the grass is greener..........

With an HPD or an NPD............


Why do they so frequently drop someone and go after a new person?


Is it because the grass looks greener?


Or because they just get bored with the one they have?

Right, it's called devaluation, due to

(1) Boredom
(2) Hyper-idealism...rejection because the flesh and blood man doesn't measure up to the knight and shining armor that lives in the HPD's fantasies
(3) Conquest: once they got a guy by the heart some feel there's nothing left to do
(4) Fear of a real relationship and love, due to fear intimacy, fear of facing the HPD PD within themselves, or

(5) a combo of some, or even all the above.

Maybe some of the Forum HPD's can say why, according to their own accounts:

i will say DIRECTLY
it's not because someone is BETTER than someone, it doesn't matter whether grass is green or withered

all the new relationship spark thing is so exciting!

i guess it's the feeling of validation,
VALIDATION
VALIDAITON
that feeling when you make someone to like you more and more and more and more and more

just you meet this new guy,,, and he is attracted to you, you can feel it,
and yo uwant to ipmress him ore and more and more and morea nd more and more and more

your bf doesn't get surprised anymore by your some sort of... story he already knows or anthing
but this new guy,
uh oh feeling of validation and
the fun
i guess that's it
like no matter how good something is, it gets boring
i am that kind of person
NO MATTER HOW PERFECT MY BF IS
I can ditch him
it seems so.... wrong when you say everytime your ex chose someone cuz he is better in somethings
it's not really that
don' think like that

Thanks, big-O, and y-girl!


Mine did go crazy for the new "validation"......... your right.


And as soon as he just used her.......

And then tossed her out............

she was in-validated........

And came back to me.

But soon repeated the same mistake, with another guy.

i have had this plan of having a blog about HPD and relationships....based on my experiences
i recorded simple moments in my relationship
like
'when he says this, i get offended(even though i am not supposed to) and i react mean'
'when i say this, and when he reacts like this, i feel satisfied'
'i feel like i want to cheat in this case'

for example, i always had this.. flirting and inappropriate stuffs with other guys
and you know when i stopped it?
it was when it became clear that i don't have any forced 'responsibility',
my bf said, i can do those things, that it is okay, even though he gets hurt kind of,
that i can still do those 'inappropriate things' and keep the relationshp with him

seriously at the point when that became clear
i suddenly lost my interest in all the fllirting and cheating stuffs
like, really. interest, gone! within a second. and this can be explained

hpds cheat, to avoid responsiibility, responsibility is the thing of ... grown ups,
it's not something for little girls like us who want to avoid being grownups
so we cheat,(according to some book i read. i guess it was yudovsky's book)

so it's simple
when there's no responsibility, we lose the reasons to cheat unless it's some special case
and then next it's important to know that your bf still dosn't want you to cheat
like, if he completely doesn' care, then it means he doesn't love you,

when we are so much under pressure of responsibility thing
we don't have space in our mind to care about your bf's feeling or whatever
it's only after when responsibilities are lifted
we can sort of care about you

Mine said she never really wanted the other guy.........


And her friend said she cheated........"for fun".


So, to her it was like a hobby.........I guess.


Messing around with guys, like a sport.

BUT.........

BUT.........

If that one guy had treated her right.........

I think he would have been my replacement.

I think it's excitement of the chase. I get bored with someone (even friends) once I've got them and want to move on and find something more interesting and new.

Ironically, even someone with HPD is not okay with others feeling "I'm bored with you now". That's why we can objectively call it disordered thinking.

I've seen the hyper idealism mentioned above with my HPD friend. She hyper idealizes everything: Men, jobs, even the cars she buys. "It's the best on the market. You can't beat this engineering. They are known for being superior at x,y,z" As soon as that man, job or car fails to live up to her hyper-idealized vision she wages a full-on campaign as to why it's a piece of sh*t.

As soon as the car needs to go the garage, she trades it in for something more superior. Men and jobs are the same.

It's one extreme to the other. There is no gray area.

I wonder if it's about credibility and validation. If something is superior and it's validating her, then that validation is more credible. When that source of validation fails to be superior, the validation she receives from it isn't as credible. She seems to personalize it as a rejection and then she does a 180 and discredits and devalues.

Atrium, your friend sounds like me. My first therapist wanted to diagnose me as having BPD, but then I switched T's and my new T thought I didn't fit the criteria for BPD. Looking at the symptoms of HPD, I think I fit that category more.
I totally understand the feelings of hyper idealization and devaluation. If something is good, it's the best and if it isn't the best, it's horrid. I do it with my jobs, with possessions I buy, and with friends and men and women. Whoever I like at the moment is the greatest person to ever live and anyone else is utter sh*t. It's a terrible way to go through things, especially once you are aware that you do it. It hurts me to know that I devalue people at the drop of the hat.