AnotherToxic Bar experience..But HOPE a GREAT new social sys

Processing After the Bar Scene

Man I just feel FRAZZZLED like that whole Glascotts, Slainte,Store bar night sequence was jolting it feels like a bunch of some good comments from people, some annoying and/or immature and I haven't like "processed" any of it. I feel kind of abused, not so much though as other "bar nights". I realized talking slow at first looks like confidence. And when I'm kind of hesitant to start a conversation, that's usually a sign of confidence (good to know).

This ALWAYS happens after a bar scene: I feel that frazzled, dazzled, like a big plate of emotional work is lingering hovering around my brain. Because a lot of people have problems in bars. Like people who are "sick" and whatnot. Not exactly a hospital, but the "racism" remark is a perfect example. Anyways, I'm a bit scared because I often don't KNOW what I like/dislike!! THAT's huge. with people at least. I KNOW I love
eastern, alternative medicine (And dislike western medicine)
dislike psychiatry but LOVE cognition and positive psychological health
things I LIKE just work. They just are always effective.

This is WHY bar scenes are so much work and SO hellish for me. They're chock full of:

1. Potential friends that are uplifting and love
2. People that bring me down
3. superficial jerks who play games
4. meatheads who infuriate me.
5. idiots who emotionally frazzle and create doubt and confusion
6. Neutral people who don't have much of an impact

And I don'thave SCREENING criteria for that. I go in there and I, in teh past, absorbed all of it. I'm not doing that anymore!! I'm ACTIVELY employing the EATUI_uplifting program which filters out and essentially eliminates 2-6!!! Sweet!


I guess I don't make too many other judgments, but it could be VERY useful to do so, possibly.


Things that people said that I liked:
Mara:

1. "Time is man-made. Time is an illusion." VERY Cool. I wish she could have talked more on that. (I also kind of deified her a bit, with her seducing me with some idol worshipper or exotic fetishist of sorts).
2. "###$ Them" to other people in the bar? DAMN! I wish I could talk more with Mara. I feel like she's really looking out for my cognition (thinking about thinking), no actually, she's lookin out for my emotional freedom, YES. that's what it felt like based on those nourishing commetns. But that's great advice she gave because it's like telling me to "not worry about all those other people". I just wanted to look into her eyes, she was so entrancing.
3. You're Socially awkward. Just an interesting thing to say.
4. You have ADD.

It kept looking like she wanted to sit on my lap, or she made all this like "mystical" arm touches that was pretty angelic and cool, but definitely kind of confusing and not necessarily awkward. She also grabbed my necklace, too. Okay, I've GOT to be more aware of female-to-male IOIs. She grabbed my necklace, danced with me, kept touching me, kept telling me to sit down. It was obvious she liked me, but I just didn't know what level of liking like a fun "make out right then" or just a bland "you look interest, let's get to know each other". I also was taken aback that this beautiful, sexy gorgeous 27 year-old woman was like talking to and hitting on me! Maybe she had the hidden angelina jolie wisdom. That could be. MAN, I wish she elaborated more on how I viewing time as an illusion can enhance my life and how saying "###$ them" to other people could help my life. She just seemed like she had all these amazing emotional technology ideas "locked up" in her and she only.

It kind of felt like she was setting all these high-tech advanced psychological, neuroscience, touch anchors. hopefully they were uplifting. She also looked and acted SOOOO clean. She could have been trying to "domesticate me" because my conversation like "STOPPED" when the two women got back when I had just been talking to the seth rogen, bryan dude. seth rogen bryan dude was acting, improv guy, talkative, fast-talker, fun, intelligent, awesome uplifting. the melissa person was funny, loveable and cute. Mara was sexy as heck, clean, VERY wise and deep.

This is all about a VERY defining period in my life. Distinguish the types of people I do and do not like AND of most vital importance, accepting the truth that I do NOT like every person on the planet. That's a new, nascent realization, and it's going to fun and productive to implement that recent discovery into behavioral habits to ensure all my social time goes only to uplifting people, to people that I truly like!


Okay Mara, Seth Rogen Guy, and The Melissa chubby woman.
Are they friends or people I don't like??? I really don't know. I realy could not stop thinking about mara. She could be like a BIG enemy. Or, more likely, (like my bro, james) the COMPLETE opposite of me! She did say some things that are against my creed "that I had ADD" but then she said "that's okay". That could be 1)Highly manipulative. already assuming that I have a "disorder" (of which I know does not exist) and moving into the "acceptance of it" phase OR 2)just observant and honest and that's what she thought but it's sitll like not a label I'd ever go around doing.

