HPD, PD's, Labelling, forgiveness and learning

I am glad that this forum has sprung to life again. But with that said, am very sad for the individuals on here who have been through so much recent trauma to bring them here. HPD seems little understood and is very complex, due to its deceptive nature. I notice in recent times, that there are no comments from people who have been dx'd with histronic. Most other boards are populated by both sides of the fence.
I think most on here know my story, and this forum has at times been wrongly used as a venting board in my most frustrated of times, calling out for someone to help me to understand thinking involved with certain types of behaviour, because it seemed so unexplainable, irrational, and far removed from the actions of one who loved me (in my reality).
It has been nearly 3 years that these behaviours have been known to me. It has without doubt, been the hardest 3 years of my life emotionally.
It is so very easy for us that have been hurt by these kind of behaviours, to look for the reasons for it. We each have our own views of normal behaviour, expectations from another, boundaries of toleration. I have found that as we age, and the more we experience life, its hurts, that the older we get, this knowledge can either empower us and be used wisely, or can make man a bitter creature.
I have truly believed in the past that my partner had a PD. He certainly showed all the symptoms and behaviours of having so. What we must remember about forums, is that we are often hearing one persons reality. When someone verifys your reality, it is easy to fall in to the trap of labelling. Even psychs can be wrong in their dx's - it is experience that is qualifying us. We come on here to group together, to take solice and advice in eachothers similar experiences. I wonder, what would be the personality classification for a 'norm' hurt by a labelled histronic???
I met my partner when he had just started to go through a terrible time in his life. He was a friend for 6 months first. He only revealed the surface of the problems he was going through, the effect that these problems had on him, was hidden, to unleash itself by bad behaviours that he didnt try to explain, couldnt, and for some, cant to this day as he doesnt know why he did most of these things, but can openly admit that he did them. It has taken along time, but over times these behaviours have stopped, and a sense of normality has returned to the lives of the people around him. From what i know of my partner, he has had an eventful life, but it seems that his life has not been flitting from one person to another, leaving a trail of destruction. He is a man that wants to be liked and loved. Who doesnt i ask you.
Be wary of labelling, a label is for life.
From what i know of PD's, most people who suffer from them, cannot, even after being explained to by people, see what they do as wrong. Its just the way their life is, up and down giant rollercoaster. Can a person with a PD learn a new way? Well perhaps, if they want to enough and have the right help. Isnt a PD just a way of explaining that certain people have different personality types? When people say that HPD love is fake, I understand well the feeling you are trying to describe. Love is a feeling, you cant see it, smell it or touch it. The only way we can know if a person loves us is by their actions. When their actions and their words are different, the actions cause us to not believe their words and in turn, their love.
Why someone would say they love you when they dont, who knows? But then, what if they really believe that they do love you?
What if they believe they love you but dont understand why their behaviours show differently? Is this wrong of them, if they really believe they love you? What would you do, if you loved this person, they believed they loved you, and they could stop their bad behaviours? Their loving behaviour to you was all you ever wanted. Would their love still be fake if they really are Histronic? They had been to the Doc and they said yes, youre HPD? If you could have a wonderful life with a HPD that you loved, what would be your choice??? How can a psychiatrist tell someones love isnt real, if their behaviour shows otherwise??
Do we all see green as the same green? Is your green identical to the green i see?
Gaslighting, wow, great piece of writing. So how do you go about forgiving gaslighting? Well my friends, its a toughie. Hardest thing ive ever been thro in my days. I have very recently realised the effects that all this has had on me (hope im not playing victim here, just want to share). I have become as guilty as any person who could use these forums of projection, self protection, and running away from myself. At times, ive become a person i really didnt like at all. Scared as hell. I became so hardened to the nature of these behaviours, expecting them, waiting for the next thing, picking up on the smallest thing and adding it to my list of reasons to keep myself 'on the ball' watching for the deception, looking for it and hunting it down, blowing small things out of proportion as a way to justify not giving my heart completely and accepting and forgiving, and moving on, yet at the same time so wanting my relationship to work. For a long time, this self protection and bitterness, had become such second nature to me, that I didnt notice i was doing it.
Trust, its time to trust. I would rather be the person that does and gets hurt, than the person I became when i didnt trust.

To all you on here who have been hurt, and it seems, have been left scarred or took yourself out of these situations, I hope you can still see the woods for the trees. I hope that you dont take these things youve learned with you and let them hurt your future. We are all individuals on this planet. Putting people into a catagory or giving them a label is perhaps not a good thing. People can change and grow and learn.
Good luck to you all.

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I met my partner when he had just started to go through a terrible time in his life. He was a friend for 6 months first. He only revealed the surface of the problems he was going through, the effect that these problems had on him, was hidden, to unleash itself by bad behaviours that he didnt try to explain, couldnt, and for some, cant to this day as he doesnt know why he did most of these things, but can openly admit that he did them. It has taken along time, but over times these behaviours have stopped, and a sense of normality has returned to the lives of the people around him. From what i know of my partner, he has had an eventful life, but it seems that his life has not been flitting from one person to another, leaving a trail of destruction. He is a man that wants to be liked and loved. Who doesnt i ask you.

I'm curious, what the problem was...my hpd lost her son around 1.5 years ago...he died of a brain tumor...Also, your question about personality types, which I've wondered about...personality wise, I'm an i/enfp. Maybe we suffer more?
Rick

[color=yellow]Starz, that was a really well thought out note...I have thought and wondered the same things many times...I wonder if perhaps we don't, on some level, like the challenge and the potential of "fixing" them.[/color]

Hi Rick
Ive Pm'd you!
Starz