Hello! I have hope. Why, you might ask? Well, let me tell you a true story:
Almost exactly a year ago I was admitted to a psychiatric facility for suicidal attempts/self harm. I was completely unstable. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression with Psychotic features, and Anxiety Disorder. I had a history of Anorexia, but at the time was binging/purging . In other words, I was a mess. I had tried several attempts at taking my life, including but not limited to: Slitting my wrists, overdosing, and choking. I would cut on an almost daily basis. I hated life, myself and everyone around me. I couldn't keep a relationship, but couldn't stand the thought of being alone. Everything was miserable.
Buuuttttt I was sent, against my will, to a psychiatric facility, and it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. During my year long stay I tried several suicide attempts, I cut and I just didn't get that life could be worth living. But one day I looked at the scars on my arm and realized that I was in that place for a reason. I HAD to get better. I had a family that I hadn't seen in a long time, friends that were wondering where I was, and school that I was falling behind in. It didn't just hit me, though. I was threatened with a long term adult facility placement. That scared the you-know-what out of me. I couldn't let that happen. I had to shape up. And I did. My mother was the most helpful, loving, caring person in my life at the time. Also the staff at the hospital, my social worker, therapist, and psychiatrist helped immensely.
I'm not completely stable just yet. I still struggle with eating and staying away from all or nothing thinking. My psychiatrist told me to stay "In the middle line. Not to the extreme". I also struggle with my impulsivity and some thoughts of self harm.
But, I made it out alive. I love life now. I WANT to live! I have friends that love me, and I realize this now. I have a family that will support me through everything, and that means the world to me.
I hope you gain hope from this post. Realize that you CAN make it through your illness, alive and glad to be alive. You may not need as severe a slap in the face as a facility for a year, or you may, but whatever it takes, just know that you can survive.
I may not know you, reader, but I wish you luck with your problems. May you find the help you need, and not too late either.
-Nikki
17 years young.
Happy to be alive and well.
Wishing you luck.