From hell...ring a bell?

nah i dont...plus I dont know you so who knows, maybe you're just some N trying to take advantage of people on these boards!! (joke)

Yeah all joking aside though it is a shame how our experiences with them cause us to first mistrust others before being able to trust them.

General_knox wrote:I dont want a RELATIONSHIP with this b****, I just want to destroy her...know what I mean? Can you FEEL the intense HATE as I do right now? All the bs man...all the lies...getting me to doubt myself...all the gifts I got her...#@$% arrggggg

All my instincts are telling me to just "let it go" but my inner rage is yelling : pay back time. Man, I even am thinkig of ...well...i dont know...geeze I scae myself by saying this but Id love to actually end her life, so to speak...is this normal reaction...like Im acually thinking of it..

Can anyone relate to "that" reaction?

I can. Completely. I understand everything you are feeling (the rage, hate, anger, sadness, shock, confusion, pain, hurt, foolishness), everything you want to do, and everything you WILL do and everything you WON'T do.

And I'm not unique. Other's on this board understand as well - KontrollerX from the Motor City and rcd for instance, and novaseeker. Read their stories and learn.

First and foremost, I'm sorry. You have my respect, you have my condolences. It just makes me sad another person has to go through the nightmare. But you will come out a better and more learned person, trust me.

Second, read as much as you can about HPD and the trials and tribulations of the many people who have experienced such a sick, twisted individual with HPD and how they have dealt with it. My guess is that their stories will be similar to yours, and how they dealt with it will be similar to you.

Third, I suggest you talk w/people about it - close friends/relatives and/or a professional. I really recommend you add a professional to your closet full of confidants. 'Cause friends/relatives really are not qualified and won't be able to help you in the ways a professional can. Everything about someone's actions afflicted with this sickness is so unbelievable and surreal and illogical your friends/relatives won't understand fully how to help. Like you, they have no experience with this insanity. And you'll learn a lot about the mind, how people's mind's with personality disorders "work" and surprisingly (or not surprisingly) and perhaps most importantly, yourself. For instance, I learned why I permitted myself to be decieved and chose to ignore my gut instincts and common sense.

Finally, be patience. You experienced a traumatic event, and could have post-traumatic stress disorder. I am not kidding. You are processing through a huge, unanticipated, illogical, mind-blowing loss right now. You need to "process it." One symptom of this is, at first, sadness. Then it turns to anger. A lot of anger. A palpable anger. Believe me.

This is the beginning for you. One thing you won't do is re-enage this woman in anyway. You must not contact her. For anything. Not to spite her. Not to try and make her feel guilty (as you'll learn - you can't) or make her feel emotional pain (you can't). Not to release your justified anger and contempt. It serves no purpose in the main goal before you now - to heal.

It will only hurt you, delay and impede your ability to crawl out of this nightmare.

Every time you relate with her, or read her emails, or think about her for lengthy periods of time, or visit places that evoke memories, etc., you re-create the trauma you experienced (physiological effects - both physical and mental!), harming yourself and delaying your healing. That is why you need to avoid it!

Just try and focus on yourself and the people who really matter in your life - your family and friends. As difficult as it will be for you, you must, must, must try and distance yourself from her completely. Try to take positive and active steps in your life to improve you, and the relationships with those that do truly matter to you.

If you want to chat further, like KontrollerX said, drop me a PM. There are many generous and empathetic individuals on this site who can provide a great deal of help in this difficult time for you.

There are a couple very strong positives elements that will manifest themselves because of this experience (as shallow and hollow as that may sound): you will become a better person, a more empathetic, caring person, you will know yourself better and you will be more qualified and prepared to deal with terrible events in life.

I wish you the best. And, in time, you will be fine. Trust me. It's the dawn of a new reality for you, an awakening from the incomprehensible hell you were in.

Chron

As we all know things can get pretty strange on the boards. We got to take whatever we read here with a grain of salt.

Just like with people we know, there are two sides to every story. People often have a right to be angry, they get bitter, filled with hate and thoughts of revenge- but this doesn't just happen to people who are involved with those with HPD.There is plenty of it to go around, without or without a personality disorder being involved. Let's get some perspective here.

General_knox:
and extact the amazing sex I get from her....thats it

Those with HPD may manipulate to get attention but I'll bet just as often as they do that, they themselves get used by others only for sex.


We can agree that those with HPD have caused pain and confusion in others lives, but usually aren't abusive and violent. We have to be careful how we encourage someone, what if the person involved with the one with HPD has NPD,BPD, Antisocial Personality Disorder,Biolar or worse what if they are a true sociopath?


It's one thing to give someone some sympathy, it's another to encourage sick ideas\behavior. It would be horrible to possibly encourage someone that they have the right to abuse, rape or even murder another. Although, I'm sure somewhere sometime on some message board that has happened. Everyone gets dumped, lied to, and or sworn at some point in their life. Is this justification to plot,stalk,abuse or worse? Are we supposed to keep repeating the cycle with more damage and destruction?

Just consider comments that were made on this on this topic\board:

General_knox:

"Im way smarter than she is, probably even more narcissistic than she is, and I will destroy her. I dont know how, but I will. "

"I dont want a RELATIONSHIP with this b****, I just want to destroy her...know what I mean? Can you FEEL the intense HATE as I do right now?"

"Whats the best tactic to lure her back in, whitout spending money....Ill fake it all, I dont care..I just want her lured back in and then do something to wreck her."