The significance of Labeling People
But I realize EVERYONE LABELS everyone, mainly with stupid labels like psychiatric disorders, but I HAVE Started to do that labelling to, and it's AMAZINGLY clarifying! When you label, you can then respond (or not respond) accordingly to get the most social bang for your buck. If socializing is surfing, then I would have been paddling around all these wave areas that don't have surf, or have polluted water (toxic people)!! LABELING is something you do with beacehs, and it's something I'm doing with people now. THAT's HUGE. that creates control over my life in teh social world. It gives me more things to control and manage eliminate or add, to make my life experience optimal and GREAT and amazing.Here are some GREAT people labels:
Uplifting
Uplifting:Career (they are career connetions)
Uplifting:GF
Uplifting:Friend
Uplifting:Friend:Health Buddy (an ahtletic uplifting friend)
Uplifting:Friend:Talker (a fun improvising, part friend).
Uplifting:Finances (someone who gives you insight into fincaes)
Uplifting:Reference (someone who just is a GREat source of really uplifting, clarifying information on a subject. Like my parents' neighbor Joel Spear is an "Uplifting:Reference:Western Medicine because he has the same birthday as me (although about 30 years older) and has a similar personality and is a really cool energized awesome, healthy person and. cool!

Then there's
Toxic
Toxic: Emotional Confuser
Toxic: Spiritual Distorter
Toxic: Belief Killer
Toxic : Belief Contraster (a toxicperson who has contrasting vital beliefs; there's a sliht element of my brother being toxic:belief contraster, a tiny bit. But he might be more Neutral:Belief Contraster).

Then after applying All those labels to people, you then just do around toxic people if (have to be near them) do "superficial_hello_goodbye_zero_energy" demeanor
else cut and run immediately and spontaneously.

and around uplifting people, share books, movies, book ieas, energy, and fun times.

THAT protects you. That nourishes you. NOT labeling is the equivalent of eating a 4 candybars for breakfast, smoking a pack of cigs, eating a salad for lunch, taking "detox purification pills", then eating $#%^ for dinner, but then doing having a desert of "wheat grass". Doesn't that sound absolutely ridiculous? IT's a person yo-yoing between extremely unhealthy, TOXIC (cigs, $#%^, candybars) and extremely healthy, UPLIFTING (salad, wheat grass, detox) . So DO NOT be shy or reluctant to apply a Toxic labe, they're JUST as important as applying the UPLIFTING labels!

Defining Criteria for Toxic or Uplifting
The defining criteria for someone being toxic or uplifting is EASY.
1. NEVER base a label on hearsay, what others say, others' labels, and/or others' opinions.
2. Ask yourself "How do I feel after interacting with this person?" Do I feel that way consistently? Or are their exceptions?
3. If someone consistently (CONSISTENCY IS KEY) makes you feel joyful, blessed, happy, honored, respected, energized, encouraged, more successful, stronger, better, label them uplifting. If they consistently make you feel doubtful, confused, heavy, angry, ashamed, or worried, label them toxic. Do that instantly. If they CONSISTENTLY make you feel both (sometimes toxic, sometimes uplifting) then label them Ambivalent. if someone makes you feel neither, label them neutral (which just means they have a zero impact on you).

So I think my parents are DEFINITELY not consistently uplifting. They are also not consistently toxic. But they have been BOTH quite uplifting AND quite toxic, so they're Ambivalent. JAmes is Ambivlaent-Toxic, meaning he's more toxic than uplifting, but has both qualities. My brother Thomas is Neutral-Uplifting. He's kind of low impact, but always makes me feel nothing or uplifted. GREAT!!

The bar scene in general for me has been, TA. toxic ambivalent. I sometiems feel VERY uplifted, but most of hte time feel toxic after it.

The 16 First Order Labels: UNAT

Here are all the possible labels you could apply to a person, thing, food, place, and/or event.

UT
AA
TU

* TU=AA = This person is practically Ambivalent, but they're toxic first and foremost, so they're about 56.25% toxic, 43.75% uplifting
* TN=This person is always toxic, with occasional jumps to neutral. Making them about 62.5% toxic.
* TA=The person who's almost always toxic, but then sometimes can jump into an equally half-toxic, half-uplifting mode. So a TA is about 75% toxic, 25% uplifting
* TT=The most consistently always toxic person.


