ONE DAY AT A TIME

I CHOSE THIS FORUM ON THE WEBSITE BECAUSE I FELL INTO A COUPLE OF DIFFERENT CATEGORIES AND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE TO START.

I AM A SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVOR BY A GRANDFATHER, I BELIEVE THAT MY MOTHER HAS NARCISSICTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER - ALTHOUGH IT WAS NOT OFFICIALLY DAGANOSED, MY FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC - REHABILITATED 20 YRS AGO AND I AM A PARENT WITH A CHILD THAT HAS ADHD ALONG WITH BEING ON THE AUTISTIC SPECTRUM.

MY HUSBAND AND I ARE LOVING PARENTS SUPPORTING OUR CHILD IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE TO HELP HIS GROWTH, DEVELOPMENT AND WELL BEING. CARING FOR A CHILD LIKE THIS CAN BE A REAL CHALLENGE; ONE I THINK WE HANDLE WONDERFULLY. I KEEP GOING AND KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT ALL THIS EFFORT AND LOVE WILL ALLOW OUR SON TO LEAD A GOOD LIFE. A FAR CRY FROM THE WAY MY PARENTS AND GRANPARENTS BEHAVED WHEN I GROWING UP.

I WANTED TO RETURN TO WORK AFTER OUR SON STARTED SCHOOL, BUT I DECIDED NOT TO BECAUSE HE NEEDED A FULL TIME MOM AT HOME TO CARE FOR HIM. I WAS FORTUNATE BEING ABLE TO DO THIS BECAUSE MY HUSBAND MADE ENOUGH TO SUPPORT US. I HAVE NOT WORKED FOR 14 YEARS NOW.

I DON'T REGRET NOT RETURNING TO WORK BUT LATELY HOWEVER, THERE ARE DAYS THAT I FIND MYSELF JUST WORN OUT AND SOMETIMES I CRY ALONE JUST TO VENT. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A STRONG PERSON, BUT AS I GET A LITTLE OLDER I'M SEEING A FEW CRACKS THAT WERE NOT THERE BEFORE. I SOUGHT OUT HELP FROM SEVERAL DIFFERENT DOCTORS AND THERAPISTS ONLY TO FIND METHODS OF TREATMENT THAT WERE A BIT BIZZARE TO ME. ONE HANDED ME A BOOK ON DEATH AND SAID I WAS IN DENIAL! MY RESPONSE WAS "IF I WERE IN DENIAL, I WOULDN'T BE HERE RIGHT NOW"! ANOTHER THERAPIST SUGGESTED PARENT TRAINING! ALOT OF MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS OUT THERE WILL ASSUME THAT YOU ARE LIKELY TO PASS YOUR ABUSIVE EXPERIENCES ONTO TO YOUR CHILD OR CHILDREN WITHOUT EVEN BOTHERING TO ASK YOU ABOUT IT FIRST! I SORT OF GAVE UP THE IDEA OF LOOKING FOR A PROFESSIONAL THINKING THEY MIGHT DO MORE HARM THAN GOOD.

TO ADD MORE STRESS TO ALL OF THIS, AROUND EIGHT MONTHS AGO MY HUSBAND'S JOB STARTING IMPLEMENTING SOME PAYCUTS HERE AND THERE. FOLLOWING THAT WERE FURLOUGH DAYS AND ALL OVERTIME BEING STOPPED. WE HAD JUST ENOUGH MONEY FOR BASIC NEEDS AND DECIDED THAT FILING FOR BANKRUPTCY WOULD BE THE BEST ROUTE TO HELP THE SITUATION. WE FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY IN JUNE ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND'S JOB DECIDED TO LET HIM GO IN AUGUST WITHOUT NOTICE. HE RECEIVED A PHONE CALL AT NIGHT BY SOMEONE IN THE COMPANY TELLING HIM THAT "TODAY WAS HIS LAST DAY". "THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE GIVEN US AND ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND ".

I KNOW ALOT OF PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING OUT THERE NOW, BUT iF ANYONE OUT THERE HAS READ MY STORY, MAYBE JUST A FEW KIND WORDS OF ADVICE WOULD REALLY HELP ME TOO PICK UP THE SPIRITS A LITTLE. THANKS

Hi. I'm here. I read your post. Thank you for coming on here. This place might just be what you need right now. A place to vent. A place to be heard.
I hear you about a traumatic childhood. About coping, about grieving and sacrificing your freedom to help a child with challenges. About struggles with money/work, being a housewife and not "working" (ha!)-all of it.
I guess house wives like ourselves at some point quietly wonder will I ever have a peaceful moment to nurture me?
Your a mom-you know all about being creative and resourceful. But perhaps, you can use some of that energy on finding some glimmer of satisfaction for yourself.
You still have wings. Find a way to spread them now and then. VENT all you want here! Dump,pour,spill, what ever you need.
Many people here are Moms.
Find you inner joy my new friend. PM anytime. You are NOT alone.
With Love,
One