Leni* wrote:My brother's girlfriend has all the signs of someone with Histrionic Personality Disorder, however she's very sadistic as well. But she's sadistic in a very passive-aggressive sort of way. For example, she loves to stay at other people's houses, and then to either cause a scene there, screaming, crying, etc or she likes to dictate what other people can and can't do in their own houses. For example, she'll sleep till the afternoon in someone's house, and she'll start complaining and throwing a tantrum if people create noise in their own house, or if they open up the blinds, etc. She says she requires complete silence and darkness to sleep, but she doesn't want to sleep in her own house, and she likes to dictate these things in other people's houses. And she has no shame in doing so. She'll sometimes even lock herself in one of the rooms, so you can't come in, and if she sees that you're getting upset over it, then she just gloats, and refuses to leave even more. She'll even smile, and you can see that she's just absolutely enjoying the emotional turmoil she causes in other people...So that leads me to my question, are histrionics sadistic?
Are Hpd's sadistic? How long is a string?
It depends.
This woman is not hpd....imo you are talking about BPD. Straight up.
Even if she had some hpd flavors....she is BPD. I would presume members here who have dated both would most likely say via what you said this opening post that she is BPD too.
A brief comment on a recurring theme here about the 1% rule: The estimations of what percentage of people have this illness or that mental illness are mere estimations and many psychologist believe the numbers are higher. If you like, I can cite stuff on that but am too lazy to dig it up now. Plus the world's popluation....culture differences (what is considered eithical here is not ethical in another country), thrid world countries, and the fact many of them have not the sytems in place (nor do those countries go by DSM standards at all) to test for these pd's (some countries don't even have a: cluster b, axis 2) sort of makes the 1% thing, imo, like saying: "The earth was flat" (a reasonable estimation but one that was way off).
However, if 1% of the population was true it is a lot of individuals out there, and it isn't like a ton of posters come rolling in here on a daily basis accusing their exes of hpd (people are dxed with it every day, so not too much of a big surprise if new posters come here talking about how their ex had the triats every day...but it doesn't even happen that much). Not too many active posters, to say the least. One study said hpd wasn't even in certain gene pools (but I digress as I cannot remember it...).
Plus if this pd had 1% and that pd had another 1% (like was said here times before), that is adding up a lot of percentages which would equate to a big pd problem. But again, the american/european way of defining mental illnesses is not some universal law that the world accepts, neither does the whole world believe in every mental illness we have created (or identified).
There are too many resources available, imho, to negate the 1% rule-which I feel is often used to cast doubt as to whether or not your ex actually has the illness (in fact my mother tried that one! she had a job, she had this, she had that...and it's just 1% and she has it? all those homeless people out there, all those gangs, and SHE has it??? well, yup...she sure did. she has 401k's, a home, a car she acts like she can't drive....she functions so well compared to those thousands of topless dancers, drug dealers, etc...and HER??? yup....and some nasty, nasty results at that. it wasn't like she barely made it. nope, full blown hpd).
As for you dxing. Your believing or disbelieving....a lot of us are left with that: a written description in a dsm book that perfectly describes our ex. Then we go to forums like this and read the same stories of the same type of women/men who come from all over teh world. None of us collarborated either, so that we had our stories straight before we came here to post. Almost none of us even knew eachother so that we had the chance to make up this rich, vivid descriptions of a woman who fits the written triats of any pd.
I do respect auto-mechanics (figure of speech), but It does not take a mechanic to identify a flat tire. It does not require too much insight to know you have a cold or the flu once you know what it is (although we all need the doc's still sometimes to run some tests...it isn't like we don't know cystal clear what many illnesses are are look like. Well the mental illnesses don't look like, they "act like".
I understand that maybe this board out of legal reasons must make that clear, but I wonder why it is repeated so much when you didn't ask for a dx (that involves testing, treatment, and a lot more than a board's opinion as to what we believe, what our opinion is. Not once did a shrink rebuke me for telling them that my ex was an hpd. Not once did they run a disclaimer on me when I first told them of my mother: "wait...did she get an offical dx?".
Plus, where does it state it is against the law to say someone has a pd (or to believe they have one, to accuse them of having one, etc) without an offical test? Billy Joel and Cristie Brinkley just got done pointing the finger at eachother saying the other was a narc, and during those times no testing was done yet.
No one I"ve met, accept on a few boards (including shrinks) gets dogmatic about that. I even had a shrink tell me Napolean's wife was bpd, seriouly. He said how she pulled him back and fourth, drove him mad with her letters when he was out at war, enraged him with jealously, and cheated on him. She also, btw, would "lock herself in her room" and by doing so would keep him out begging her to let him in (so history has it according to him anyway, but there are letters historians have saved written between the two of them, or pieces of them). Was she Bpd? I don't know. But I feel the dx thing is another tactic they will use to negate cluster b behavior: "what, are you a psychologist now?".
Like saying when you clearly see someone is drunk, "what did you run a breath test on me or something?" don't need one. ThaT becomes a question of 'how drunk'.
Maybe some shrinks do, but like I said I have had a shrink tell me to my face that some people had mental illnesses who were never dxed. The shrinks even do it and I can link to where famous people dead are believed to have had these illnesses....but we can't test them because they are dead. Plus many people WILL NOT TEST, so no wonder the numbers could be so misleading.
It is rare as a diamond for a cluster b to admit it. Not here maybe, and it is also rare for a person to agree to get a test. I invite any poster here to urge their ex to get a pd test. Most of them will not get one. They won't go many a time.
I know "here" its common (lol, i was shocked at first), and I'm glad that it is aimed at support, learning, etc. But when it comes to not walking on eggshells, non cencored thought, independent thinking that does not violate law, there is more than 'policy' to consider when your alone at night, when you need to make decisons...and when you can't get them to just go right to a shrink, get a test, and start therapy.
If only it were all that easy.
It is much easier for me, a non auto technican, to look at the flat tire and say: "It is a flat tire".
And when I have a runny nose, instead of waste money at a doctor....I just take my chances and 'believe' it is a cold. No, i never got tested for the cold (maybe it was technically something co-morbid with that) because there was no need for a test.
Maybe I get a little sensitive when I hear this, because for one I have seen and experienced how it is used (the 1% rule and the "you can't dx rule", which is like saying" you can't decide what you think about someone's mental health), and had an entire family against me for quite some time because: "I wasn't a shrink".
Alas, my hpd mother.....I was wrong too. She had hpd instead of bpd and npd.
Sometimes the whole thing is right there on video camera.
Anyway, I concur with some other posters: Not Hpd at all.
BPD.
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