help? any words of wisdom? heck I'll take anything.

um. ok, i've never posted these kind of things before. I'm new here.

I was amazed to find a community like this, there seems to be somewhere for everyone

To the point, I'm 18 years old and while I don't suffer from any problems personnaly my dad does. He's 56 and had, well some kind of nervous breakdown. He doesn't eat, wen he does he throws it back up. he's been forced to retire from his highly stressful job, which he hates as he's passionatly independant.

It's been around 3/4 months now since it all began. He has had two epileptic seisures, i think both were ionic clonic, not sure though.
i was the one who found himm on the kitchen floor and had no idea what to do. Hospital said nothing was wrong with him and sent us home. He suffers from hyper sensitivity from sound, light, pretty much anything. the hospital are still pending an MRI on his head to see if theres something wrong. It's been 3 months now.

Hes been through numerous physchologics, all of them are jrs who leave in 4 weeks anyways.

Thats a brief outline i guess.

My point of this is that, its come to the point where i feel completly drained. i just cant stand listening to him wretch up nothing but bile. watching him be too weak that hes falling over whilst refusing to go to hospitals and meetings, refusing to take his medication because it throws his body all over the place.
he acts like an 8-yr-old. One minute hes my dad the next he just refuses to admit somethings wrong and gets all childish.

All this just makes me wish, as unbelievably harsh as it is, that he'd just die. its currently 5.30am and ive been trying to drown out the wretching noises for ova 4 hours now.

I'm sorry this is so long. No idea if anyone will even bother to read this far. its just so complicated that it takes so long for someone to really understand. He just doesnt want to help himself. im sure he wouldnt care if i came home one day to find him crouched over the toilet dead.

I'm on my last legs now, everyone we ask for help he either pushes away or they just look at him as another person or another patient out of thousands. nothing gets done. and i dont care to try anymore because i know that dad wont try for himself.
fine if he wants to rot away in a messy house full of cat $#%^ and dead mice, but i still want to help him so i stay n watch him wretch n try to do something to help.

Would it b so cruel just to leave and never look back? i just want a normal family that doesnt walk into my room at night because he has no idea what hes doing. i feel so trapped.
is there anything anyone can suggest, because im all ears.

Thank you for reading this, sorry its so long. and probably off the point. i hope i posted it right and in the right area. sorry if it isn't.

lost_giant,

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been going through with your father. I really don't have any Idea what could be causing this and don't know if it is physical or emotional. But I do know that there are a lot of people on this site that have some great input and advice. It must be extremely hard to stay and help when you feel he doesn't want to help himself and I'm sure it is hard to be the only one who is trying to hold things together. Keep in touch and I hope things get better for you and for your father.

Hi Lost Giant

I hope you are still around.

I would suggest, if your Dad will go, attending A & E at your local hospital. You will need to explain what has been happening to him and what the symptoms are. Make it very clear how concerned you are.

Whether this is medical or psycological, if you can explain the symptoms that you have detailed here, he will be looked at, and in fact should be given an MRI and other tests rather than having to wait.

Other suggestions (if youre dad really wont entertain the idea of attending A & E with you) would be to contact your Dads GP, again explain the symptoms and tell them you are very concerned.

Have you any other adult relatives that can help you to try to get your dad to A & E or the GP? Get as much support as you can.

Keep pushing if you feel he is not getting the necessary tests.
Some people with some medical or psychological issues, truly dont realise how ill they are.

I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position at 18. It must be very worrying for you.

Good luck and please let me know how you get on.

Hi. I can't believe things have got this bad for you. This kind of thing just shouldn't happen anywhere. Just another thought on my part. It's possible that your dad's physical symptoms are brought on purely by his mental state. The fits could have been pseudo-fits (acted out by him in order to fulfill whatever his distorted reality requires). My wife has nursed both children and adults who pseudo-fit. Has he had an EEG? It's usual for this test to be carried out if epilepsy is suspected.

As for your own sanity, which must be pushed to the limits from the things you write, there must be young carers associations in your area. Social services should be able to point you in the right direction.

Hope things get better for you from here on in.

Good luck,

Mick.

lost giant,

I am sorry I have not read your post until now. I know when someone you have known all your life AND they are your parent, and they change into someone you dont understand or know that this is truamatic for all involved.

A few things really jump out at me. High Stress Job, Seizures,
body reject food, hypersensitive to light, sound, people, places.

Post-traumatic-stress, has all of this. It doesn't have to be a childhood trauma or like a car accident. Stress can build up alittle each day, until boom, your body and mind does not work the same, any more.

PTSD- can be just a horrible to watch, as it is to go through it yourself. I understand how monumental tasks seem to both you and him.

Since you live in the uk, I dont know the resources, but I understand you can not have a normal life and be his caregiver.
Someone else needs to be even in a medical inpatient.

Since he has had a seizure, that puts him down a different road than, people who suffer with PTSD. The doctors and psychs will look and test him differently. Sometimes the only way to get a dx from a psych doctor is through looking at symptoms.

Of course the medication after someone has a seizure is different,
doctors need to look at his history, hypersensitivity, not being able to digest food, anxiety.

I wish I could help you more. I understand what your dad is going through. And it does feel like your dying, and you want to give up.
Very Common, ptsd.

There is no physical bruise or cut that shows PTSD. It also can causes a psychotic break.

If he is sick and can not or will not take the meds maybe that is one way you can get some help.

I hope this helps somehow.

red

lost_giant,

My heart goes out to you....Pleeeeze hang in there. It sounds like you are about the only thing your dad has left in this world.

Unfortunately you're growing-up fast beyond your years, getting a sample of what bad things are out there. And having role reversal with your parent.

It does sound like your dad has PTSD and indeed suffered a psychotic break. Once your mind goes out that far it's very difficult to come back. You basically lose all control of your normal functions. He's probably fighting it, even though it doesn't seem like it to you. But it could take a few years for him to get his senses back (if he ever does). Try to imagine what kind of pain he's in. surely he would not be there on his own free will, probably half his suffering must be the guilt he feels about losing your respect and his diminished role of a father.

I suffer from PTSD, and I myself feel like I am on the verge of a break most of the time. I fight it with everything I've got, because I feel if I go there..I won't be coming back. I'm sure your dad is fighting for his sanity with everything he's got.

Just hang in there, if you can, clean the house and make your living environment as clean and peaceful as possible for both of you. It will help you both. Try keeping classical music on low in the back ground form your radio or the internet.

Thank you for being there for your dad, you're a very special person. Stay strong & please let us know how you're doing.