* UU=100% consistently, always 100% uplifting.
* UN=This person is always uplifting, with occasional jumps to neutral. Making them about 62.5% uplifting.
* UA=The person who's almost always uplifting, but then sometimes can jump into an equally half-toxic, half-uplifting mode. So a UA is about 75% uplifting, 25% toxic.
* UT=AA= This person is practically Ambivalent, but they're uplifting first and foremost, so they're about 56.25% uplifting, 43.75% toxic

* NU= This person is 75% neutral and 25% uplifting.
* NN=The rare person who is 0% uplifting and 0% toxic; 100% neutral.
* NA=The person is neutral with a twinge of ambivalence, making them 25% uplifting, 25% toxic, 50% neutral
* NT=This person is 75% neutral, but 25% toxic.

* AU=This person is is 75% ambivalent, 25% pure uplifting (making them, if you break that down, 62.5% uplifting,
* AN=Ambivalence with a twinge of not having any effect at all, 25% uplifting, 25%
* AA=This person is EXACTLY 50% toxic; 50% uplifting. They Always make you feel the extremes.
* AT=This person is ambivalent an then very toxic, the worst kind of ambivalence. 75% ambivalent, 25% toxic (or 37.5% uplifting, 62.5% toxic)


How do you apply these labels?

Flush your mind of judgments and concerns of hurting others' feelings.

Take an event, food, place, person, or item and scan your personal experience with that entity. How did you feel during and after interacting with that entity?

Pick T,U,N, or A

Next ask was that consistent?

Pick T,U,N,A again.

Then apply a 1 of 5 second order label.

Finally rank your level of certainty as 1,2,3 with three being ABSOLUTEly certain, 1 being fairly uncertain

Examples of Applying The First-Order and Second-Order Labels

People

Blond-haired woman: AT:Friends 3

Tony Robbins: UU:Health,Career, GF, Friends 3
David Allen: UU:Career,Friends 2 (only source of doubt is I have my own management system; but he is INCREDIBLY aligning, like tony and WICKED smart).
Deepak Chopra:UU:Health:Career, Friends

Places
Chicago:TA:Career
Hollywood:UA:Career+Friends+GF+Health (bike stolen, but heaven otherwise)
Punta Laguna:UN (consistent, heavenly and VERY consistent)Friends+Career+Health
Punta Laguna:UU:Health


Events
Past Cruise boats:UU:GF+Friends+Health 3
Running:UT:Health+Friends+Career+GF 2
Running:UT:Career 2
Running:UA:Health (feel extrems sometimes after runs)
Swimming:UN:Health (again, feel extremes)
Swimming:UA:Career 1 (things seem to go well after swims.
Swimming:UN:GF 1 (met laura after a swim, not nec. a good thing, but it's cool
Living in SB 2006:TN: Hurt career but being close to la boosted it, terrible run pattenrs, blah, didn't surf, took location for gratned.
Living in Car Around SoCal:AU: Definitely extremes but almost all uplifting (it wa HARD, but good).
Surfing:UN: 3: peaceful consistent, heavenly incredible relaxing, FUN FUN FUN, geat health, natural fun awesome for clarity peace FUN enery, only downside is equipment and finding beach and occasional ctus on feet
Soccer:UA: fun, NATURAL health FFUNN.
Sex:UA: FUN GREAT health, heavenly dream fulfillment, only downside is if she smells wierd and/or is prudish
Sex with beautiufl passionate, open to everything woman that I'm confient with: UU 3
Bars:TA: During bar scene is work and can provide invaluable insights into the life of people, but ulitmately AFTERWARD I always always feel toxic. some of those canbe positive life lessons about people, but it's consistently always a toxic feeling (3 certainty).

