I believe I have HPD - please help!

For the longest while now I've wondered about myself.

OMG ... SO MANY TIMES .... I have been described by my friends as having ALL these characteristics (the ones in CAPS are the ones that are most prominent in me - but ALL are prominent):

... EXTREME temper tantrums... moood swings... FEAR of rejection...
EXCESSIVE need for approval/reassurance/validation.. poor memory... SELFCENTREDNESS... pre-occupation w physical appearance...

I have been accused of being larger than life, overly dramatic and always putting on a show or 'acting'. Funnily enough - I am also an actress!

I found a wealth of information about HPD online, and the more I read the more I cringed & and the more I tht OMG!! THIS IS ME!!

I even showed the descriptions to 2 of my closest friends, who agreed that yes - the following symptoms (of HPD)... described me ALOT. My younger sister also saw the description and said it described me almost 100%.

Several symptoms that I have self-diagnosed:-

- Constant seeking of reassurance or approval (OMG OMG OMG. I talk to everyone and their momma when making decisions, esp relationship ones. I ALWAYS SEEK ADVICE & reassurance that I amd doing the 'right' thing!! I like to feel like I'm RIGHT!)

- Excessive dramatics with exaggerated displays of emotions
- Excessive sensitivity to criticism or disapproval (I do not handle any form of criticism at all - I get VERY defensive)
- Excessive concern with physical appearance (I look in a mirror or glass every time I walk by it - ppl have called me obsessed - but I like to look good 24/7 WHEN the right ppl are around)
- A need to be the center of attention (self-centeredness) - OMG - I HAVE HEARD this one throughout my WHOLE LIFE.
- Low tolerance for frustration or delayed gratification - I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR ANYTHING!! When God was giving out patience, I was not in the room AT ALL.
- Rapidly shifting emotional states that may appear shallow to others

- Opinions are easily influenced by other people, but difficult to back up with details. (I'd like to think I have good backup but that isnt always the case - and I am waaay too easily swayed by opinions. My mom said i was like this even as a child).

I am just in shock here. From the relationship addiction (*many of my relationships have been rebounds, and I have never been single longer than 3 mths!)... to distortions in my emotional reasoning... it's simply stunning.

I also believe that I may be comorbid with DPD... I am literally - UNABLE - to make decisions. I have a large support network of friends, and I talk to them about EVERYTHING! My feelings, thts & attitudes towards an object/person change easily & quickly, based on who I talk to and what they have to say. My mother told me that as a child I was ALWAYS easily influenced - and this has persisted into adulthood. I always want people to approve of and agree with my decision. When they do not, I have been known to try my best to change their opinions to be in line with mine... or better yet.. change my opinion altogether to be in line with theirs.

The reason I post this is because my exbf R recently broke up with me.. due to my continued interaction & emotional involvment with my ex ex (M) prior to him. He said our rel'ship was crowded. He said I hurt him. And he asked me HOW I was UNABLE to see how my interaction w M was afffecting us. HOW was I UNABLE to put myself in his position, and in his shoes (i.e. if his ex N had been calling him down proclaiming her undying love for him, how would I have felt?)

I told him these exact words - I didn't think. I DIDNT THINK. Not ONCE, in my self-centredness did I stop to think how my actions would affect him. I did not think - I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and chose to ignore how he felt.

I literally - DID NOT ONCE THINK - Kengne, how would I feel if R was doing all the things to you, that you did to him?

I know NOW - that I would've felt horribly hurt.
AND I FEEL TERRIBLE NOW! KNowing how much I hurt him. It's awful.

But WHY was I unable to see how I was hurting him, AT THE TIME?
When he asked again - I told him it was because of my self-centredness.

but I believe now the self-centredness is only the tip of the Iceberg!

OMG I have a problem!!
I do not know what to do. I am so shocked and ashamed. I toook psychology in Univ. - how could I not have seen this?? Why didnt we cover this disorder in class??? I wouldve known then that I suffered from HPD!!

Is there any possible way to be diagnosed professionally?
Can psychotherapy cure this?

I have begun praying & meditating.

Please help!

K.

"For the longest while now I've wondered about myself.

