CAN I SEE...[edited by mod]

I read in this forum,
someone said his ex hpd would show ppl online her breasts and genital
and others (like ok) criticized that

seriously what's wrong with that.
you have a boyfriend,yes good,
but showing your body to someone else online,
what about it? in africa women show ther breasts to everyone


and if a man is peculiar and find your hand to be more arousing than your pussy
you are not supposed to show him your hand?

plz persuade me logically.

if my boyfriend were to show some woman online his penis
i wouldn't really care

Hmm, perhaps the discussion might evolve around personal boundaries and healthy choices. If anyone wants to give it a go....but please no pics of genitals folks; they will just get removed, and the entire thread locked or deleted, not to mention appropriate warnings/disciplinary actions.

thanx in advance

Genitals!? I thought we were showing our [removed by mod]

The difference between the women in Africa and the woman you are discussing is the women in Africa are not showing their breasts to gain sexual attention from everyone. This is simply how they dress. The woman you are discussing is being very disrespectful to the person she is with. She is seeking sexual attention from anyone willing to give it. I'm sure her boyfriend doesn't understand why she wants such attention since she is with him.
Regarding your hand comment, again, a hand is not shown as a method of gaining sexual attention. The intent of the person showing body parts is what differentiates the action, not the reaction of the viewer.
It is definitely a personal boundries issue. It is also a respect issue.

yyy -

A few thoughts for you.

Not that wikipedia contains the ultimate truth, but yes, you're correct that what is 'normal' is a cultural and personal choice. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nudity

So bottom line is that while I don't believe anything you've suggested is fundamentally right/wrong, there are still others affected by your choice either way. Here is roughly how I see that -

First, there are the forum owner. This site is essentially a free service. Those who have given their time and money to start and maintain this site have a reasonable right to set terms of service. It's a simple free exchange. I freely choose to enjoy the benefits of this site in exchange for agreeing to the owners terms. What you are suggesting may be against this site's terms of service. If it is not spelled out in terms of service ask a mod in private to clarify.

Second, there are other users of this forum. Their individual feelings about what you are suggesting doing is bound to stir various opinions. Nothing wrong with that either. Everyone has a right to an opinion. You mentioned "others (like ok) criticized that". Yes, just the way it is. When we push social norms, criticism from some is to be expected.

Third, there is your boyfriend. This is a pretty straight forward matter. Every couple is different and sets their own limits. It's a pretty simple choice really. Either ask him how he feels about it, or don't. Depending on his answer, decide what matters most to you. I think you likely know though that even by asking, there is a good chance he'll be hurt.* More on that below.

Fourth, there is you. You may find that you don't feel so great about yourself after messaging the pictures. There are other risks as well, like the possibility someone will misinterpret those pictures as sexual or emotional interest, leading to further consequences. Worst case is you end up with a stalker type on your hands.

* So you touched on why your BF is likely to be hurt with "and if a man is peculiar and find your hand to be more arousing than your pussy you are not supposed to show him your hand"? and "in africa women show ther breasts to everyone"

As you know the vast majority of people are not sexually aroused by others hands. We see each others hands every day. It is common, and so has no meaning. In many cultures it is rare to see female breasts, uncommon, so has greater meaning/impact when we do. In yet other cultures showing female breasts is very common, so less meaning/impact for those who live in those cultures.

I don't know your BF, but my guess would be that he grew up in a culture where showing female breasts is uncommon, so assigns a greater meaning to seeing yours. That he perceives it as something special between you two, and that by sending out pics to others, that something special between you two will lose some of its value for him. He may even feel hurt that something he thought was special between you too, turns out is not special at all.

Let my try to give an example. Pick something that you feel is special between you two, that you only want him to share with you. Could be anything from say holding your hand, to kissing you on the mouth, to some sexual activity; even could be something like buying each other a sentimental gift. I'm assuming of course that there is something between you two which you keep only between you two and feel is something special that you'd not want him sharing with others.

Assuming there is such a thing, very simply, how would you feel if he was sharing that special thing between you two with many other women without you knowing about it? That's all there is to empathy really. Putting ourselves in others shoes. Asking how would we feel if the situation was reversed?

Unfortunately not everyone can do that, and some people can only relate to a situation once they are in that situation. You did touch write "if my boyfriend were to show some woman online his penis i wouldn't really care" Many women would care, but only you can be honest with yourself and ask, is that really true?

1.

Marilyn Monroe once said "Sometimes I feel like I am a mirror. Men look at me and say I am obscene, but actually they are looking at their own obscene thought reflected on me'

FROM THIS PART(HPD PART) we don't seriously particularly do it for sexuaal purpose(we are goddamn 6 years old(actually younger ,about 3) in our head and heart)
and honestly I don't understand if why men like it,
even to my bf i always say, 'like, if you want to see the pic of breasts, SEARCH GOOGLE THERE ARE TONS' I really really don't understand if why men want to see YOUR body parts online when they can easily see TONS OF PERFECT female body parts which look all similar.

and you know, according to research, if a man stares at woman's boob for 10 min everyday
his life gets lengthened a few years more......
it's all good? i am pretty faithful in real life, i don't act seductively in real life(at least since i learned that i have hpd and that my behaviors are inappropraite)

anyway conclusion: from this part it feels really not different from showing other body parts like hands.
Do 3 year old girls understand that they should feel shame to show their breasts? :p
i remember being very surprised around teens to know that men 'sexually' look at me. cuz i feel like i am still a kid