Items
Gateway laptop:NT:Career+Friend+GF+
Gatewau laptop:TA:Health 1 could be AT easily (get sucked into it and neglect exercise, but it doesn keep me very organize
Macbook:UA: All5
Macbook:UN:Health
Macbook: UA:Career 2 (essential, but a phone might be faster, and don't want it to draw away from real wordl.
TV:C:TA (good if used to watch reports to keep up to date
TV:H:TA (can be refreshing)
TV:GF:TN (Doesn't help with girls, except that sometimes it can relax, you ,but mainly toxic for gf)
TV:F:TN (Same as gf)
Thermarest: UU 3 (AWESOME< portable, comfortable, relaxin, no downsides, ULTIMATE prtabilit, sweet).
Cat:UT:Health+Friends (GREAT To have a pet to care for, that creates a necessary healthy vibe, but I devoted to much time to it and needed to have some space away from it when I have a cat).
Radio: UA (VERY informative, love keeping in touch with things that way, but can frequently be a nuisacne backround noise).
Porn:AT:Health (relaxation)
Porn:C,GF,F:TA (relaxes you, but generally toxi to gf, career and relationship).
Cell Phone:TU: (can be annoying, but ultimately it's a gateway to getting in touch with people, making appointmetns and getting things done with appointments and calendars. sometims it's nice to not have cell phones, it will switch to UN if I use labels correclty, right now it's a dangerous portal that can cause me to do thing I wouldn't normally do if I get propositions from people.

Webcams.com:TA: pretty bad, drains account financialy, doesn't do much for mood, but iatelats its discovering how manipulative sleaze balls women work so as to not get affected by them again.

ore you know a person, the longer the relationsihp, but more difficult it is to have certainty with the label you apply because it's difficult to have space on that label. But it's So important to just apply and then automatically trust your labels.

The coolest thing about all this is it removes decisions from all things! You just have your program that corresponds to labels.


The Life Coach woman (from what I've spoken with her): Uplifting
The Jaguar dude: Uplifting-Ambivalent

The Five Second-Order Labels

Friends, Career, GF, Health, and Reference are the only second order labels.

How to apply a second order label?

Ask yourself towards what area does this entity fuel?

Third-Order Labels: Create Your Own

Make up your own third-order label for added organization and specialized classification.



The Blond Woman at Glascotts -- Friend, Foe, Like, Dislike?
I THOUGHT I really liked that blond woman at Glascotts and I thought we really hit it off talking about music. I was having fun and that I was "in" a conversation. I just really liked the conversation with her (it was playful and light) and then she emotionally socked me in the gut by out of the blue, saying "okay, I'm going to go back and talk with my friends". And then she just like socially locked me out of the conversation. That hurt. I just walked away. I could have said, "Wait, What? I thought we really hit it off talking about music! Do you not like me? I guess I just totally mispercieved the situation by misreading her vibe regarding our relationship and thought you liked me. I liked meeting you. You're cool. You're fun to talk with." I guess her saying that line was just pretty "flat out" saying to me "I don't like you. Go Away". That kind of hurt. Another possibility:
she wanted to "challenge" me and play hard to get and exclude me. but if she operates that way, I don't like that behavior, so I wouldn't want to get to know her anyway. So it hurt and was stunning that she just suddenly yanked the carpet out from underneath me and basically said she didn't like me to my face, but she automatically made herself "toxic" by doing that, and it was good that she did that, so I didn't waste any more of my time and energy with her. She was the example of a person who appeared VERY uplifting, but then suddenly became toxic. Moving on! Great!

Okay
One thing that gets me is the whole conversational give-take exchange at social places. I somewhat fear thoe because the "take" part could lead my life in a new direction and I don't know if that new direction is better or worse. but if "all new" (or old stuff in a new way, like re-examining computers) is "good" then that's good. shared the tip of the iceberg, so I wanted to hear more of what she was talking about and (obviously, she was a babe, so she was physically attractive as hell, too)

* Doctor Person
* 1"I'm a doctor. I'm on call". Why was that meaningful? Because that's what it felt like!! I felt like a fast-paced doctor called into that stuff. Getting like "healing" credit for that stuff would make it more bearable and actually getting paid, obviously. Also, that's it THAT's IT. That's what I feel like I'm doing, what I am in bars! I feel like I'm a doctor, soliving people's emotional problems (And their are a LOT of those in bars). I'm also learning about myself by learning about other people (kind of anthropologically), which is cool. that's awesome! great.
that's why it feels like work, that's why it IS work and not play! cool



Confusing, Odd, or Questionable Uncertain Things People Said
Soccer Dude, Mike -- "I'm not boat person". I don't know if I'm a boat person. I'm a WATER person. I love surfing. BIG TIME. I could be a boat person, but haven't been on a boat! I'm DEFINITELY a cruise boat person at times!! Yes. FUN cruise boat.
He said "Cape Cod" -- emphasized the "Cod" fish; cod the fish that changed the world??

