hpd talking about cheating

nons here talk about hpds cheating
and you know what.... hpds lack ability to describe something logically with detail
so it seems like hpds can't really deliver their opinions on it well
and this time i have to try to argue

cheating... our cheating+going back after breaking up is like........... unintentional(?!)
everyone start to blame me and i am like 'what is everyone takling about ?! ?!'

1. ummm...... when i was in high school i had a boyfriend, and i tried to break up with him but he didn't want to break up with me, so i flirted with his best friend, expecting that would make my bf to break up with me and then my bf's best friend wanted to date me, which was surprising to me(i flirted with him yes, but i never predicted the result of it,like not at all) and i answered 'ummm.... i'd think about it'(i didn't like both of them, and was just thinking about how to break up with my bf) and later my bf blamed me for cheating and that he was hurt and i was like '?????????'
it seems like i always had 0 understanding of that other person likes me. so that he could be really hurt if i do certain things. like, i never ever imagined such possibility, not at all.

2.what always happens , i break up with bf with significantly hurting him, and go back to him.(I don't do it anymore) in one case, it was out of 'empathy'; my ex seemed sad so i'd go back to him, but again i'd escape, but still he seemed unhappy so i'd again go back to him, this repeated like 10 times. then ppl said i'm playing with him, so i was like WTF? I am being fully empathetic?

in another case, the other ex, he didn't persuade me to come back, but i just repeated the same behavir. break up-> goes back -> break up and it WASN'T INTENTIONAL, seriously, it was like AUTOMATIC ACT like ROBOT as if i am hypnotized or something. i didn't think, i didn't plan, i didn't understand anything, i just did it without thinking. so when my ex said 'are you playing with me?' i was so shocked, cuz i really never had any kind of intention/understading at all with my behavior. but after hearing that i realized, my behavior is something WRONG, looks like i'm playing with him
idk why i act like that.

3.when i needed to achieve something, i'd do it through the seduction. then i had no understanding of that what i am doing is 'seduction' PLUS there's other ways which i can use than 'seduction' i remembe being LARGELY shocked when someone called me out for it. i was discussing over something with a girl and i said 'i should first charm that guy, and make him to do it, and then...' and then she said 'why do we have to use THAT WAY?'
and i was SO SHOCKED, (THAT WAY? OMG, What I tried to do is SEDUCTION PLUS,i didn't NEED TO do it that way, there are other ways too, i can survive without using seduction and manipulation, to realize that i was really really so shocked and talked about it to counsellor. it was before i was diagnosed with HPD

4. anyway the thing is,
cheating behaviors, and going back etc it happens AUTOMATICALLY
when i was called out for it, i felt like, suddenly woke up from hypnotization,
'WHY DID I DO THAT?' :OOO 'I'M WEIRD'

Hello.

Why did you block me? Also it seems you go into a lot of relationships with people you don't actually love. Meaning it could end very badly, especially for a HPD.

At first I dated any guy cuz ppl expected me to have a boyfriend.

And Then I dated a nice guy who made me to experience little bit of real feeling of fondness in relationship. it started accidentally and not seriously like every other cases but he was a likable guy so. innocent and, rly kind, though it went all the same, i hurt him, broke up with him, and dramas etc etc

and then i fell for aspd/npd. this time i learned REAL LOVE(?!) I fell for him SERIOUSLY
for the first time in my life i learned how to have emotional relationship. i was so endlessy attracted and i enjoyed dominant/submissive relationship. but it went all the same, i hurt him, my attitude toward him significantly changed, and break up...

then i got hpd diagnosed and realized, i should date ppl i like.

and next i learned that in mature romantic relationship, u don't need dominance/submission thing.
a

Y-girl,


I love your posts. You try to help explain.


My exHPD also says she was automatic like a robot.


Either way I couldnot forgive her treating me like dirt, and seducing new guy

right after we got "married".

