living without hope for years

i been with out hope for years. i feel like a product of despair. i hate to think about my self.
im good aslong as i dont have to think about my self really.

i must have been at the bottom a long time since when i get hope wich is almost never and it gets crushed i realize i just feel normal again. can't be further down.

the ironic thing is that its just one problem. i supose i could say im succesfull evrywhere else in life.
but that dosen't help.

life just feels like an endless drag. wich is okey aslong as you dont think about it.

i actuly daydream alot about just floating in a black space. its calming.
the problem just tears me upp. and i tried soo much without any success.
my hearth gets restless beats.

but is there really hope when you can't do anything about it yourself.? and noone else can really do it for you.

altho before over a year i was completly nihilist nothing matered. altho it was caused by a physical diseas. soo it just put me back to my normal despair mode.

i failed and failed and succeded but when im soo far in with no hope it dosent really mather.

and well now this is also i cant really tell anyone. nr 1 would mean im alweys not really enjoying my self as much as it seems. and well not soo much funn beeing around someone if you know there not gonna improv. and soo it wouldnt really mather if i told them because theres nothing they could do about it.

and there is no way to really just lift it off my chest. i just bought myself this nice apartment in the city but it helped only a hour or soo. until i started thinking about my self. and if poltergeisters could really be made. then that would be one hell of a poltergeister. (since there made of negativity) and represed feelings.

soo is it the only way living with it to just dont think about my self?

Hi. You sound depressed but maybe you've got some other problems going on as well . You don't say.

If depression is the only problem you are dealing with then are you not having treatment. medication could probably lift you out of this.

Certainly i know what it is to feel hopeless like you describe though i don't live iwth it as a constant. I feel quite nihilistic when i'm depressed. It fits with my world view and my age. I have no reason to keep on living at my age - 49 single and no children. So im totally ok if my world were to end at any point in time.

However, i've just recovered from a bout of depressoin and no longer have these feelings of despair that you describe. I know they are still there in the back ground but that's it. They are in the back ground and i am not thinking along those lines at hte moment.

So get yourself some treatment. If you've never had antidepressants before, you should try them. I would recommend you get a prescription from a psychiatrist though as i am not convinced that gps do more than a hit and miss approach where as a psychiatrist could choose one that would better match your characteristics.

must be hard beeing 49 and no children. well my main problem is that i can talk to girls with out problem but i can't show any signs that i like them or flirt with them isn't that ironic.

its just lika a huge invisibil wall that chokes me. but what is this feeling that stopes me. well i dont feel anything just can't show it in any way. soo i feel doomed to be left alone.

altho it feels like i could succed at anything. exept that. and im really young only 21.
have this great apartment im going to move into. this great job wich im pretty much garentied to have the rest of my life if i want to. and not overweight or anything like that. doing great economic.

and its not just going to randomly happend since i only have 2 friends wich are guys.

and im going to be the best man lather this year wich just feels kinda eh. can't even be happy for others that way because of what the whole thing is. and the bride sister is going to be there. someone i used 2 weeks sending this sms to. to say that i wantet to talk to her. and then using 10 minits saying i liked her. probebly said like 5 times to just forget it and it wasn't anything.

and soo i and her sister is going to share this room at this hotel.
but i just feel like i dont care anymore.

Quantum physics states we change reality simply by observing it (double-slit experiment et al.) When we feel hopeless we're imagining the absence of hope, 'seeing' it. So perhaps the trick to having hope is imagining it's there whether you believe it or not. If you can visualize how hope might manifest itself, you're effecting whether it's really present or not.

We never had a nuclear war with the Soviets despite a profound lack of hope in the 80s. So just because things look bleak we've been through much worse. Thus there's always room for hope.

"Hope may be the denial of reality, but it might also be the thought that for every step a monster takes towards us, those who will fight it have run two."