* Random person I did not know, had zero conversation with and he just walked up to be and said: "I don't like black people and I don't like Jews either." Then he left and I never saw him and never even looked at his face, really. I laughed and said, "Well, you're pretty honest about your racism, there!" But what the HELL wa s that? Did he mean that I (john) didn't like black people or jews? No, that doesn't make sense. But it brought up the question of defining what I like and don't like and I AM interested in becoming more aware of my bodily signs and behaviors that are telling myself that I do or don't like some person or something. I love some jews and african americans, so not liking an entire race is absurd, puerile, and unintelligent. Morgan freeman is a great actor. But I DO act differently around certain peoples and/or cultures. Do I not like one of them, if I get "quiet"? It's strange because I usually conceal from myself my preferences. But NOW 2008 -- life is ALL about defining preferences and what I do and don't like. and ONLY engaing likes, those preferences because that changes hell into heaven and makes your life an enjoyable dream of joys! I disparage racism, so I was shocked that someone would just randomly say that. so wierd. so "like un-pc out of bounds", but I think I responded extremely well to it with that comment. I think I REALLY liked the costa rica people, they were christian. but some of them were hellish. No, that's a poor characteristic to say you like/dislike ALL of some religion or people. There are small likes and dislikes within that of people. But if I don't like something, do I not communicate with them? Do I go mute? And when I Do like someone or something I'm talkative and engaged and "all energy hyped?". I was DEFINITELY all energy hyped with the cat. But I think I DISPLAY and behavioral act out my likes and dislikes MUCH differently. like I hated and DO hate psychiatry. IT's an abominable profession, but I was interested in changing that to more eastern, becaue I DO believe in healing people, butI Hate and was hyper--critical of prescription, drug company, DSM scams, and causing people to believe they have disorders that do not exist! EVerything is cognitive. But it IS Scary how many people buy into the scam of pscyhiatry and actually believe such disorders exist, when they don't!!! But what's REALLy exciting is that I've started to see, either because 1)They've always been ther, I'm just opening my eyes and awareness up to them; or 2)I actually started a foundational change in the world with all my criticism of psych, praise for anti-psych, and passion with eastern medicine and acupuncture. Number 2 is IMPORTANT for me to acknowledge because helping, curing, moving the world to a better place is a HUGE essential for personal validation. If I'm a billionaire, with a beautiful family, beautiful girlfriend, and tremendously successful and healthy, I sitll wont' feel valid until knowing that I've helpd create a foundational shift, change, cure, and/or momentum (large or small) to move the world to a better place. Living a valid life has to HAVE All those things for me, baically making myself health, aligned, clear, happy, clean, and successful and the same thing for good stuff for the world. That's the motivation for ALL my blogging and writing. All of that is to leave the world my "manual" for fixing or boosting or aligning or keeping it aligned emotionally, physically, spiritually, and with relationships. I've done that for the past 7 years (untill 2007 from 2000) and it's SOOO exciting to now focus in on the other half,, MY life, girflirend, success, happiness, healthy, cleanliness, etc.! Most people build themselves up first, then give to the world, but I did MASSIVE world stuff (and I'll continue to do that, but optionally. I've like fulfilled that valid giving benevolence). IT's just VERY important for me to acknowledge, understand, and KNOW that THAT (eastern medicine is totally my thing becauses it has awareness of how sensitive the human body is and it only needs small minute changes IN the right place (like acupuncture) to go AMAZINGLY far in positive upward health, and that I'm strongly anti-western medicine because it's invasive destructive, some prescriptions result in suicide, it's like a disease! western medicine is so toxic!! eastern,alternative, chinese medicine is uplifting and good and quality! I should read up on that!)
* okay, about that random person's racist comment, I think I was startled because that guy had a SERIOUS problem!! Jeez! And it would take a lot of serious questions to unravel it, like: "Do you remember a black and/or jewish person ever causing you harm?" "How did that feel? What reaction did you have? Whom did you talk to about that harm?" to get DETAILS on teh one incident so they don't generalize to that whole group. IF a group of some sort (some religion or culture) continually caused him harm, then we would look to see if that "harm" is real or if it's fictional (in his mind). So it's a complex process that involves: 1)Questioning to pinpoint actual people that hurt him to determine how much he's generalizing about an entire race or religion and then 2)Questioning and doing sequential interrogation to determine if that hurt is legitimate and ONLY related to those specific people. like "Do you feel the same hurt with other people or things?" "Did you do anything that could perpetuate that hurt?" But that's a LOT of work and I can't jut do that to EVERY person who has a problem for FREE on whim! I'll spend my whole life helping others improve and then myself, I'd feel neglected and abused. It's okay if I CHARGE people to do that because that creates an exchange that helps them (duh) AND helps me! And it's structred that way, so I can schedule in quality great stuff.
*

