I've decided to re-engage with my hpd...

my hpd has been writing me, telling me that it can't work, that we're too different. Yet she's called me twice in the last 2 days, asking me what's wrong with me. i haven't picked up the phone...it's soooo confusing

RCD just stop talking to her dude.

Whats she's doing to you is called projection/gaslighting/crazymaking/etc.

Not healthy at all to let yourself be pulled along by these manipulations.

I know...and with each e mail, and there have been 5 more, she's acting more and more like she wants to be with me again. it has control of my psyche, and I feel like I'm spinning out of control. I'm just not strong when it comes to matters of the heart

she said she wanted to wait until after the first of the year to reconnect, then last night she said I brought to much drama into her life!!!! (for confronting her) and I should move on. LOL Hopefully i have finally learned a lesson. Push Pull Push Pull, keep you dangling!

My sense is that she wanted to keep you around for a while (in reserve in a way) while she spread herself out there on the dating sites again, but that ultimately your confronting her on her behavior was annoying and got to the point where she just didn't want to deal with it any longer.

My own ex told me that I was "safe" and that he craved "new intimacy" (really meaning attracting new attention). I believe that if I had put up with his behavior, he would not have broken up with me himself, because he would have liked to have had both the "safe" and the "new/exciting", because each served his needs differently. When I called him on his behavior, his attitude changed and he became very, very angry when I told him he would either have to change his behavior or I would leave the relationship ... and eventually he chose it would be better for me to leave, so I did. When it came down to it, he didn't want to be with someone that was going to call him on his behavior, and preferred his "new intimacies" to a settled "safe" relationship.

I suspect some of the same may be happening with your ex.

that very well could be...we were back to talking an hour or so a day, emailing each other back and forth with interesting stuff 10 times a day, yet every night she would busy herself with an old friend (woman) that just moved back to town. they would even sleep in the same bed together. Iasked her last night before we ended it if she might be bisexual. She laughed and said, I don't know, I haven't tried it. ????

"She laughed and said, I don't know, I haven't tried it. ????"

Yeah right.

Most HPD's are bisexual for some unknown reason.

Mine was and so were many others that I've read people talk about who they were involved with.

In anycase RCD I think I've given you this advice before but you didn't follow it but I'll give it again and maybe you'll finally listen this time.

If you want this girl you have to play the role of object well.

An object exists for its masters pleasure and not the other way around or even a 50/50 thing so what you must do to play the role of object that she wants is never question her on her cheating or lies and just go along with every hurtful thing she does to you.

I found the link that goes more indepth on this.

God help you if you follow my advice but it seems thats what you want to do so here you go...

http://dks.thing.net/Inverted_Narcissist.html

In closing what you will be doing if you follow my advice is called N dipping.

Its called this because you know what she is now we've informed you and you've probably informed yourself through your own research.

For some people N dipping is the only way they can truly let go of their HPD or NPD as when they go back to that person they see how correct their research on this person turned out to be for themselves and little by little they realize the totality of the emptiness that is the HPD/NPD's entire being and eventually really believe what they already know on an intellectual level.

Yes, its a human body and it sounds a lot like normal people sometimes with the way it talks and acts but there's really nothing there to love.

There's no unique and genuine person there to love except yourself because that is what she is projecting to you.

They are the true embodiment of the phrase the lights are on but nobody is home.

Thanks kontroller. While reading through the link, I recalled my hpd saying I would never ever meet her mother, because she was "crazy". Apparently the FBI visited her after she wrote a threatening letter to the president. Her brother told her she should just say she's dead. She only lives a few blocks from her, and sees her almost daily. She is well off, bright, and a "doer". From the HPD's comments about her father, he apparently was a womanizer and spent very little time at home. Seems to fit. I've decided to stop all contact with the HPD for at least 2 weeks and see how I feel and see if she contacts me. I really hate the fact that I miss her.
Another thought, the night she called to tell me she was horny, she was lying in the same king size bed with her girlfriend...maybe that was some kind of foreplay? She also told me that since her girlfriend has moved back to town, they've joined the country club together and spend about 4 evenings a week doing things.... She also told me at one point she recycles old boyfriends...Huh? I wonder if this is all typical...In our last "breakup"conversation I mentioned she was the most eccentric person I'd ever met...and i loved her for it. her reply:::You speak of me like I'm mud on your shoes!!! I find all this just truly fascinating. I don't know if she's HPD or some other disorder. She certainly isn't the typical boasting NPD.

"Thanks kontroller. While reading through the link, I recalled my hpd saying I would never ever meet her mother, because she was "crazy". Apparently the FBI visited her after she wrote a threatening letter to the president. Her brother told her she should just say she's dead. She only lives a few blocks from her, and sees her almost daily. She is well off, bright, and a "doer"."

This is a nice little story (lie) she has conjured up but more than likely the truth is her mother is perfectly fine and sees through her little girl's con game and would tell you about what her little girl is really like if you two got to meet eachother which is why she feels she must keep you away from her mother.

Its just like what psychologist Al Bernstein's website says in the 2nd warning about how to protect yourself from an Emotional Vampire.

2. GET OUTSIDE VERIFICATION
Vampires want you to listen to them alone. To control you, they'll try to isolate you from your usual sources of information. Always check out what they say with a trusted friend, especially when you'd rather not. Vampires can't operate in the light of day.

http://www.albernstein.com/id62.htm

In this case the trusted person would be her mother which she is isolating you from and trying to make you believe is a loon so in the small chance you ever do meet her and she tells you about your girl's bad behaviour you will write it off as the ravings of a demented woman.

