reason why hpds get to dislike you and can't date u anymo

i was reading a book, a general psychology book
and it explained about 'love'.

People fall in love with someone who is similar to them,
not only appearance wise but also personality,values etc
that is BECAUSE if you have similar personality/opinions/ etc
you can relate more, understand each other better, can bond

so what happens is, at first you fall bc of the appearance,
but the relationship is bound to end quickly if you realize that personality/value/beliefs wise you are not so close to each other

AND nons are so different from PDs inside wise,
outside wise, yea same human, speak human language, but inner world is too different
and what I specifically mean by this is,

1. I get to hate a man I idealized when he shows his affection toward his parents and family and even friends.

something like this, small things that make me realize that he and I, that we are too different,
make me hate him secretly (and openly) more and more til one day i break up with him(which happens quite quickly)

why do pds attract each other like some magical magnet? bc they are quite similar inside! outside look wise you can't distinguish them in society, but inside they are similar!

but then two HPD will be perfect couple? NO
why?
because the second requirement for long lasting love according to this book issss difference!
that makes a couple complementary to each other,

SO you know,
hpds are like 1~2% of entire population,
and the chance which they get to date a normal man without PD is like.. let's say 90% (which is, most of the cases probably, THUS resulting in, disastrous, nonharmonius relationship- too much personality gap)
so let's say 5% of man have some PD thus similar inner world like a hpd girl
thus a hpd girl doesn't have to hate him day by day because of immense difference in personality...
but then among those 5% only 1% would be also 'complementary' to a hpd girl personality wise,
(and also has matching look/status/age etc)

so
i just want to say,
there is possibility for a hpd to have good relationship with a man if only, she can find a right guy,
wolf should date a wolf, not a sheep.
it's just harder for hpd girls to find a matching partner compared to nons girls(it's easier for hpds to find just any male 'partner' but incredibly hard to find 'persoanlity wise matching' partner)


Covert Ns can have resonably good relationship with Ns, they fit each oher well personality wise,
so why wouldn't hpds have some personality type that's fitting?
Just nons.... literally 'normal guy'... i can't deal with him, hpds can't deal with him,
of course we do unerstand that such a person is very nice, he might have crush on me etc
but this TREMENDOUS gap between us,
can't cross it.

yYyYy wrote:i
wolf should date a wolf, not a sheep

I get what you're saying, it makes sense on some level.


For my own life, though, I'd like something better. I have dated personality disordered men, and it's been disastrous. Sure, they were my longest relationships; but empty. I'm tired of the head games with disordered men, it's always a freaking battle of who can manipulate who.

I've dated two ASPDs( 1, & 3 years together), one malignant narcissist (3 hellish years together), and one normal guy (5 months together). Which one do you think I found most fulfilling? The NON. I have never felt pure innocent love like this before. It was heaven. I sabotaged and ruined the relationship (I am disordered afterall) but I learned that there is better out there.

Maybe next time when I meet someone nice, I will allow myself to be loved

nononono i am not suggesting anyone to date narc of aspd
thatis stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
may be mild avpd, spd, dpd...
or even better, sometone without pd but not too normal, and i mean normal like...
a boring normal man who is not different from any other man next to him personality wise

yYyYy wrote:nononono i am not suggesting anyone to date narc of aspd
thatis stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
may be mild avpd, spd, dpd...

Hmmmm, that might work.
Might be hard to find a spd type that isn't repelled by an hpd though.
Dpd would be too much of a pushover for me. I like my men strong.

I dated a HPD once, we had a great time for a few months. Then we got mutually bored. Then we moved on.
I don't think a HPD and a HPD can make a long haul together. The trust issues alone were staggering as I recall.

On a separate note, I was going over some of the OLD threads I used to be part of, like the stuff when you were new here YYYY and went through a name change or three. I'm glad to see you're still here, your sense of humour is oddly entertaining and is a nice reminder of how we used to have it here.