*



Things I WAS REALLY PISSED About

1. After I came back from the bathroom. Mara and that whole group was gone. I don't have regrets, but "if I did" I'd regret not trying to make out with her. I'd regret not being more "touchy feely' because strangely, that's what she kept doing to me and dancing. I was kind of quizzical because I didn't understand why this beautiful, skinny, hot dancer woman was touching me. She was kind of awkward or (VERY coordinated in her movements) and she kep telling me that I was socially awkward.
2. That I didn't talk about more of my accomplishments to Jeff Blankstein. Note to self, talk about good accomplishments to old acquaintenaces! Maybe I did tht perfectly though.
3. I had about 6 beers and a shot.


One werid thing about me, is I somteimes convey (somtimes partially on purpose), Mr. Innocent in the bars, but I'm pretty aggressive and raunchy in bed. It's like I don't feel comfortable acting sexual in public or unless the woman and I are in my place or something like that. NOt really sure of those details.

But I feel like I've processed this pretty well. I wanted to have hooked up with MAra. God, she was amazing. Amazingly hot. And not fat. A lot of women I've hooked up with have a little chub, tiny bit of the pudge on them, so it will be interesting to hook with someone REALLY connected to their body. She reminded me of maya. wow.

but it just kind of became clear to me my "relationship" with the bar scene. I never go (even though I've tried to arrange this) with friends, beforehand, so I always go solo. And
1. I'm "unconfident and over-zealous" or unaware and overzealous, and dudes make up $#%^ (like that htey played chess) and then give me women advice and I act like it's really valuable.
2. With women. I'm unaware and overzealous and think I'm closer to the group and then they explicitly exclude me.
3. I'm (after experiencing the exclusion women) am overlyreluctant to a group that is actually accepting.


I feel like talking to myself inthe car. REAL-Time. Quality is ALL about getting my interests out there. like the career, health, long-term relationship with amazingly hot, wise, UPLIFTING babe, was incredible stuff, but all those are THE SANE AND SAME thing!! great.

I feel good. I feel more connected after having talked and gone to those three bars. a lot of the people were toxic, but THIS is a DEFINITE PATTERN, I always seem to find "my group" of 2-4 uplifting people (like the mexicans at funk) at the end of the night, when I'm like totally exhausted and can't do much other than absorb or deflect.


How I feel in LIfe in General Now
I'm just so excited and a bit afraid, now in life because I feel like things are going the way I want!! And that's GREAT. Lifecoaching is becoming a reality, so is acting, motivational speaking, health healing professions, all thise career DREAMS are becoming more and more tangible! It's SUCH A Good feeling but I'm scared that it may vanish because I dont' know how it's all happening. The only thing I can think of is REALLY focusing on career, using auto-suggestion with my new years resolutions, acupuncture and getting thigns done, so I'll KEEP doing that!!

This is an exciting time becaue out of the close to a THOUSAND books I've read, I have all these GEMS locked away in my mind, ready to unlock. LIke the "forgive for good stuff" the "getting people to make changes based on them wanting to change" leverage, all of that stuff, is all starting to get applied, because iwth lifecoaching clients, I'll get to use all those gems. THAT's what so awesome about having a lot of great knowledge, it just "unlocks' when you need it and use it automatically,it will reveal itself when you need it and then you'll automaticaly apply it, sweet!

I'm also very interested in having more TANGIBLE career things. Right now career (because i've bene SSSOOO fatally patient) is amorphorous. I want to do healing, lifecoaching, acting, music, health, organizational managment, web design, film editing, and motivational speaking stuff with writing for career, but it's not tangible. I want like okay 4 clients appointments, a movie project with a deadline, a motivational seminar with a set calendar date, audience, and material that I present in, opps to teach people about alternative medicine, 1 web site client. ALL of that!! so that it's calendared and scheduled. RIight now, I try to "wedge in those" so if I talk with a friend about a problem, I "act" like that's lifecoaching or I do karaoke and "act" like that's a movie. Everything is amorphous with career. I want career to be solid, tangible, defined, given that all those appointments and defined criteria are good and uplifting!!