About her brother...

Was this something you actually heard him say for yourself or something she claimed he said?

If he's HPD as well he would be more than happy to help little sis in the con just so you know.

Guys with HPD usually get women to fall in love with them using the lost little boy con where they leverage their looks and use immature but charming behaviour to draw an unsuspecting woman in. Its either that or they act way over the top macho but still the immaturity remains so in either case you should be able to tell by immaturity alone.

"From the HPD's comments about her father, he apparently was a womanizer and spent very little time at home. Seems to fit."

Yep same for mine and on top of that he would flirt with her and possibly physically sexually abused her I believe.

"I've decided to stop all contact with the HPD for at least 2 weeks and see how I feel and see if she contacts me."

Well its a good idea for you to do this but yeah she'll probably try to contact you as they just love a guy that ignores them. Oooh the challenge! This guy must be really special because unlike the other guys he ignores me oh he's so amazing! *Vomits*

Note: I'm not saying you aren't amazing RCD (you very well could be) but I am saying it sickens me enough to wanna vomit at why these girls think/thought we were amazing. For all the wrong reasons which were we simply didn't give them as much attention as other guys for a long time and that drove them insane with lust for us which propelled them to wanna chase and chase and chase until they finally made us their latest victim/conquest.

We weren't loved by them for being genuinely amazing to them but because unwittingly we catered to their disorder's idea of whats amazing for a time.

"I really hate the fact that I miss her."

Hey thats completely natural and for many of us who fell so hard for an HPD we really feel all this pain because we had not loved ourselves enough.

Thats what they project to us once again and while we are giving them our love subconsciously we are giving ourselves all the love we feel we deserved over the years that we didn't get but once thats cut off by the HPD we can no longer give this love and it brings us tremendous pain that is in many ways no different than the pain a drug addict would feel when cut off from their source of supply. We were addicted to these girls because we hadn't truly loved ourselves enough over the years and finally doing so vicariously through them was intoxicating and very very hard to give up.

However lonely...

The road to breaking through this pain is...

Genuine aware self love.

Thats the road one must take after being so horribly victimized and hurt by an HPD.

"Another thought, the night she called to tell me she was horny, she was lying in the same king size bed with her girlfriend...maybe that was some kind of foreplay?"

Yes it was if she's telling the truth.

"She also told me that since her girlfriend has moved back to town, they've joined the country club together and spend about 4 evenings a week doing things...."

Well this could be true and it might just be a lie. Sometimes HPD's tell the men they are trying to manipulate wild stories of lesbian passion or just allude to that happening so a person's imagination can run wild. So yeah its either a real situation between her and this girl and she's using telling you to heighten the excitement of that or just a bull**** story to try and turn you on.

"She also told me at one point she recycles old boyfriends...Huh? I wonder if this is all typical..."

Yes its typical but moreso for male HPD's and Sam's site explains it better than I ever could so here you go...

http://samvak.tripod.com/3.html

My HPD wasn't like this though mine was a discarder narcissist which he also talks about on his site. Once she is through with a guy thats it. Oh sometimes they'll be a short falling out with her and a guy and she'll start talking to him again for a week but thats pretty much it for her giving another chance. Then its off to the next victim.

"In our last "breakup"conversation I mentioned she was the most eccentric person I'd ever met...and i loved her for it. her reply:::You speak of me like I'm mud on your shoes!!! I find all this just truly fascinating. I don't know if she's HPD or some other disorder. She certainly isn't the typical boasting NPD."

Oh she has HPD alright. Note you said the word "Love". My god but do they hate that word!

It triggered her to project at you what she really thinks of you and all men. You are all mud on her shoes and what is mud? Its an object, a thing, not something thats feelings must be taken into account and considered. As for NPD Sam Vaknin said something I very strongly agree with which was that HPD and NPD are basically the same thing but with different ways of going about getting narcissistic supply (love, lust, attention, adoration, adulation, etc) so just read his site when he says Narcissist as Histrionic and male as female and you shouldn't be so confused when you're there. Standard NPD's are cerebral meaning they use their mind to get the supply and using their mind they would boast. Histrionics are somatic narcissists which means they use their bodies and sexuality to get their narcissistic supply. So yeah when reading his site just ignore the mind stuff as thats for cerebral narcissists. Pay attention though to the articles on love and mourning the narcissist etc.

In fact I'll just link them up for you here right now...

Mourning the Histrionic/Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq68.html

The Histrionic/Narcissist hates love...

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq74.html

Other good articles below...

http://samvak.tripod.com/msla5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal15.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/6.html

Kontroller-you bring a unique perspective to the whole magilla. I guess the only thing certain about her statements is that one is never certain about the answer. It's amazing how many times I'd ask a question about anything that her answer was vague, like she couldn't think. And when she lied, the answers were ridiculous if you applied logic. It's like her mind couldn't cope with thinking...yet she's extremely bright. She has been sharing my emails with her "girlfriend" also. She was also extremely worried that I not talk with my friends about her. What a strange world she must live in. How long have you been away from your hpd?

Another curiousity, early on she used to say over and over I sure hope our relationship works...I'm wondering if others have heard that and why she would say it.

Oh, one last point, she told me there were 2 couples she wanted me to meet and her x of 10 years, too. They were all getting together...I said i was looking forward to meeting them. She said, you will, but your not invited...I thought to myself, "and she loves me?"