How do you cope when someone tells you they don't love you a

Hey my name is Tree. I am 22 and I am braving one of the hardest moments of my life

A man I was in a relationship for almost two years told me he no longer loved me anymore back in May. I had never had someone tell me that. It wounded me severely... I don't really know what to do at this point. I know he didn't cheat, he just lost interest. In fact, he told me recently he had just gotten bored with the relationship. I could tell he was bored during and I tried to liven things up but I think he was just set on ending it and didn't really acknowledge my efforts.

Not even a month after that, I lost my older sister tragically to suicide. These months have primarily been used to coping with my sisters death. It kind of made me pause my feelings regarding the break up. After these months have passed, my feelings regarding my break up have resurfaced.

My emotions are in so much turmoil right now. I have accept my sisters passing and developed decent coping mechanisms to deal with my grief but I can't seem to shake my feelings of loss for my relationship. He was the first man I ever loved and allowed to be close to me.

Whenever I try to talk to a sort o counselor, they make me feel like $#%^ and ask me what makes me feel worse my sisters loss or my relationship (obviously the loss of my sister has been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with). I have had no support on dealing with this break up.

I wish I was stronger. Does anyone have good ways of coping with this kind of break up?

Tree, you are strong. I've been through breakups. But never the death of a sibling. And the fact that you're still putting one foot in front of the other is strength in practice. And something to give yourself credit for. Not everyone finds a way to do that.

Where you wrote "it made me pause my feelings." That makes perfect sense to me. Given more time, you could have processed the end of things. Gone through the natural feelings of loss. And be feeling, if not exactly "over" it. More settled about it being a healthy step for both of you. Because thinking through things like not wanting to be in a bad relationship. Wanting the person you love to be happy. Is not at all the same as feeling them.

I'd guess perhaps at the moment. It's difficult to get back in touch with those feelings of loss. Without it triggering strong emotions in general. There are some mundane steps which you might have done already. Defriend him on Facebook, Twitter etc. That helps put the relationship in the past tense. You could perhaps try writing a letter. Without sending! But that tells him how you feel about what he did. And if there are still reminders of him around. Pictures or gifts he bought. I'd suggest putting as many of them away as possible. At some time in the future, the feelings will have faded. And they might be happy reminders again. But for the moment, closure is good.

And the final thing. Is that the breakup does NOT say anything about you. It might feel like it does. But it says only something about him. That he found it "boring" is because he wasn't putting enough in. Not because you were boring in any way. It wasn't your responsibility to fix it. And the fact that you tried anyway is another thing to give yourself credit for. Ideally, this man would have been more open sooner. Rather than letting all that false hope play out. While he was too cowardly or indecisive to say what needed to be said. But it's done. And it's his loss. I wouldn't try to be reasonable or fair about it. In time, he might seem like less of a jerk. But at the moment, you are trying to get through real feelings. And being all rational about it makes that harder and slower. He is Chief Jerkface of the Clan McJerk. In my not entirely unbiased opinion. Other members of that clan include the "counsellors" you've seen. I'm sorry they weren't more supportive. That just isn't fair, on top of everything else.

Startreee, I am so sorry you had two huge losses back-to-back. I have had similar back-to-back losses. I know this may sound "cold" but in terms of the lost boyfriend, accept it, grieve it. It is also the loss of dreams and rather than grieve them, you may want to reassess those - they can still happen, but not with a man who doesn't reciprocate your love.
I got stuck trying to understand what happened. And I do mean stuck. I couldn't reconcile the words of love with the behaviors/actions before, during, and after the break-up. Then, I read an article with the words, "It wasn't real love." I started thinking about how a couple in love would behave and compared that to my experiences (redefining our history vs. honesty; silence and withdrawal vs. open communication, etc.). Finally the cognitive dissonance stopped. It was hurtful and sad to admit, but he didn't love me - based on actions. I finally saw it after much pain and wasted time.
If he said he doesn't love you - take him at his word. Don't waste your time wondering why. You will likely never know. You want your passion, commitment and intimacy reciprocated. He does not want to.

I had a boyfriend who I had a break up with and it left me very sad for a long time. It took years before I could put closure to it. Even though I would meet nice guys and we would be happy, I still hadn't put this relationship past me completely. I blamed myself a lot for the breakup. But now that it's been a long time and I have finally put closure to it, I can see that I was not just breaking up with him but I was trying to make good decisions in terms of where I wanted my life to go and my career. He was a risky person to be together with who would do drugs and would drink very much. I was not like that at the time. He scared me with that type of behavior. I did drink to excess after the break up and a while thereafter because of the breakup and it seemed because it seemed it was a good coping mechanism, but I was ruining my future. One thing that really helped was to listen to music. That helped me to realize what my feelings were and to acknowledge them. Then there was therapy. I've never really talked in much detail about this but after being in therapy for other things I've sort of used my self-help strong points to view this issue too.

I'm sorry to hear that. That is truly awful that you have to deal with the death of your sister and to deal with the loss of your relationship with your first love must be very difficult. I hope that you find the strength to carry on through the briefing process of your relationship. I can only tell you what I know about dealing with the loss of a relationship and it will sound a little cliche. But honestly after a good period of time has passed you will look back and see how far you have come.

The process after a relationship will be a day to day thing where you feel fine and then suddenly you will be completely sad. No one can really help you deal with it as much as you'd like them to. But if you try to think that perhaps it is better that you know that this wasn't the right person for you and that if he got bored and quit only after 2 years then he is doing you a favour. If you had continued on and he had been unfaithful that would have been a lot more painful. Or if you had children together, at least you know where his mind was and you weren't being led on.

there are certain things in life that we have to accept, and death is one of them. we can't negotiate a different outcome. it is what it is. relationships are not as clear cut as that. there's always the thought that something could have been different. and that makes it harder to accept when a relationship ends. everything comes to an end sooner or later. the thing to try to do is to remember what you gained from the experience rather than what you lost. in that way you can move on with your life and seek new and better experiences.

You gotta learn to enjoy your life the way it is now. I know it´s hard to lose a family member.
Sooner or later a new love might come into your life. You gotta spend time with your friends and give yourself the opportunity to meet new people.