"All my instincts are telling me to just "let it go" but my inner rage is yelling : pay back time. Man, I even am thinkig of ...well...i dont know...geeze I scae myself by saying this but Id love to actually end her life, so to speak...is this normal reaction...like Im acually thinking of it.. "

"maybe if I start this whole revenge thing, Ill just get myself into a place psychologically I wont be able to get out of, and it could escalate into physical violence"

Maybe someone is just talking whatever, maybe more is going on other than that. I don't forget the recent cases of Ben Fowley, and the young guy who killed her girlfriends parents. Most people online figured they were just talking too..

"Be glad you and I have empathy unlike them so that we can put ourselves in the shoes of others and identify with them." -KontrollerX.

We can see on this HPD forum where 90% of the empathy goes.

yeah your right man...Im just really mad. I dont know, I think hough the main thing I will do is search help for myself...cause all the things I wrote that you quoted in that blue box...I must say, one after the other like that..scared the crap out of me!

I always knew I had something, now Im not sure what...she does too, maybe thats why we attracted each other so well...

I probably have some sort of disorder myself...

Anonymous wrote:As we all know things can get pretty strange on the boards. We got to take whatever we read here with a grain of salt.

Just like with people we know, there are two sides to every story. People often have a right to be angry, they get bitter, filled with hate and thoughts of revenge- but this doesn't just happen to people who are involved with those with HPD.There is plenty of it to go around, without or without a personality disorder being involved. Let's get some perspective here.

We can agree that those with HPD have caused pain and confusion in others lives, but usually aren't abusive and violent.

In my HPD experience, the person was incredibly abusive, and she was violent (throwing things, etc.) Abuse of people they ostensibly "care" about seems to be at the heart of an HPD relationship based on my understanding.

IMO, their side of the story is a warped reality. In my case, one where she lied to herself and everyone in her life, including her parents, and somehow convinced herself certain events didn't happen to protect her mind's inability to process them. This is consistent with HPD. So, IMO, the other side of the story, the abnormal HPD side, can't be considered. Or we might run the risk of going insane because there is no way to understand their thinking. It's a thinking that is not based on normal logic - it's based on the impulse to satiate perverted and abnormal needs.

I certainly have dealt with the normal emotions associated with the end of a relationship - the anger, bitterness, hurt, etc.

The damage done by someone with HPD does not even begin to remotely compare to that experience. Not even close. The behavior is unimaginable and outside the realm of normal human expectation. I personally have little compassion for perspective in that type of relationship, where you are simply an object to meet their selfish needs. None in fact.

Anonymous wrote:Are we supposed to keep repeating the cycle with more damage and destruction?

A cogent question and of course the answer is an emphatic no, primarily because it would not help us. I could care less if I hurt her (you can't anyway because of the twisted reality an HPD individual exists in).

It's just really sad. I pity these people. Fundamentally, they'c can't love. How terrible - to not have the capacity for the most tangible, powerful and fullfilling (and at times frustrating) human emotion.

"We can see on this HPD forum where 90% of the empathy goes."

If you had bothered to read the topic where the girl with HPD asked for help you would see that those of us who posted in it tried to help her not tear her down.

90% of the empathy goes towards the victims of HPD's on here because unfortunately since the inception of this forum the victims have been in large part the only ones to post.

KontrollerX wrote:"We can see on this HPD forum where 90% of the empathy goes."

If you had bothered to read the topic where the girl with HPD asked for help you would see that those of us who posted in it tried to help her not tear her down.

90% of the empathy goes towards the victims of HPD's on here because unfortunately since the inception of this forum the victims have been in large part the only ones to post.

I agree. We do reach out to help those who come for help. But they don't often come, and that is 100% consistent with almost all of the clinicals I have read about HPD people ... very reluctant to seek help for their issue, even if it has been diagnosed. I think it's a very, very hard thing for them, it's very deeply sewn into their psyche.

chron6988 wrote:
It's just really sad. I pity these people. Fundamentally, they'c can't love. How terrible - to not have the capacity for the most tangible, powerful and fullfilling (and at times frustrating) human emotion.

Yes, that is a key thing to understand. They have limited capacity for empathy and hence limited capacity for love. In fact, I would go so far as to say they do not experience the "need" that most people do for deep emotional intimacy and love ... and instead they experience a crushing, overwhelming need for constant new attention and affection. Hence they are not faithful in relationships, because being faithful (while it serves the needs of most people for emotional intimacy) doesn't serve the HPD's for constant new attention.

My HPD used to say that he thought the practice of monogamy was the result of collective brainwashing, because to him monogamy made no sense at all. I tried to explain that people are monogamous because they want that safety if they are going to be emotionally vulnerable and intimate and make life changes around another person and all of that ... and he listened, but it didn't resonate with him one bit because he didn't/doesn't share that need for a long-term, deep intimacy with one person ... and instead he has the need for constant new intimacy, new attention, and that of course is not consistent at all with monogamy.

That, to me, is a key to understanding these people. They have needs that others do not have, that are self-defeating ... and they don't share the needs that most people do when it comes to interpersonal relationships. It truly is a poverty for them, emotionally.

General_knox-I always knew I had something, now Im not sure what...she does too, maybe thats why we attracted each other so well...

I probably have some sort of disorder myself

Maybe....

You might have, if you often find yourself in relationships with these type of people, or if you are and you feel like it's destructive but can't bring yourself to let go.

That's a good thing about reading these boards we might find something out about ourselves, as well as about others.
We really can't change others but we can choose for ourselves how we are going to think, feel, and react.