Narcissistic Vs Histrionic Attention

OneRinger wrote:
The consensus is that it varies from individual to individual.
There is a lack when it comes to showing emotions that is obvious to anybody.
What happens inside is trickier due to the inability to compare and the subjectivity of emotions. It seems likely that there are less emotions compared to the norm, I think that would be safe to say.

But everybody has some feelings and emotions, otherwise they would most likely be dead. It is a question of degree. And I think the lack is mostly towards positive emotions.

xdude wrote:Who knows though, that might all be just the same thing on a continuum from wanting a relationship but risk avoid-ant, to self-denial and risk avoid-ant, to really not wanting (risk is moot, since such a person does not want a relationship). Still, we can wonder. What came first? The lack of want of a relationship?, or is the person so risk adverse, their ego so fragile, that they systematically turned off feelings of want to protect themselves? After all, what we don't want doesn't hurt if we don't have it. Perhaps due to their experiences, they learned over and over that relationships are painful? Hard to know if the person is not able or willing to share their inner experience with others.

xdude wrote:GreatM -

Awesome insights

No answers but great insights into what is possibly going on.

xdude wrote:

Greatem wrote:http://www.psychforums.com/narcissistic-personality/topic97036.html

Greatem wrote:NPD need reassurance they are better, while HPD need reassurance they are worth something?

Thought this was a great way to put it.

When you come to see what underlies the outward persona, it's not very complex. Both are simply reacting to their own lack of self-esteem. When you see it clearly, both NPD types and HPD types are very predictable in how they'll react to nearly every interaction with others, as well as their perception of others they observe (e.g., in movies/tv, strangers in public, etc)

If someone threatens their ego, they'll react. An ego threat can come in the form of someone of the same sex who is more attractive, wealthier, someone with a greater talent, etc. Their can also be ego threats from someone of the opposite sex, but typically the opposite sex is a potential source of resources/ego-strokes, so is less threatening. For example, put the other person down; talk about how they are better; minimize the other person's accomplishment; just generally dislike the other person; see through the other person's manipulation; they'll feel strong anger even hatred for the other person in general; etc.

If someone boosts their ego or is a potential source of ego boosts or resources, they'll react. For example, idolize the other person; feel warm feelings toward that go beyond what is based on reality; feel the other person is a 'friend' or even fantasize there is a deep spiritual bond; treat the other person with excess preference (even at the expense of other friends which are not in the spot-light in the moment); they'll feel elated even 'instant' love; etc.

To a degree we all do this, but it's less extreme in people who have a good sense of self-esteem. People with a good sense of self-esteem are less reactive to their own lack of self-esteem, so less reactive others around them. They are less likely to feel such extremes of emotions when their ego is threatened, or built-up. You see, people with a good sense of self-esteem are also able to see past 'BS' and are more aware when they are just being 'buttered-up'. People with good self-esteem tend to take longer to warm up to others because simply stroking their ego isn't that moving. A long-term, trust-worthy relationship is though. People with good self-esteem know that anyone can fire off a line of BS or an ego stroking line, but to actually be long term concerned, committed, trust-worthy; those relationships are relatively rare and are truly valuable.

Imagine constantly being caught up in your own inner world, a never ending monologue, reacting to perceived ego threats/ego boosts. When you see past the persona, that's what I see now when I look at people who are suffering from HPD/NPD (and nothing one says will change that thinking process, the only thing that can break the tape loop is to address the core issues, the lack of true self-esteem).


As you pointed out, the difference is that the NPD types focus more on being 'better' than others (e.g., work accomplishments), which in a sense makes their ego building somewhat less dependent on others, and more stable. People with HPD seem to be more dependent on moment to moment ego strokes from others, and my personal opinion is, are closer to the BPD side of the spectrum.

On the other side, are the ASPD types who seemingly protect their fragile egos by shutting off big portions of their feelings for/from others entirely. Seeing everything as a kind of game, an emotional place where they can't be hurt.