serious question to nons

i honestly cannot believe that even a non can do love.
i mean, yea unlike pds who change after 6 month, 1 year, 2 year,
you nons seem like, can be consistednt for about a few years more.

but listen to all those kind of jokes about marriage,
after 3 months, you get sick of each other, love kind of disappears, starts fights,
and you think marriage is a grave/hell

so, do nons can really love? in what sense?

you mean you can hold love/affection toward your partner for 20 years, 30 years,
really? can you love one person like that? REALLY?

real? isn't it just 'living together without abusing/cheating on the other part bc of empathy'
that is only different from pds? but both non and pds, unable to do any kind of 'love' that ppl dream of

Love is not a passive thing that you find and pick off a tree, at least not past 2-3 years. No, love is that fruit, but if it is to germinate and grow into a mature tree then it must be carefully tended, watered and fed. In short, if love is to survive past a few years a lot of work is required. Any relationship counselor will confirm this.

It is true many Non relationships fall apart because the participants didnt know themselves or they dont know how to compromise, to give to the other.

Of course there are many sanctions against marriage and family (economic being the greatest), which doesnt help.

Your observation that a lot of Non love affairs last only a few years longer than ones with one or more PD's only confirms that PD's just exhibit extreme versions of normal behavior. Remember there are sub-clinical occurences of PD's: HPD or NPD traits, and just because some Non's screw up this does not mean dysfunctional behavior is more normal - or less painful, especially for people with PD's.
PD relationships are usually far more ephermal, an PD's usually suffer to much deeper degrees - that's why they are considered a more significant mental health problem than the temporary episodes associated with Non divorces, etc.

Y-girl,

I've been with my second wife since 1975, and we do love each other very much!

It's more like best friends now!

We're in our 60's and life has been pretty good.

yyy -

I think a key difference is that NONs are more focused on the love, and relationship as it is now, not on the possibility it might fail 10, 15, 20+ years from now. For those who are emotionally focused on the possibility of failure (i.e., fear of abandonment), it's not surprising they test, push, try to make the end happen while it's still under their control.

p.s. It applies to so much of what we do in life. If we go in focused on failing, or assuming we're bound to fail anyway, odds are we will. If we go in focused on success, and enjoy what we're doing now, while it's no guarantee of success, the odds improve, PLUS, and more important, we get to enjoy the now. Unfortunately cluster B types are often stuck looking for a perfect, unconditional love, likely due to parenting, possibly due to their perceptions or both, and as a result, never find it (nor can they give it). We humans are just not perfect, and that's okay.