2.
Gosh, our mod changed the title... what was it for? to appear 'appropriate' outside ?
i hate that most, when i went to report verbal sexual harassment
the only thing they concerned about was 'don't use inappropriate words like 'penis' to report it
WTF?! YES THE POLICE IS FREE, SCHOOL IS FREE, I may have to pay some respect, but, seriously, the only thing you care about is THAT? when a sexualharassment victim is crying in front of you?! what do i say then in god's name? THAT PART USED THE WORD 'PUSSY' so i am delivering, that's all,
if you freakin don't like seeing the word 'pussy' in the title
why don't you find the original post which said 'can i see your pussy' and delete it
just for the respect of everyone

3.
xdude, i understand that you are pretty old, it might be not easy to understand for you that one can be REALLY OKAY when her bf showed penis to other women.
if he says "she wanted to see it, so i showed her"
i wouldn't care really. you grown up nons are perverts so you'd have all sexual thoughts and get horny to show the part of you, but from my side, it's just, showing the hand cuz the other parts becomes happy to see it, and that's all.(actually every men online try to persuade me by saying 'sharing is caring')

i have a lot of sexual conversation with other men while having a boyfriend
and my bf said 'i really, really, really don't care about it.'
but it seems like he doesn't like the idea of showing my body parts to others.
and i think there's some , gender difference.
you know, men are visual, and women are more text,
most of women get nothing out of porn,(anagram told me, and i agreed)
and the visual stuffs are rather meaningless to me, the body, everyone's body look just similar, what's the big deal?

4.
it sometimes feel like talking to alien when i talk to you guys...
'don't do it in behind'
LOL THAT COMES FROM YOUR DARK THOUGHT
why do you think i'd hide it for god's sake? your hpds hided it? LOL yes i was sometime accused of have cheated behind, but ON THIS PART STORY IS VERY DIFFERENT (1. I WASN'T CHEATING IN MY OPINION 2.I NEVER TRIED TO HIDE, CUZ I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM DOING IS WRONG)

when i do inappropriate things with others in the relationship, what goes in my mind is not
'i should hide it from my bf!'
but 'if my bf doesn't like it, he can just break up with me!'
i always try to put myself in a position which i can easily escape the relationships, sometimes i might do inappropriate things just to provide some reason for me to break up. i used to often tell my bfs
'why don't you cheat on me?' or 'be more mean to me!' so i can have awesome reason to not have attachment to him :p


5. INFLUENCE
Honestly, my inappropriate behaviors got worse ever since i was in this forum.
I am VERY EASILY INFLUENED
and before i would consider some behaviors as inappropriate as society thinks
but in this forum i read what other hpds do and i sort of felt
'may be i should do that too!'
and tried to do the same things
^very easily influenced..
be careful what you say to HPD

yYyYy, we live in a society where there are sexualised images everywhere, in the media, in the music industry, in the fashion industry, in nightclubs, in sex shops in the high street etc. In many respects sex has lost its air of mystery and people have become accustomed and almost acclimatised to it. Because it has lost its mystery and therefore its scarcity value, it has become cheapened and more readily available. Because it has become more readily available and lost its scarcity value, it has become devalued. The more devalued it becomes, the range of what is deemed to be okay in the scope of social acceptability will widen. Who knows where it will end?

This is making me seem to be prudish, and I'm not a prude by any means, but the point I'm getting at is that society is changing,and what was at one time considered to be shocking is now acceptable. Somewhere along the lines, though, society has forgotten the value of sex, because it is now no longer considered to be scarce. As it continues to be devalued, people's attitudes towards themselves and their own sexuality will surely change, and they will come to devalue themselves and their partners. Partners inevitably will be seen as more interchangeable, and people will also view themselves in this way. Relationships will inevitably suffer. I have witnessed this happening with the upsurge of computer dating sites. Viewing some sites can be likened to catalogue shopping, and if one relationship ends, a new partner is now readily available through a site. There are also many sex dating sites, and it is easy for anyone to find a sex partner. Somewhere along the line, not only has sex lost its value, but so have PEOPLE, men and women. As people have lost their value, they have become objectified. Today's society is becoming a breeding ground for HPD and narcissism.

I have done things that I now consider to be unwise and foolish in the past, as a result of these changing values, and these changing values have in part contributed to the toxic elements of my HPD. Society has been for me like a tidal wave that I have had to struggle against in order to fight my disorder. Social acceptability often normalises things that aren't necessarily healthy.

yyy -

Hi, you posted a lot, but it wasn't clear to me if you answered or avoided the *key* question. If you told/asked your BF, what would he think? Really he is the only person who would be negatively effected, and you possibly, but you can make your own choice for you. Maybe just a lot of thinking around the one aspect of this that you already know the answer too? He won't approve? If you believe he will, then no harm in asking/telling him.

xdude wrote:yyy -

Hi, you posted a lot, but it wasn't clear to me if you answered or avoided the *key* question. If you told/asked your BF, what would he think? Really he is the only person who would be negatively effected, and you possibly, but you can make your own choice for you. Maybe just a lot of thinking around the one aspect of this that you already know the answer too? He won't approve? If you believe he will, then no harm in asking/telling him.

yYyYy wrote: i have a lot of sexual conversation with other men while having aboyfriend
and my bf said 'i really, really, really don't care about it.'
but it seems like he doesn't like the idea of showing my body parts to others.
and i think there's some , gender difference.
you know, men are visual, and women are more text,
most of women get nothing out of porn,(anagram told me, and i agreed)
and the visual stuffs are rather meaningless to me, the body, everyone's body look just similar, what's the big deal?