Occupational Hope

My health sucks. I have internal bleeding, anemia, having surgery again tuesday, and a host of other medically unhappy issues going on internally.

Then there is the host of Mental problems, *see my introduction* but quick rundown leaving out some that haven't been fully diagnosed. Sensory Perception disorder (SPD), ADHD, Emotional vacancy (like minor sociopath, except even though I don't feel remorse, sadness, grief or guilt I know societies rules and follow them mostly.) And General Anxiety/Panic disorder. I actually just joined because i was told to by my shrink, to find a group I can talk to who might assist me in the ability to explain parts of me to the non-digital world.

I am engaged to an amazing woman who despite all my issues, she has learned how to work with them, and even help me with some. She will explain emotions that I don't feel, or why something would cause someone to feel that emotion, when in my head I just think it is was it is, and why be emotional over something out of your control, and that isn't going to change. I am exceptional at seeing the big picture along with every little detail of whats going on around me, but she has helped me understand what I thought was just illogical.

So after that for those left, sorry i tend to let my thoughts run. My hope is to find an occupation that will challenge me, one that I can enjoy for longer than a few months and not want to switch. I want a career, and to have an answer to what I want to do when I grow up. I have learned to live with my "issues" and at times use some of them like parts of my ADHD to my benefit. Thats it I just want to stay at one job and have it be something that I don't get bored with, or that I don't see something else and decide that looks better and run. I am not sure If i ever will find a calling or if I even have a true calling, but it seems like something that would remove a big portion of chaos, and bring a more stability to my life. I don't normally use the word "hope" but its what I think about a lot.

I hope your surgery goes well today!

I've never found the answer of what to be when I grow up. And I'm in my forties. I hope you do find an answer sooner than that. Also, sometimes callings need to be "grown into." A job might not be obvious at the start that it's right for you. But over time, because of how it develops. It may become the right thing. I'm thinking of the many jobs where people have to start at the "bottom" and work their way up. Just because they aren't doing their "perfect" job from the start. Doesn't mean they're not on the right path in the long term. It may also not be clear to them which way they are going. Think about all the people on the cutting edge in technology roles that weren't imagined 10 or 20 years ago.

Yeah I can get that, I got rescheduled till tomorrow. I guess my issue is between the adhd and impulse to find something that grabs me better. I don't know anyone just puts up with it, and hopes the end result is better.
Your logic seems pretty solid though and thanks for responding. I just don't know how anyone tolerates that much patience in the hopes the end result is their calling. To bad I can't be paid to just learn, I have this weird hyper focus when it comes to new information and learning. It's really funny to my fiancé, I have Adhd, social anxiety issues, sociopathic tendencies lacking in certain emotions, so basically don't understand the how's and whys of people emotions and behaviors, that my favorite things to study/learn are history and anthropology. Not sure it's ironic but seems close.

A lot of jobs do have continuous learning as part of the remit. Especially IT, teaching and medical jobs. Anything that is described as a career rather than a job, perhaps.

Also, I think many people only put together the story of their "calling" years later. It's narrating your life in such a way that it leads to that point. Whereas most of the time, I don't think people do know up front. It's like John Lennon said. Life is what happens when you are making other plans.


And the focus on history and anthropology don't seem at all weird to me. It seems like you'd have quite a dispassionate approach. Able to look at the topic more objectively than many. Which can lead to more insight than perhaps if someone were more emotionally involved.