I have FOUR main life bubble projects going on now. EVERYTHING I do, every thing I eat, think, write, put on a to do list,is in one of these three categories. CAlifornia, moving, publishing writings, getting organized, journals, all of those are part of those 4 essential categories. I'm not doing anything else other than those four categories. It's SO exciting and grand to realize all of this because I've already taken action steps and auto-suggestions to REALLY further all of them.
Health
Friend Relationships
Girlfriend
Career

The Always and Only Engage_EATU Person(s) and/or Groups Program
I want to devise a way to gauge if "this group is accepting, do they speak my lingo, are they uplifting?" etc. and then progressing directly respond with the directly proportional amount of energy engagement. That way, I won't use a drop of energy on time with toxic groups and groups that "speak my lingo" (like Mara and the seth rogen and melissa person) and i'll never have regrets of "oh I should have done this, said that" with engaging uplifting people. It will be a behavioral social system that directly precludes me from trusting and energy-engaging toxic people/groups (which would be a waste of time) and automatically activates my maximum, optimal energy-engaging movies, books, book ideas work with uplifting people.

The social behavioral program would be something like this

Why this works.
First off, you NEVER engage toxic people from the get go. So ANYTIME you engage a group, it will always have to be uplifting, period. So the only time you'll ever interact with toxic people is if they first acted and looked uplifting and then became toxic. But the program has a safety "eject" method for that scenario too. If a group that acts uplifting suddenly becomes or appears not EATUI (not engaging, accepting, trustworthy, uplifting, and intelligent) the the program automatically breaks the while-uplifting-conditional loop and defeaults to the "superficial_zero-to-low_energy_good-bye_hello_assertiveness_social_demeanor_milieu;"! Sweet, so it's first-time toxic foolproof, and uplifting to toxic foolproof and always-engaging-EATU foolproof, too! This is a great program! And very exciting!

METHOD for implementing this program: This MAIN while loop, will almost always be engaged unless your in wilderness or in some place with no other people. So right now, in my apartment, that program is not engaged, that loop is not engaged. The moment I see someone, get a phone call, ANY connection (visual, kinesthetic, auditory, olfactory, or gustatory) connection with a person and/or group, the program safety loop AUTOMATICALLY engages!

while (in ANY social phone call, place, interaction with other people) {
function superficial_zero-to-low_energy_good-bye_hello_assertiveness_social_demeanor_milieu() {
exhibit social behavior superficial_zero-to-low_energy_good-bye_hello_assertiveness_social_demeanor_milieu;
};
superficial_zero-to-low_energy_good-bye_hello_assertiveness_social_demeanor_milieu;
var exhibits_signs_of_EATUI = "group and/or person exhibits signs of being engaging, accepting, TRUSTWORTHY, and uplifting, and intelligent";
while (current group == exhibits_signs_of_EATUI || current person == exhibits_signs_of_EATUI)
{
engage my books, movies, energy, book ideas, and uplifting lifecoaching motivational energy.

engage comfort_mechanism;

if (group stops acting uplifting)
{
spontaneously cut bait;
break break;
}
}
}








Also about parents. Let's say they do only treat you "well" when you're low confidence, and treat you poorly when your highly confident. "###$ them"! They can have any warped system for maltreatment. I don't care! ###$ them! I won't forget their $#%^. but really, ###$ them! Don't see them anymore (atleast not untill september marry thing. possibly). I've been smart about parent relationships, like massive independence, but just a smidgen enough of seeing them a few time a year, to make being around them, not awkward. THEY HAVE caused mE UNHELPFUL INVALID problems, so ###$ them! devise criteria for when you just say "###$ them. and cut and run."

Parts of the body that you want to use (arms for surfing, dick for ######6, legs for running, pecs and triceps for pushups ) you should push blood to that area.

I've become aware of this UPLIFTING people (the life coach woman, the erika woman, and I think the mara woman) who just give and help you out OUT of their own good intentions. They don't scam and therefore aren't insecure. They're TRUE adults! Being financially independent is really an essential, but realistically, a VERY small part to adulthood. Giving, developing a system to oranize YOUR life (That effectively works for you) and the like is all key.

Things Happening in the World and in My Life That Are Congruent With My Beliefs and Interests!

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