At my last will! Anyone please help

I'm at an all time low in life. I was recently diagnosed as off three months ago. I was having thoughts that I was gay, which ended up false and I wasn't. Then my next obsession was harm ocd and that went away. Recently my last thought was about solipsism-the fear of no one being real. In one part of my brain I realize it's stupid, but my brain can't shake the thoughts. I'm having suicidal thoughts, but I am not ready to die, but I hate suffering, so I just want to get better. I already have been visiting counsellors already and I take Zoloft 150 mg. it feels like when I think about my future it's just blank like my life is about to end . I was sent home from college from this. I almost was going to a psych facility for a week, until I realized that would make me worse and I would miss my parents. Everyone including my parents think I'm going to beat this Except me . I will be going to a outpatient facility tomorrow. Does anyone have any suggestions for me. This is tough thing I'm dealing with, I know I'll recover eventually, but doesn't seem possible now. It seems like my brain wants me to worry about it.

I wish I could have a concrete answer but I almost feel the same way as you do, though tour case seems more severe than mine. I can give you some words of encouragement coming from someone with an outside point of view.

First, you said everyone including your parents want to see you get better. That means EVERYONE sees something in you, something that perhaps you don't see. At least you have people around you that care. Hold on to them, you'll need reassurance from them as much as possible. They're real, they're there for you. You'll have to trust them with your life and they'll have to be ok with that if they wanna see you get better. It's fine, you're fighting a tiring battle and you cannot do it alone

Second, good job on the suidicidal thought being ignored. You say you don't want to die yet. That means you still got hope for the future. Hold on to it as thin as it might be.

Third, try and see if there is something you're good at or passionate at. Start by doing things with that, as insignificant as it may seem. It will help you take your mind off things and remember that you're doing something real.

Fourth, for me, whenever I have an anxiety attack, it helps to do the following: sit in your room. Spot 5 things you can see. Spot 4 things you can feel. Spot 3 things you can hear. Spot 2 things you can smell. Spot 1 thing you can taste. I don't remember if that's exactly how it goes but I do it anyway and it helps. It's supposed to help you ground yourself to reality. It might help with your problem, even if it was meant for a different sort of problem.

I really hope you can make it. I don't know you personally but it sounds like you're in good hands. I sure hope so. Get well.