OMG ... SO MANY TIMES .... I have been described by my friends as having ALL these characteristics (the ones in CAPS are the ones that are most prominent in me - but ALL are prominent):

... EXTREME temper tantrums... moood swings... FEAR of rejection...
EXCESSIVE need for approval/reassurance/validation.. poor memory... SELFCENTREDNESS... pre-occupation w physical appearance..."

My HPD exhibited all of these but to illustrate the temper tantrums and mood swings primarily I give you this paragraph below..

My good friend who believes he has Avoidant Personality Disorder and who is friends with my ex-HPD girlfriend told me she said to him she often thought there was something seriously wrong with her but she could never figure out what it was. When I let her know about HPD after it was over to me she seemed confused and thoughtful about it but later brought the issue up to our mutual avoidant friend in a phone call and he told her she should seriously consider what I said about HPD applying to her and she angrily replied "But he doesn't know me!" then proceeded to change the subject. Now this was a girl I'd know for two years and had talked to her friends about from time to time as they also happened to be my friends as well so to say I didn't know her is really her grasping at straws knowing I'm probably right about her but hating the fact that I in particular am right because now I'm worthless to her since to break up with me she had to convince herself that someday soon I was going to rape her and beat her up even though I'd never been violent with her in any way. Never yelled at her even. Anyway I was never a human being with my own feelings and emotions to her. Just an object momentarily useful for her enjoyment but now seen as all bad in her eyes due to this insane story she cooked up about me and forced herself to believe to justify getting rid of me.

"I have been accused of being larger than life, overly dramatic and always putting on a show or 'acting'. Shocked Funnily enough - I am also an actress! Wink"

Once again same for my HPD well all except the professional actress part. She was just a videogame junkie. LOL!!

"I found a wealth of information about HPD online, and the more I read the more I cringed & and the more I tht OMG!! THIS IS ME!! Shocked"

Well this is something you can be proud of unlike many HPDs. Meaning you can actually admit to yourself that you may have this disorder. An incredibly large amount of people who have this once they read the info on it use denial and disassociation and forget all about the condition so as to save themselves the pain of having one more problem in their lives. So as corny as it sounds good for you.

"I even showed the descriptions to 2 of my closest friends, who agreed that yes - the following symptoms (of HPD)... described me ALOT. My younger sister also saw the description and said it described me almost 100%.

Several symptoms that I have self-diagnosed:-

- Constant seeking of reassurance or approval (OMG OMG OMG. I talk to everyone and their momma when making decisions, esp relationship ones. I ALWAYS SEEK ADVICE & reassurance that I amd doing the 'right' thing!! I like to feel like I'm RIGHT!)"

Hehe, although its not a big point I'd just like to say my HPD chick used OMG a lot but I guess that all goes along with the dramatics of the condition eh?

"Shocked
- Excessive dramatics with exaggerated displays of emotions
- Excessive sensitivity to criticism or disapproval (I do not handle any form of criticism at all - I get VERY defensive)
- Excessive concern with physical appearance (I look in a mirror or glass every time I walk by it - ppl have called me obsessed - but I like to look good 24/7 WHEN the right ppl are around)"

Have people described you as being more beautiful than just about any girl/woman they've ever seen before and do you almost always wear eyeshadow? I ask not to flirt lmao but because both of these points applied severely to my HPD girl.

"- A need to be the center of attention (self-centeredness) - OMG - I HAVE HEARD this one throughout my WHOLE LIFE."

My HPD would leave a group of people we were talking to if she wasn't getting her due attention. At the time I thought she was just tired and wanted to leave and go rest or something. LOL.

"- Low tolerance for frustration or delayed gratification Exclamation - I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR ANYTHING!! When God was giving out patience, I was not in the room AT ALL."

Sadly this is true of my HPD with sexual acts and alcoholism.

"- Rapidly shifting emotional states that may appear shallow to others
Exclamation
- Opinions are easily influenced by other people, but difficult to back up with details. (I'd like to think I have good backup but that isnt always the case - and I am waaay too easily swayed by opinions. My mom said i was like this even as a child)."

