Non-HPD Healing from Shock, Distress, & Constant Deception

Hello everyone.

First off I'd like to say that I am new to this forum, but I have been reading threads on it for a couple years now.

I want to thank those brave enough to step up and dissect the HPD behavior and lifestyle has my own experiences with an HPD friend has hurt me so profoundly that still to this day I am spiritually and soulfully perplexed, distressed, and at an awful loss for trust. Lest to say, it is still difficult for me to comprehend how an HPD could operate on such a self-serving level, especially one who claims to be Christian and spends a great deal building up her reputation. But from what I read so far, I have come to acknowledge that HPD's have deep-seated psychological disorders that provokes an incredibly depth of narcissism stemming from jealous insecurity and an dysfunctional emotional health that causes the HPD to make impulsive decisions across a spectrum of high-operating cunningness, victim mentality, attention seeking behavior, grandiose-condescending behavior, twisting truths and evidence, propensity to create unnecessary high-conflict drama, and inability to see the consequences or genuinely empathize.

I have been humiliated, taken as a fool and strung along their toxic, intentionally crafted game of manipulation disguised as friendliness. It pains me to only realize now that I have afflicted self-injury by sharing my thoughts, feelings, and companionship with this HPD–-who I have constantly forgiven, blindly-kindly looked past their acts of selfishness and considered them BOTD (Benefit Of The Doubt), but was treated as a second class friend, especially in my lowest time, the HPD listened for a minute, began to feel uncomfortable, and immediately changed the subject back to her, telling me I needed to "lighten up" before ditching me from her life and carried on partying...despite how rigorously I have been there to listen, comfort, console, and do my best to lift her spirit's up...which at times, took many months and many hours thinking of ways to help my "friend".

Based on my observance of her behavior about certain people, I knew something was strange and off but decided not to think too much about it. It wasn't until one day I found out from her church sisters how distorted, scheming, envious, and bullying this HPD truly was. She had hid this well from me. Her friendliness was nothing but a way to gain entry into someone's life. Once she got in she seized them up and then behind their backs, spewed the nastiest lies about them, especially at other women who were friends with her crush, whom she has painted a negative picture of because he refused to date her. My HPD friend accused me of being jealous and irrational when I confronted her with evidence about her behavior, the damage it's causing, and her need to own up to her consequences. She has also hurt the mutual friends we share with her self-glorifying, superficial behavior and shoddy treatment / constant gossip and lying of those who have been nothing but kind, accepting, nonjudgemental, and non-negative. And when we had come to a point of forgiveness and application of peace, she tried manipulating us again by "correcting" us, without letting the other one know what she was doing, but we eventually banded together and found out. It's a sad shame but our mutual friends I have cut this high-strung HPD out of our lives. The years of deception still continues to burn deep, but we're trying out best to move on with our lives, constantly praying for those who are vulnerable to her dishonest, fantastical and fictitious idea of friendship.

Please don't tell me that I should have not "confronted" the HPD. I did not know she was at the time and besides, everyone has a right to confront someone who is causing some serious stress and damage in people's life. Learning about HPD's have slowly quelled by bitterness at the shamelessness and stress that HPD has imposed on my life, but it's still a long process in which Non-HPDs like me have to go.

Thanks for reading.

she sounds like an N
not a H,
that's all I can say but
it's nicer to post in hpd forum than npd forum
bc ppl here are more ... deeply interested in pd issue
and good luck,
i personally think nons were meaner to me than i was to them

you think nons are normal?
oh no, i can remember 99.9% nons in my class bullying someone all the while i grow up
empathy? i have more empathy than them in a way,
i believe

Renegade
Good post. Congrats for expressing your anger, frustration, and pain.
It doesnt really matter if she was more HPD, NPD, or a combination of the two (Vivacious HPD, or see 'the good girl narcissist' posts by Marg Harris in the NPD forum)...abuse is abuse.
Sometimes Nons are the victims of HPD's; sometimes HPD's are abused by Nons (when uncovered at school,etc.) and sometimes HPD's are themselves victimized by other PD's -NPD's and AsPD's.
Although the qualitative nature of all these abusive scenarios differs, it's all still painful and damaging to someone. No one should have to suffer in silence...everyone has the right to describe and protest abuse.