A-MAN
do you ask God if why, did he make your life s*ck?
or do you sometimes think if why your life s*ck so much?
cuz i think about it.
but you know... we... should .....

i watched a movie 'mary and max'
and it's based on real story
and their lives suck really. reallyrlly suck
i recommend you to watch the movie cuz i can't explain well.
both get f*cked up so often.

both suffer from mentalillness, girls parents were thief, alcholic, etc and die pathetically and she get dumped by her husband and she's got nothing, never had friend or anything all the while she grow up, her face have weird problem, man's parents suicided when he's young and he has never had girlfriend or friend or anything til he dies at 64 and he is severely obese and always poked fun at and hell lonely, got asperger, no good job ETC, anyway

the girl tries to suicide then she gets saved by an old man who lives across the street,
an old man who lost his legs in the war(japanese locked him in a cage and his legs were eaten by piranyas) and suffe rfrom acraphoibia? can't go outside of house,
he finally overcomes it after like 60 years and come to her house and... saved her

and she goes to meet the asperger man(they are penpals) after 20 years of friendship(they were each others' only friends) and the man was dead and his room's walls were full of the letters she sent her

and WHAT SURPRISED ME IS

the real person of the girl character said,
'I THANK GOD FOR HAVE LET ME TO CHOOSE MY FRIEND'
she THANK = APPRECIATE GOD FOR HER LIFE
REGARDLESS OF EVERYDAMN THING THAT HAPPENED!

and i can't understand her, i think 'may be cuz she wasn't so beaten/abused by her parents? she can be still hopeful? May be since she isn't too ugly? may be she doesn't have PD gene which make you suffer from narcissitic injury?'


i think hope(being happy) exist only for Nons
but not for PDs

yYyYy wrote

and next i learned that in mature romantic relationship, u don't need dominance/submission thing.

That is a healthy perspective yYyYy. Good to meditate on

BTW just bought a copy of "Mary and Max." Sounds like a good movie.

Mary and Max - great movie, very optimistic and uplifting.

Y-girl, I find your posts fascinating. What do you think of the idea that the HPD unconsciously seeks revenge on everyman she becomes 'invoved with'? ('my love is vengence' - 'Behind Bue Eyes' - The Who)

It is only realy now that I have realised that through my contact with my HPD that over the two years we were together we broke up four times and two of them she went with one of her fan club- but she denied this. But based on gathered facts almost from the horses mouth i found this to be true. I do not think its the revenge, I found its the protection, my HPD would always ask to be protected but that is a full time job. The attention she gained from other avenues was enough for her to mistake it for love. Once that did not work out she seemed to come back to me-which usually involved some form of drama to pull on my heart strings.
Its chasing the rainbow for HPD's, the grass is always greener on the other side. I forgive my HPD because of her condition but will not forget the pain so it puts me in a good place, but is also sad as I can see her stiil seeking for something that does not exist or is harmful to her.

yYyYy wrote:At first I dated any guy cuz ppl expected me to have a boyfriend.

And Then I dated a nice guy who made me to experience little bit of real feeling of fondness in relationship. it started accidentally and not seriously like every other cases but he was a likable guy so. innocent and, rly kind, though it went all the same, i hurt him, broke up with him, and dramas etc etc

and then i fell for aspd/npd. this time i learned REAL LOVE(?!) I fell for him SERIOUSLY
for the first time in my life i learned how to have emotional relationship. i was so endlessy attracted and i enjoyed dominant/submissive relationship. but it went all the same, i hurt him, my attitude toward him significantly changed, and break up...

then i got hpd diagnosed and realized, i should date ppl i like.

and next i learned that in mature romantic relationship, u don't need dominance/submission thing.

Dear Y-girl,

This is the story of my life . This is what happened with my last Ex (the love of my life). WE started a Dom-Sub relationship, he became obsessed. I cheated on him sending pics of me naked to another ex cause I felt so suffocated, and I truly believed that I could never please him. He wanted more submission, he treated me like a child. Couldn't talk to anyone without making him jealous etc. Now I have hurt him so badly and feel so guilty... bah.

Ms. Hyde

yYyYy and Ms Hyde; can you give your experience of the sub/dom relationship you experience. Liked the bit about being treated like a child. Think this is where HPD's get stuck in development ?