If you don't mind my asking how were you treated as a child? Did you have good parents and no abuse or neglect from anyone ever that you know of at least?? I ask because my HPD had an incredibly horrific childhood and young adult life but another poster on here named Chris well his HPD girlfriend had parents she could depend on to him it seemed but he told me after I questioned him further the mother seemed to be somewhat like her which I read on an HPD site can help bring it about. Something about a strained or abandonment type of mother relationship. In my HPD's case her mother outright abandoned her taking her sister away with her. In Chris's case his HPD's mother was probably just emotionally unavailable to her daughter.

"I am just in shock here. From the relationship addiction (*many of my relationships have been rebounds, and I have never been single longer than 3 mths!)... to distortions in my emotional reasoning... it's simply stunning."

Same for my HPD. Right after getting rid of a great guy for no apparent reason who she was talking marriage with she was with me like one week later as her next victim. How cold and cruel is that?

"I also believe that I may be comorbid with DPD... I am literally - UNABLE - to make decisions. I have a large support network of friends, and I talk to them about EVERYTHING! My feelings, thts & attitudes towards an object/person change easily & quickly, based on who I talk to and what they have to say. My mother told me that as a child I was ALWAYS easily influenced - and this has persisted into adulthood. I always want people to approve of and agree with my decision. When they do not, I have been known to try my best to change their opinions to be in line with mine... or better yet.. change my opinion altogether to be in line with theirs."

Hey you could be. HPD can be co-morbid with a whole range of disorders. I think my HPD was co-morbid with NPD but really HPD and NPD are the same thing its just that the focus on getting the attention is different as in standard NPD they use their intellectual skills real or imagined to get the attention and HPD's use their body and sexuality to get it.

"The reason I post this is because my exbf R recently broke up with me.. due to my continued interaction & emotional involvment with my ex ex (M) prior to him. He said our rel'ship was crowded. He said I hurt him. And he asked me HOW I was UNABLE to see how my interaction w M was afffecting us. HOW was I UNABLE to put myself in his position, and in his shoes (i.e. if his ex N had been calling him down proclaiming her undying love for him, how would I have felt?)"

HPD's have a lack of empathy. My HPD told me early on that she had trouble seeing people's true intentions towards her. This didn't signal a red flag in my mind because I thought fair enough. Some people just are not good at reading others I thought but really for her it went way beyond that. She could not feel my love for her and how much I truly valued her as a person so she could treat me like a disposable piece of garbage in the blink of an eye when someone who she thought was better or more entertaining than me came along or just someone new in general. Most of the time though HPD's can only move on after the significant other tells them that they love them or really like them. The HPD then feels contempt for that person because they fell for their game and they think true love is weakness or some such.

"I told him these exact words - I didn't think. I DIDNT THINK. Not ONCE, in my self-centredness did I stop to think how my actions would affect him. I did not think - I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and chose to ignore how he felt.

I literally - DID NOT ONCE THINK - Kengne, how would I feel if R was doing all the things to you, that you did to him?

I know NOW - that I would've felt horribly hurt.
AND I FEEL TERRIBLE NOW! KNowing how much I hurt him. It's awful."

I am extremely happy for you now. Simply because you are recognizing what you have done is wrong. Truly recognizing it and though my HPD said she was sorry to me as usual with her there was always an inherint phoniness in everything she said but I don't get that from you and I'm glad about it.

"But WHY was I unable to see how I was hurting him, AT THE TIME?
When he asked again - I told him it was because of my self-centredness.

but I believe now the self-centredness is only the tip of the Iceberg!"

Read up on empathy. That is the huge thing with HPD. The lack of it.

"OMG I have a problem!!
I do not know what to do. I am so shocked and ashamed. I toook psychology in Univ. - how could I not have seen this?? Why didnt we cover this disorder in class??? I wouldve known then that I suffered from HPD!!"

Well it supposedly only affects 4% of the population so they probably didn't figure it was important enough to cover. Morons.

"Is there any possible way to be diagnosed professionally?
Can psychotherapy cure this?

I have begun praying & meditating."

