope that one day I can get where you are. Stay strong!!