Does this sound like HPD?

I went out Saturday with a very atttractive woman who I had met in a work setting earlier where she had given me what I viewed as somewhat inappropriate hugs.

My initial instinct was that she was trouble.

However, she contacted me again with regard to work matter and we scheduled a date

On our date, she was making out with me at the bar and having the bartender take our picture together, telling me she had been having dreams about me, laughing at all my jokes, wishing we could have sex later, etc. She was not intoxicated. She has a long history of broken engagements and her trouble with past boyfriends has involved the police.

Does this sound like HPD?

Follow your instinct.

Take it from someone who did NOT and paid a heavy price.

Inconclusive regarding HPD. But she sounds like a world of hurt to me.

Ask yourself a simple question...

Is her behavior normal?

My answer would be...

No.

Ask yourself another questoin...

Will her behavior continue to be abnormal?

My answer would be...

Yes.

Finally, ask yourself this question...

Do I want to be with an abnormal person?

My answer would be...

No.

But that's just me.[/i]

My response to Guest got me thinking about something very simplistic in relation to every kind of situation, whether it be relationship based or whatever...

If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, well, it probably IS a duck.

Meaning, by using common sense and simple logic and ingrained intuition we can avert disasterous decisions (and relationships) by arriving at obvious conclusions.

I think the challenge is to disregard primal variables in the equation so to speak. For instance, one's infatuation or sex interest in someone outweighing the fact they are abnormal.

Just my two cents.

chron6988 wrote:
I think the challenge is to disregard primal variables in the equation so to speak. For instance, one's infatuation or sex interest in someone outweighing the fact they are abnormal.

Yup. This is exactly what happens in many HPI relationships, in fact. You kind of know something is off, but you're infatuated and proceed anyway.

The OP's situation ... can't tell whether she's HPD or not really, but gosh there are enough red flags there to really make you queestion whether to proceed.

"She has a long history of broken engagements and her trouble with past boyfriends has involved the police."

Well this sounds like either she's borderline personality disordered and gets violent with them or as a typical HPD she causes these guys to fall so deeply in love with her and then drops them for apparently no reason they chase her to insane extents as a result.

Ugh please my friend for your own safety and peace of mind stay away from this woman.

Like a good friend I met on this forum named Alice told me people in the Cluster B variety of personality disorders tend to be able to sink their claws deep inside your soul meaning that no matter how much you know about these people you stay around them long enough and lend them your ear for long enough you will fall for their emotional trap, be in love with them and then they will horrifically betray you in some way that will leave a scar on your life forever.

KontrollerX wrote:"She has a long history of broken engagements and her trouble with past boyfriends has involved the police."

Well this sounds like either she's borderline personality disordered and gets violent with them or as a typical HPD she causes these guys to fall so deeply in love with her and then drops them for apparently no reason they chase her to insane extents as a result.

Ugh please my friend for your own safety and peace of mind stay away from this woman.

Like a good friend I met on this forum named Alice told me people in the Cluster B variety of personality disorders tend to be able to sink their claws deep inside your soul meaning that no matter how much you know about these people you stay around them long enough and lend them your ear for long enough you will fall for their emotional trap, be in love with them and then they will horrifically betray you in some way that will leave a scar on your life forever.

Well stated KontrollerX. [ And how's it going? How are the workouts coming? ]

But will they leave a scar on your life forever? Maybe only if we let them. Read on...

Today, my psychologist (a truly great guy) in my last session (took me about 7 or so sessions to understand my HPD's deviant behavior and what holes/deficiencies existed in my personality to allow her to exploit me) asked me an interesting question...

Do you think you can forgive her?

Meaning, can I forgive my ex-fiance for what she did to me!

Wow!

Needless to say, it generated a lot of thought on my part.

The first being "what's the definition of forgiveness?"

My take:

Does forgiveness mean we accept their behavior as a possible (not saying normal) action by a human being? Ok. I can handle that definition of forgiveness. Does it mean we won't hold a grudge against them or try to hurt them emotionally or physically? Ok. I can handle that as well.

But to condone their behavior? Of course not. To say it was "ok?" Of course not. To say it didn't hurt us? No. To say we want to ever speak to them again, to ever have them be a part of our lives in any way or part of the lives of anyone we know? No way.

And then my psychologist gave me this analogy:

Suppose you are in a city and happen upon a homeless man who is physically deformed, 1/2 an arm, maybe one leg, and for some reason and no fault of your own he attacks you and you end up in the hospital and have to wear a cast for some time, get surgery to repair a torn ACL suffered in the fracas, etc. In short, you sustain fairly serious physical damage.

How would you feel about that guy after you recovered from your wounds?

Personally, I would probably pity the guy. I would probably forgive him. I wouldn't associate with him or be his friend or probably try to help him. Of course, I would be wary around people like him in similar situations in order to protect myself from subsequent attacks/damage.

The point he was making of course is that - HPD people/Cluster B type personality disorder people - are the deformed mental equivalent of deformed physical people.

And we should pity them! And be thankful we are not like them!

Regardless of the hurt and betrayal that heaped upon us.

Regardless of how they used us and disrespected us and disgarded us to serve their sick purposes.

Yes, they hurt us.

But we recover.

And learn.

We learn what in a sense motivated them to do what they did.

We learn what deficiencies in our personalities caused us to ignore certain signs of impending doom, why we ignored instincts, why we tolerated disrespectful, illogical, cruel, antisocial and abnormal behavior.

And we learn how to fix that, so that we can guard against a similar situation in the future, so we can make better decisions!

So are we scarred for life? I'm thinking maybe not. I'm thinking this is a tragic learning experience. I'm thinking a physical scar is visible to people - they know something happened. Perhaps that type of scar inhibits our physical ability to do something. I'm thinking a mental scar would manifest itself in the way we treat others, with the implication it would inhibit our ability to deal with people in a proper way, the right way.

Did we want this? No. Did we deserve it? No.

But it happened. And we are better prepared to deal with different types of people (normal and abnormal) and the trials and tribulations of life.

I'm not trying to sound self-righteous or condescending, but I'm feeling like this approach is working for me, it's allowing me to pick up the pieces and move on, and live, for the better and with a whole new outlook on the possibilities and opportunities I was missing while relating with my ex-fiance, and most certainly, all the wonderful opportunities and possibilities and experiences I would have most certainly have missed if I had stayed with her.

And I would like to thank people like KontrollerX and novaseeker who helped me in this process. Thank you!

Merry Christmas and may you find PEACE (in the purest sense) to all.

BTW, I apologize for totally hijacking this thread.

And to paraphrase a quote from Monty Python again...

"You can fart in my general direction!"