Yes, if you go to a psychotherapist and are as honest and forthcoming as can be you will be diagnosed with whatever it is you truly have.
Can HPD be cured? I've heard that it can but it would take too much time and money to do so lmao but what the doctors do for the patients is help them learn to think clearly, make better decisions, teach you empathy and have you interact in groups to teach better ways of dealing with social situations rather than just trying to be the center of attention all of the time. Like an HPD that posted on here named Lina said sometime ago "Therapy is not a magic bullet but it helps a lot". So if you entered into it you would really have to work at it to overcome the HPD within yourself. The HPD document says people with this have many strong qualities that can help them through it so I think if you enter therapy and keep the attitude you have now the best you can of wanting to get rid of this horrible condition you will succeed.

I wish you the best of luck and if you want to talk more PM me and we can exchange AIM or MSN names.

You should see a psychotherapist who specialises in personality disorders if you think you have this. You won't be diagnosed immediately, but over time you will be assessed and diagnosed (or not) depending on how you assess. But if you even think you may have this, please do yourself a favour and see a psychotherapist about it to see whether you in fact do suffer from this and, if you do, discuss therapy options.

Therapy, from what I have read, is difficult because it forces you to unlearn ingrained ways of thinking, acting and relating. If you are committed to it, however, it can work, and it can change your life.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

Read the book "the seven habits of highly effective people" and you will be able to have a paradigm shift.

Karma wrote:Read the book "the seven habits of highly effective people" and you will be able to have a paradigm shift.

Actually an HPD can't really change and maintain change in behaviors without psychotherapy.

novaseeker wrote:

Karma wrote:Read the book "the seven habits of highly effective people" and you will be able to have a paradigm shift.

Actually an HPD can't really change and maintain change in behaviors without psychotherapy.

I learned something interesting in relation to this today...

Freud was under the impression Cluster B type PD people could not change.

Modern psychology believes otherwise.

I wonder if anyone knows an HPD that DID change?

Personally, I think it unlikely mainly because the HPD person would have to acknowledge their sickness, would have to want to change, and would need to be motivated to do so. I can't imagine my ex-fiance doing any of that.

chron6988 wrote:

novaseeker wrote:

Karma wrote:Read the book "the seven habits of highly effective people" and you will be able to have a paradigm shift.

Actually an HPD can't really change and maintain change in behaviors without psychotherapy.

I learned something interesting in relation to this today...

Freud was under the impression Cluster B type PD people could not change.

Modern psychology believes otherwise.

I wonder if anyone knows an HPD that DID change?

Personally, I think it unlikely mainly because the HPD person would have to acknowledge their sickness, would have to want to change, and would need to be motivated to do so. I can't imagine my ex-fiance doing any of that.

I don't know any personally, no, I'm not a clinician.

I've now read quite a bit about this, as probably the rest of you have as well. From what I have read, the success rate for therapy for HPD people is low ... lower than for other personality disorders ... because the HPD person generally does not stick with the therapy and moves on to a new relationship or relationship(s) eventually and has their "needs" for attention met. From what I've read, they usually end up in therapy as a result of a crashed relationship, and as they get over that and begin to meet other people, their enthusiasm for therapy tends to wane, and so forth.

My ex knows he has HPD, he's been diagnosed with it formally. He just doesn't want to change, really ... every so often he would mention about wanting to change, but to be honest I think he gets off more on getting his attention fixes met than he does by the idea of changing his behaviors and ideas about what he really "needs" ... and so my own guess is he won't change.

I was actually thinking about this the other day, and it struck me ... a part of what seems disordered is that the perception of "needs" is way out of whack. Whereas most well-adjusted people have a need for deep emotional intimacy with someone, it seems that HPD people do not experience this as a "need" ... clearly they believe they need attention and approbation and affection and all of that, but the need for depth just isn't there. That's why my ex used to say to me that for him monogamy made no sense and was a case of collective brainwashing ... I think in a way it made no sense to him because it wasn't a way he was going to have his own perceived needs for constant attention and "new intimacy", as he called it, met, but was rather a way to have deep, lasting emotional intimacy fulfilled ... something which he didn't perceive he had a "need" for. Very odd indeed.