Dear aradalv,

You are not alone when you think about this. Everyone in the world has their own dilemma's they are going through and many people in the same boat as you. For a while, I myself lost hope in myself and what was possible to do with my life.
The problem we all have is we are our own worst critic. We worry so much about how we dress, act, and speak that we don't take the time to live! I used to be terrible with social interaction, but after putting in the conscious effort to acknowledge my problem and promise to change myself, I feel so much better about my life.
The thing I have come to learn is that change can be extremely scary, but it is necessary. You will need to face the fact that in order to change your life to the one you want, you have to give up all the things that are not working for you. That means friends that aren't helping you get to new places and help you grow, old habits and hobbies, and your old beliefs. This is the first step in order to change. Once you do this, you can begin anew.
In every great life, there has been a great renunciation. Change can only happen when the past dies, and I know you can become the person you want to be because I used to be in the same situation. Life was meant to be lived!

Hello,

I have never felt any hope or happiness in my life. I had a very rough childhood and can never remember being happy. I just tend to go through life on cruise control and try not to feel any emotion. I have a few people that I let myself get close to but can't understand how to interact on a personal level with everyone else. I'm thankful for the few people I open up to because they make me feel what it must be like to have normal relationships.

aradalv wrote:must be hard beeing 49 and no children. well my main problem is that i can talk to girls with out problem but i can't show any signs that i like them or flirt with them isn't that ironic.

its just lika a huge invisibil wall that chokes me. but what is this feeling that stopes me. well i dont feel anything just can't show it in any way. soo i feel doomed to be left alone.

altho it feels like i could succed at anything. exept that. and im really young only 21.
have this great apartment im going to move into. this great job wich im pretty much garentied to have the rest of my life if i want to. and not overweight or anything like that. doing great economic.

and its not just going to randomly happend since i only have 2 friends wich are guys.

and im going to be the best man lather this year wich just feels kinda eh. can't even be happy for others that way because of what the whole thing is. and the bride sister is going to be there. someone i used 2 weeks sending this sms to. to say that i wantet to talk to her. and then using 10 minits saying i liked her. probebly said like 5 times to just forget it and it wasn't anything.

and soo i and her sister is going to share this room at this hotel.
but i just feel like i dont care anymore.

I think your mind is trying to complicate a simple problem, you probably just don't want to admit to yourself that without having a girlfriend you can't feel happy, a lot of men are like that, they don't enjoy anything if they don't have a girlfriend in their life. When you say you don't want to think about yourself because you get depressed what you mean is that it depresses you to think about the things that yourself needs that you don't have and the main thing you don't have is a girlfriend.

I have also lived without hope for the majority of my life and I am about to let you in on a little 'secret' which may help you.

We all have expectations and goals - even negative and depressed people have them - "I wish I didn't feel like crap every day"..."If only there was a way out of this" and we hope that some external force will come along and be our 'savior' - whether you are religious or not.

We try to make our lives 'better' by doing things others tell us, or that we know we should be doing...and we may spend a month or two trying to make all these 'positive changes in our lives', but we are only digging our grave much deeper when we go; "well, okay...I see that made no difference here, so let's try something else" and we carry on this process of trial and error for years...and with every effort, every hope and expectation, comes the corresponding failure and bitter disappointment.

On and on this goes, until we totally 'give up hope'. It is called learned helplessness - like when a once chained up elephant can now be held on the spot by a strand of cotton. They can break that strand of cotton any time they want, but to them, it's still a chain.

When you 'learn helplessness', you somehow have to 'unlearn it' and the starting point is to realise you are in this vicious cycle, but you have the power within to break out of it at any time. It's only your disappointment and frustration that's holding you there, so learn how to do things without worrying how they are going to turn out and don't get too upset if they don't turn out the way you expected them to - either learn to expect nothing, or learn to expect the negative, so that when something positive happens, you can appreciate it more that expecting the positive and getting negative only.

Once you give up trying to control your life and fighting with those forces that are totally beyond your control (a.k.a the will of others), then hope shall return and it will not be tinged with any expectations or investment vs reward.

When Pandora's box opened, every human emotion and desire escaped...greed, love, anger, sorrow, pity, intolerance, indifference...all except one...Pandora managed to close that box before hope could escape, because it always 'springs eternal' and refreshes itself.

All the best on your journey.

Haha I wrote a lomg heart felt text only to find out some time limit had deleted it for good.

My bad I need to write off line and then do cut and paste instead.

To make a very long story short.

Yes for some they do learn dysfunctional patterns
but other don't have these inner resources despite
that every "expert" telling them that they do have them.