update

Not true, deep love.
Different horses for different courses.
RCD, how long were you with this woman/girl before you decided to get back together?
Also, she says she has been hurt too, by you? How?
I can understand, if she is someone who is not so young and has had bad relationships in the past, how she might want to take things slowly when starting out in a new relationship. Look before you leap so to speak. I could understand if she were a teenager or in her early twenties, wanting a not so commited relationship when youre starting out getting to know someone.
Her reply kinda sounds like she doesnt feel she knows you well. Is this due to hurt caused by you? Didnt she hurt you too??
It sounds as if you are ready to forgive any past hurts and she is not so sure???
She actually contradicts herself a bit here as she tells you she loves you - but writes

We were defining what or if we were going to be together if the future...taking time off to reflect and see what our feelings are or were.

So shes actually saying shes unsure of her feelings............

With regard to the intensity of your relationship, this I understand. It can be all or nothing when you start out, but this matures with time and a common respect of each other to become a deep love.
Often the dont ask dont tell relationship is fine if youre really not looking for commitment. (If youre the sort of person who can deal with that and some arent) but certainly doesnt help it to move on to a deep commited relationship.
RCD, i think you need to re-evaluate where you are in your life, and what you are looking for from this relationship. If its sincerity and commitment, dont make the mistake of selling yourself short to someone who is not ready to commit. Being very in love with someone who is not at that place with you and is unsure if they can get there is very dangerous to you.
If we could all rewind our hearts so that we feel less emotions toward someone, there would be many less broken hearts in the world.
From the fact that you have been hurt before and that you say you love her, i dont feel that you are truly happy to have this dont ask dont tell relationship nor do i feel you could maintain it for long without getting hurt.
If on the other hand, she truly is HPD, and is not prepared to get any help to change this, then she wont be able to love to the extent that you need or expect. It will be a one way street with you constantly getting hurt.

Oh my god

Why the ######6 hell are you even entertaining "Your HPD".

She dosen't give a crap about you and is full of $#%^.
WHY CAN'T YOU WAKE UP AND SMELL THE BS THAT COMES OUT OF HER MOUTH.
Nice for her to know that there is always someone waiting for her. So if i can't get it off with pizza delivery guy, i can ring up good old rick.
Jesus mate forget her, and as i have said before find someone new to share your life with you.

You came on this forum to tell your story and seek help and advice and support. Ok so answer me these RCD: -

Why are you always entertaining her?
Why do you answer her emails and phone calls?
Why can't you let go?

You need to cut the communication with her.
I know it is hard loving someone that dosen't love or care for you the same way you do for them. I have experienced this It took me a long time to get over this person, but the fact is she didn't give a rats arse about me and i did get over her.

jamo

She says she is hurt because I'm always questioning her statements (I call her on her lies and half truths). We haven't seen each other since before Thanksgiving, but have talked many times...this much needed space she is looking for confuses me...but if there is the chance everything could work out if I give her space, or if we just end up becoming casual daters, then that is that...I am also curious to see just how far she wants to push this....she has sent me 5 emails today...i haven't responded...maybe that is the right approach. I don't know. We have only been dating since May...

I am not trying to be harsh, but you are STUPID.

That's why HPDs get away with their BS, because of you and other naive people out there.

Come on, give me a break man!

Maybe this is a troll. It's illogical to entertain and cater to the illness of this woman like you are doing rcd. No offense.

a troll? what does that mean? I know I know...I am being illogical, I guess I'm hoping I'm wrong about her....

I'm thinking you are being so illogical as to entertain the possibility you are doing it on purpose for entertainment.

No offense.

well after finding she was on one personals site I asked her why and made a nasty comment...she then said she never wanted to speak to me again, that our relationship could never work, and it was a huge waste of her time...today I noticed she is now on 2 personals sites...i am such an idiot!

Nah, not an idiot rcd just hypnotized by the HPD's game like I almost was once again but thankfully Chris was there to snap me out of it and ask me some questions and throw my own good advice back at me making me remember how deceptive these people are.

Yeah he knows now. She is just looking for "new intimacy" ... for her fix ... and she will be looking for that for as long as she avoids entering serious therapy for her mental illness.

Don't be codependent. She is ill, but only she can decide to get better. You need to get away. Now.